Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Title: Christmas Miracles

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don't own them, except for Nat, who I'm keeping :)

Archive: WFRA, Peep Hut, Mutual Admiration. Anyone else, please ask and I'll say yes.

Feedback: Please! Although the surgeon general warns that good feedback will only lead to more fic..Good, bad, and ugly welcome.

Summary: Things go off-track between our favorite couple, but then Logan gets a Christmas miracle.

Comments: I blame this on watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with my goddaughter-I admit, I love those old, kind of tacky Christmas specials, and it wasn't long before I started thinking of W/R (in fact, isn't Xavier's mansion kind of like the Island of Misfit Toys?). This was changed slightly due to a recent e-mail conversation with Victoria about how people who have an affair will say "it didn't mean anything" and expect that to be somehow comforting. I thought-what if Logan really did love Jean and pretty much didn't make a lot of apologies for that?

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Logan knew he had to handle it carefully, handle it right. He had to talk to Marie about Jeannie before she walked in on them or found out some other way. It'd give him a chance to talk it all out with her, to make her understand. He sat down next to her at lunch, like always, then asked her to go for a walk with him. As they circled the grounds, he slowly worked up to telling her.

It didn't come out exactly the way he'd wanted it to, but the thought it was pretty close to right. He told her that he wanted her to be the first to know, that he was telling her even before Jean had told Scooter. He said that he and Jean were going to move in together. He told Marie that he knew she had a crush on him, but that that's all it was, and it would pass. He told her that she was still the most important person in his life, and that he loved her, but that he had to live his own life and she should live hers.

She looked hurt, she cried, but all in all, Logan thought she took it well. He even felt good enough about it to say that one day, they'd look back on all this and laugh. She gave a half-hearted smile, wiped away the tears, and squeezed his hand. She forced her smile a little wider and told him she'd always love him. He hugged her, and it was over. He congratulated himself for taking care of it well, for doing right by Marie.

Marie was a little more reserved and spent a little less time with Logan than usual, but she otherwise seemed the same to him. She finished with school, hung out with her friends, and was even friendly to Jean. Once again, Logan reflected on how well he'd handled a delicate situation.

He felt a little uneasy when she asked for some of his time on a Friday-Friday night was usually sex night, all night, with Jean, since she had no classes the next day and no shift at the medlab in the morning either-but since Marie had adapted so well to their relationship, he agreed. He felt a little concerned when she sat him down and told him she was leaving the mansion for a while, but she said she'd be back eventually and that she'd keep in touch, and Logan thought a few weeks away might do her some good. When she handed him back the dog tags he'd given her, he was a little alarmed, but she smiled and said he should hang on to them while she was away. He knew how much they meant to her, meant to them both, and he knew she wouldn't want to take a chance on losing them somewhere.

She left on a sunny Sunday morning, and didn't say a final goodbye to Logan. That bothered him a little, but, he assured himself, she'd be back soon enough, and she *had* told him all about it before she left. She'd taken her Jeep and she'd be in touch. Magneto, Mystique, and Sabretooth were in prison, so there was nothing to worry about on that end. Something still niggled at him, though, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. A flash of irritation passed through him-Marie was usually the one who had the patience to sit with him and talk it through until he figured it out, so what was he supposed to do now that she was gone?

After dinner that night, he asked Jean if she wanted to head for their room early, and her answering smile told him that she thought he was suggesting sex. She never said no - not to frequency, not to particular acts, not to anything - which was a quality that Logan very much appreciated. But he wanted to talk this time, to see if he could pinpoint what was nagging at him. When Jean closed the door behind her and sauntered over to him, he told her he wanted to talk, and spent a few long moments waiting for Jean's laughter to die down.

"No, really. I wanna talk. Somethin's botherin' me."

"Look, I know you're a little worried about Rogue, but, honestly, Logan, she'll be fine. She's eighteen now and she'll keep in touch with us. She'll be just fine."

"It ain't that-or I don't think it's that. I dunno. It's just that there's somethin' buggin' me and I can't put my finger on it."

Jean pursed her lips and rolled her eyes a little. "Do you want me to take a look?" She extended her hands toward Logan's head, but he flinched a little and backed away.

"Nah. Can't you-can't you, uh, just talk it out or something?" That got another burst of laughter from Jean, and Logan was beginning to be really irritated now. "It ain't funny."

"Oh, come on, Logan-the picture of the big, strong, rough Wolverine having 'a little something bugging' him isn't funny?" He frowned as she settled himself in his lap. "I know how to take your mind off that, you know," she purred, slowly grinding her hips into his. He cupped her buttocks and let her proceed to distract him.

It was still lingering back there in the morning, though, and by the time Rogue called the mansion four days after she'd gone, it was no longer a little, niggling thing. It was causing him to lose sleep, to be irritable (well, more irritable than usual), and he even was so troubled that he lost concentration during sex with Jean. *That* had certainly never happened before. He grilled Jubilee on what Rogue had said, but all the girl could (or would) offer was that she was in Wyoming, and that she was fine.

Logan thought she might head west, might head to Alaska, so he wasn't surprised at her location. Driving out there and back would take six days or so each way, and, allowing for time for her to look around while she was up there, it should put her back in Westchester within about three weeks. For a man who never bothered much with marking the passage of time, three weeks suddenly seemed like a hell of a long stretch.

Still, Logan reminded himself, Marie needed this, needed to get away and give herself some time to grow up a little, to see the world a little. A quiet voice in the back of his head wondered whether he shouldn't be with her while she does that, but Logan ignored it. He did catch himself keeping one eye on the house phone when he was downstairs, but he chalked that up to being anxious to talk to Marie when she called again. Maybe they could talk out whatever was bothering him over the phone.

She did call, another five days after her first call. Jean happened to answer, and she had Rogue hold while she tracked down Logan.

"Hey, kid, how's it goin'?"

"Fine. Jean said you had something to talk to me about?"

"Yeah, but, uh, you first-where are ya?" Logan smiled to himself at that little bit of relationship work-he really was doing very well with Marie, he thought.

"Alaska-no surprise there, I'm sure. I'm heading for Juneau tomorrow, and I'll be incommunicado for a while. What's up?"

"Somethin's been naggin' at me and I don't got any clue what the hell it is." He heard Marie let out a sigh on the other end of the line.

"Look, um, I'm sorry to hear that, but, uh, remember when we talked about Jean? Remember how you said you had to live your life and I had to live mine?"

"Yeah," Logan answered slowly, not understanding what that had to do with anything. Of course, these conversations often went like that-Marie would start out somewhere that he'd think would never get them around to what the actual subject was, but she always managed to say things in such a way as to get at the very heart of what it was at the end. Maybe, he thought, that's just what she was doing now.

"I can't-it's not really fair to ask me to, uh, our relationship just isn't that way now, OK? I need to just live my own life if that's the way it's going to be, OK?"

"What?" Now, Logan really felt lost.

"Look, I'm running out of time on the payphone. I-take care of yourself, Logan. Bye." She hung up without waiting for him to say goodbye and he sat there with his mouth hanging open. Marie had never refused to talk to him about something-in fact, she always seemed to enjoy it. He sat there like that for a full minute before moving.

He spent the rest of the day pacing the room he shared with Jean and dissecting the conversation with Marie. She'd said she was 'fine.' That meant-fine. If something was wrong or something was bothering her, she would've said so. She'd always been open with him, and he was sure she'd have mentioned that right up front, so it didn't make sense that she didn't want to talk. She hadn't sounded upset or mad, Logan thought. He wished he could've smelled her over the phone, then he'd know for sure. He thought about it until Jean came up at the end of the evening, then he resolved to put it out of his head. It would just have to wait until Marie came back. They'd hash it all out then.

On the day that marked three weeks since she'd left, she didn't return home. That's fine, Logan reassured himself, she's probably just taking a little extra time out there. He tried not to think about the fact that she hadn't called again since they'd spoken. On the day that marked four weeks, there still was no Marie in the driveway and no word from her on the phone. Jean finally asked him what he kept looking out the window all the time, and he confessed his concerns about Marie. It shouldn't have taken four weeks, he said. She hasn't called, he said. What if something's wrong?

Jean gave him a look of total confusion and asked what in the world made him think she'd be back after three weeks or at all. He told Jean about the talk Marie and he had had before she left, how she said she would be back eventually. Logan always took her at her word. Marie just wasn't the kind of person to say something she didn't mean.

"Logan," Jean said softly, "eventually doesn't mean three weeks. That's just-that's just something people say, you know? She just didn't want to feel like the break was permanent. She couldn't make herself face up to that, that's all. I understand. It's traumatic enough for her, I'm sure, leaving here."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"It'll be good for her, though, Logan. She's-she's always liked being on her own, you know. She never really bonded with anyone here, and I think, in a way, we were just stifling her. For goodness sakes, she never even told any of us her real name, even you. She *likes* to be out and on her own, and she's always wanted to live in Alaska. It'll be good for her to stand on her own two feet a little. Plus, I'm sure it's hard on her to see us together. I know she has feelings for you, and-"

"You said she had a crush on me."

"A big one. And I'm sure us being together is kind of a blow to her pride and her feelings. She always just *loved* that you cared about her, you know? Now that there's someone else in your life that's special, that's more important to you, it's got to be hard. I'm sure I wouldn't want to stay around and have to live here if I were in her shoes." Jean paused long enough to catch Logan's shocked look. "Oh, come on, I remember what it's like to be a teenager and have your whole world feel like it revolves around one person. I remember what it's like to have a crush." She sat beside him on the bed, and began rubbing his thigh. "Logan, I know you're worried, but she'll be fine, really."

"I'm goin' for a walk." Logan detached Jean from him, and headed out the door. Jean sighed and lay back on the bed, resigning herself to a quiet night.

As Logan came downstairs, he noticed Jubilee on the house phone (it was hard not to notice, given the volume of her squeals). He paused, just out of her line of sight, listening to snippets of the conversation, just in case it was Rogue on the other end.

"Ooooh, girl, that's so romantic!" Logan winced as the tone and volume combines to create quite an effective assault on his ears. If Magneto ever wanted to *really* torture him, he thought, he should get Jubilee to join their side. That sardonic little thought made a memory surface unexpectedly-one of Marie, trapped in Magneto's machine and screaming. Logan felt a stab of panic go through him at that, but it was soon cut off by Jubilee.

"Oh, who cares? I mean, come on, you've got to get over him sooner or later, chica, and I say sooner. There's plenty of fish in the sea or whatever. And this guy sounds like a good one-like a-a salmon or something, or whatever fish makes caviar. I say go. It'll be fun, do it." Logan still couldn't tell if it was Marie on the other end or not. "So it's settled, then. Coolness." Logan shifted a little against the doorframe, getting impatient. If it wasn't Marie, then he was wasting time. He should be out of here and on the road already. He caught himself at that thought, wondering where it had come from all of a sudden. He wasn't going after her. She was fine. He just wanted to know that she was all right, that's all. They just needed to talk a little. So why was the urge to head out after her so strong?

"He's OK. Yeah, they're doing OK, I think. Scott's not so good. Mr. Mopey, to the max." Finally, Logan thought, a clue. Marie would ask about him, he was almost sure. "Yeah, sucks. Anyhow, don't-don't worry about all that. The dude has made his decision, and it was a dumbass decision, sure, but there ya go. I say do your own thing. This guy totally doesn't seem like a psycho or anything, and I say go for it. At the very least, you get a vacation out of it, right?" Logan listened to Jubilee laugh and say her good-byes. He wasn't sure why he hadn't broken in on the conversation, why he hadn't tried to talk to Marie, but he was sure he wanted to talk to Jubilee now.

"Shit! Don't sneak up on people like that, dude!" Jubilee, as always, was dressed in yellow, and at present, she was clutching one hand to her chest. "You coulda given me a heart attack!"

"Was that Rogue?" Logan had never liked the children at the mansion-well, other than Marie, who he never really thought about in the same category as the rest-and he didn't have a lot of patience in reserve now.

"Look, why don't you just go back to boning Dr. Grey and leave it alone, huh?" Jubilee gave him a sneer and tried to brush past him, but Logan grabbed her arm, halting her.

"What did she say? Is she all right?"

Jubilee wrangled her arm from his grasp and huffed. "She's a lot better off without you, OK? She said-she said she hates your guts and never wants to see you again, all right? That's what she said. You wanted to have separate lives so bad 'cause you just couldn't keep it in your pants around Mr. Summer's fiancée, and now you've got it. Your life is here, her life is there. So leave it alone."

Logan knew those were Jubilee's words, not Marie's, but he wondered if Marie didn't have some of the same sentiments. "I ain't in the mood for your bullshit, kid. I wanna know what she said."

"She said she met a guy. She said she liked him a lot so far. She said she didn't know whether or not to go away with him on a vacation 'cause she was on the rebound from you pretty hard and she didn't wanna just grab the first thing with a penis." Logan flinched at that and Jubilee didn't try to hide her enjoyment of that fact. "Look, she's got a chance to get with a nice, normal guy, somebody who could love her, just her, OK? Her, not somebody else's fiancée, not whatever waitress has the shortest skirt at the diner, all right? You don't get to have it both ways. You wanted to have your own life, you wanted her out of it, and she's out. So smile and be happy and go tell Dr. Grey to get on her back."

"You got a filthy mouth, kid," Logan snarled.

"Yeah, yeah. I won't even go into which parts of yours are filthy 'cause that'd take all night and I've got plans. Leave the girl alone, dude. You got what you wanted. Just enjoy it and stop fucking with Rogue." Jubilee did hustle past him at that, stomping off angrily down the hall.

Logan was beyond livid at Jubilee, but he was also shocked, almost panicked, at what he'd learned from her about Marie. Spying the house phone, he lifted the receiver and dialed *69. It rang three times before Marie answered.

"Marie? It's Logan." There was just silence on the other end, and that told Logan that something *was* wrong. "Look, kid, we gotta talk."

"Jubilee said you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad." He heard Marie heave a sigh on the other end of the line. "You didn't do anything wrong, Logan, I did. I made a mistake, and I let myself think-I let myself think that there was more between us than there ever actually could be, OK? That's not your fault, and you don't have to feel bad about it. I'm not mad because of it. I just-I know you love Jean and you always will. I know that. It's just-it hurts, OK? It hurts. And that's not your fault, it's mine for thinking things would be different. You never-you've been really good to me, and I appreciate that. You've never given me any reason to think those things, really. You didn't do anything wrong and I'm not mad, OK?"

"But, Marie, I-she said somethin' about me wantin' you outta my life and that ain't-that ain't what I meant when I said you live your life and me live mine-I mean - "

"I know," Marie said softly, "but I just can't-I can't be that close to you, be around you all the time and-I just can't, OK? That's-that's on me too." Her voice wavered and Logan's heart sunk. "I'll get over it. I will. But-but I can't-I need time."

"I don't want you outta my life, I want you in it." He heard muffled sobs on the other end of the line. "Marie.."

"I'm sorry, Logan. I'm sorry. You didn't-you didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I-I've got to go."

"No, wait-I'm comin' up there 'cause - "

"Don't. Please, don't. I don't want you to. I - I've got to go." She hung up the phone, and Logan stood there holding a receiver for a long time.

In the months that followed, Logan almost lit out for Alaska despite Marie's words each and every day. He always ended up shutting the bike off and going upstairs to Jean, though. Marie had asked him not to come. She'd said 'please' and he knew she meant it. Moreover, she was right. Things between them-well, they'd never be lovers. Marie was out from under his wing for only a few weeks, and she'd already found someone else to love, someone who loved her. Jubilee was right-Marie deserved someone who loved only her. And even if sometimes Logan thought he fit that description, the fact that he'd thought he wanted Jean so bad but was now bored with her-well, it didn't bode well for his ability to be faithful.

When Marie sent a Christmas card that showed her standing in snow, smiling genuinely and happily, Logan felt a little better. Maybe she had already forgotten all about him, maybe that was better for her. Even if he always felt like a big part of him was missing, even if their separation hadn't gotten easier for him over time, it had for her. He didn't want to compound the mistakes he'd made by taking that away from her now. He'd just have to learn to live with it, and Jean was a perfectly nice, attractive woman. He cared about her. He'd just have to make that work, and he'd have to learn to live without Marie.

His resolve wavered over the next year. First, when Jean cheated on him with Remy. Logan found them in the bed he shared with Jean and in the ensuing argument, she defended herself by saying he had some sort of unhealthy fixation with Marie that had only worsened since she'd gone. Jean had said that she didn't want to be with someone who really didn't want her, and at least Remy paid more attention to her than someone who'd been gone for months. Logan didn't say much in return, he just packed his things and moved out.

His resolve wavered again in September, when, during what had become a regular search of Jubilee's room for news of Marie, he came across a picture of a somewhat heavier Marie, posing with a very tiny, squirming baby swaddled in pink. Logan sat down on Jubilee's bed, shocked. She'd had a baby. She'd had a baby that wasn't his. That thought circled over and over in his head and he never thought to question it. After a while, though, he put the picture back, and returned to his room.

He swore to himself that he'd stop searching Jubes' room, so instead, he searched Kitty's. He found the same picture of Marie and the child, her address and phone in Alaska, and her new last name-Kovalev-one which Logan hoped she'd made up and not acquired by marriage. That hope was soon quashed, when Logan's search turned up a card signed 'Marie, Arkady, and Natasha' and a picture of the happy family. The man was blond, with piercing blue eyes, and he had a kind face. Logan just felt sick.

He became more and more reclusive, more detached from the team. By the time Marie's Christmas card had arrived, he was rarely seen outside his room. The next year was no better. In July, Jubilee and Kitty somewhat abruptly decided to visit Rogue in Alaska, and Logan toyed with the idea of tagging along. He didn't in the end, mostly because he couldn't be sure that he wouldn't end up making an ass of himself, and partly because he didn't want to know for sure whether Marie would fall into his arms when he showed up on her doorstep. Seeing her turn to her husband with pity for Logan in her eyes would be a lot worse than not knowing, Logan surmised, and anyway, there were things to be done at the mansion. Sabretooth was out of prison, as was Mystique, and he could always hope for some action if he stayed in Westchester.

As the year dragged on, Logan's feelings on the whole thing fluctuated widely, and almost moment to moment. There were times when he was proud for not contacting her, for not interfering in the life she'd made. There were times when he thought she was better off or that she'd never really loved him, that it had been just a crush. There were times when he told himself he didn't love her, but those were few and far between. There were times when he blamed Jean, cast her as the temptress that had lured him away from his true love, and times when he blamed Marie for not staying, for not waiting to see how things would play out. She knew, he thought, that I needed her in my life and she left anyway. She couldn't deal with it, and she acted like a child. Even if it wasn't fair, he thought, to ask her to live under the same roof as me and Jeannie, she didn't hafta move across the continent and get knocked up by the first guy she met. If she really loved me, Logan thought, she'd have waited no matter what.

As Christmas neared, Logan felt like he was reaching a breaking point. He was constantly irate, had pissed off everyone in the mansion, and spent most of his time going over the history of his relationship with Marie over and over again. Then, on a snowy Sunday two days before Christmas, he got the surprise of his life.

It was Marie, in the mansion driveway, still in her old Jeep, which was packed to the brim with stuff. Logan caught sight of her while he was pacing and looking out the window, as he'd done intermittently since she'd left. He watched in fascination as she exited, then reached in back and extracted a well-bundled, sleeping child. No husband, Logan thought. Her husband's not with her. He was so overloaded with that realization that he didn't even chastise himself for being thrilled by it.

He practically ran down the mansion stairs and out to the driveway to meet her. Just before she reached the door, he came through it, smiling warmly at her. He was so very relieved to see her again that he couldn't quite keep that smile off his face. She gave him a small smile in return and shifted the child in her arms a little. "Hi, Logan."

"Hey." He closed the distance between them and the snowflakes fell silently as they stared at one another for a few moments. "You're back."

"Yeah." Her eyes fell downward, and she shrugged a little. "Things kind of didn't work out. I'm sure Jubilee told you."

"She don't really speak to me or tell me nothin' about you."

"Oh." Marie looked distressed at that. "Well, uh, I'm sure she told you I got married."

Marie raised her head to look him in the eye. "She didn't tell you anything about that? Nothing at all?"

It was Logan's turn to shrug and look down. "You know, mosta your friends, mosta the people around here as a matter of fact-they don't care for me too much since I took up with Jeannie." In truth, the only reason he stuck around, the only reason he hadn't been gone for even a day, was that Marie had said she'd return eventually. Logan had time to wait it out, and he didn't share Jean's assessment that it was something she'd said just to make herself feel better. Marie didn't say things she didn't mean.

"Sorry. And-and I'm sorry that things between you and Jean didn't work out. I know you loved her."

"It wasn't-I dunno, it just wasn't right, I guess. It wasn't right for either one of us." Marie nodded. "But you were sayin' somethin' about what happened with you."

"Oh, right. I-well, I married this guy I met and he was nice, you know, just a nice normal guy. He was Russian, and a logger. We, uh, got married kinda fast because I got pregnant with Nat here by accident, and, well, things kind of went downhill from there and we're divorced now. It's just me and Nat so I kind of figured I'd come back home for a while. The Professor-he's offered to let me stay for a while, until I can figure out what me and Nat are going to do." She blushed and looked embarrassed as she spoke, but Logan was so pleased with the news that he practically had to restrain himself from bouncing up and down on his toes.

"I'm glad you're back."

Marie chanced a look at him, fearing she'd see pity or disapproval, but he only looked genuinely glad to see her again. "Thanks. Hey-would you mind helping me with some of the stuff?" Marie gestured back at the Jeep with her head. "I kind of brought everything me and Nat have to our names."

"Sure." Logan promptly made for the Jeep. "You could-ah, the guest room two doors down from me is empty, if you wanna stay there. It's on the third floor. I'm, ah, back in my old room."

"Oh, OK." Marie gave a small smile and the child in her arms stirred a little. "I'd better get Nat inside." She shook off the snow that had gathered in her hair and headed in.

Marie settled herself into the room Logan had suggested and greeted her friends as they filtered by to say hello. Logan continued unpacking the Jeep and carrying things upstairs. Most of the people who stopped by simply ignored him, and he did the same. As he brought the last load up (he was truly impressed by Marie's packing abilities-she'd used up every single square inch of the Jeep), the room was finally empty except for Marie and her child.

"Hang on, Nat, we'll get some food in a second. After we put away our stuff." The child huffed and crossed her small arms at that. "Oh, hey, Logan-is that the end of it?"

"Yeah. I parked the Jeep too. It's snowin' pretty good out there."

"Thanks," she said sincerely, crossing the room to take a small blanket from him. "Look, Nat, here's your blankie. I told you we packed it."

"Gimme!" The child reached out both hands and smiled widely as Marie moved to comply. Nat grabbed the blanket and pressed it to her cheek. Logan took the opportunity to close the door behind him. He was itching to talk to Marie alone.

"She's cute as hell. Looks a lot like you." Marie turned to him and smiled her thanks. "How'd you, ah, get pregnant with her? Didya make some progress with your skin?" As much as he didn't like that she'd had a child with someone else, news that she was touchable would be more than welcome.

"Not exactly. We, uh, well, his condom broke. I put him in a five week coma and told him I was pregnant first thing when he woke up." Marie let out a short, sarcastic laugh. "Gosh, I wonder why my marriage didn't work out," she mused, smirking. "But I can touch Nat and after I was pregnant, I could touch Arkady too. I think that helped. For a little while." She frowned, but then her mouth twisted into an almost playful, wry smile. "You're probably going to think I'm making this up, but, when Nat was about twelve months old, Arkady left me for a red-headed doctor. And the doctor's name was Jean-he was French. Would you believe that?" Marie shook her head and continued putting things away. "It must be my destiny."

"Hey, I, uh," Logan had actually given some thought to what he'd say when Marie came back, what he'd tell her about Jean. They'd always been straight with each other, and that was the route he opted for here. "You know, I was kinda in love with Jeannie for a while. I know that's maybe not really what you'd wanna hear, but I wanted you to know that I didn't do all that and live with her and stuff just 'cause of the sex. It wasn't just that. I'm not really like that, you know."

"I know," Marie said softly.

"I don't love her no more, and I probably never will again." Logan met her big brown eyes, took a deep breath, and got to the point. "I loved you pretty much the whole time. That's never gone away. But back then, I was."

"I was just a stupid kid, Logan, I understand why you-"

"Don't say that," he interrupted gruffly. "Don't say it was stupid. I liked-I still like knowin' you loved me so much. Even if it's different now. Don't say that was stupid." He cast his eyes downward, feeling them grow hot.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I don't regret what happened, Logan, I really don't. Not any of it." She crossed the room to take his arm. Her hands were ungloved, and she was careful to avoid his exposed skin at the wrist. "Even if I'd have known everything that would happen, I would've gotten in the truck with you that day you picked me up anyway. I'm not sorry. There's nothing I'd trade for my past, even-even for my marriage, even though it didn't work out. I have Nat, and she's the best thing in my whole life. She's so much better than I deserve." She met his eyes when he raised his head. "I was hoping we could be friends again, if I came back. I was hoping-well, actually, I was hoping that we could kind of pick up where we left off. I know I've been away a long time and a lot's happened, but-but I was hoping we could be friends again."

"'Course," he answered, drawing her to him for a hug. She went willingly, and sunk into his embrace, letting him breathe her in deeply and hold her tight. They were eventually interrupted by a tiny, demanding voice.

"OK, OK, baby." Marie loosed herself from Logan's arms and went to retrieve Nat. "Let's go find some grub."

"I'll go with ya," Logan offered, "I make a mean peanut butter sandwich." He winked at Nat, causing her to blush and smile much like her mother used to when on the receiving end of Logan's attention.

"Oooh-you're going to be her new best friend. She *loves* peanut butter."

The next day was Christmas Eve, and Logan woke early, to be sure to be up and dressed by the time Marie and Nat woke. They'd gotten along well last night, he thought, and he wanted to keep that going. Marie didn't seem to be holding a grudge-she really was just picking up where they'd left off. If that was the case-if he really had a chance, Logan wasn't about to waste a second of it. He'd waited too long and wanted it too much to let even a moment pass by.

As soon as he heard stirrings from her room, he went over and knocked on the door. Marie greeted him with a sleepy smile and waved him in. "Nat's my little alarm clock now." The girl was wide awake and jumping up and down on the bed a little. "You're up early."

"Yeah. Thought that, you know, maybe you and me and Nat could spend the mornin' together. I kinda figured you'd wanna go shoppin' with your friends later on." Nat jumped off the bed and over to Logan. "Hey there."

Nat tugged at Logan's pant leg, which Marie knew was a sure sign that she wanted to be picked up. She was about to interpret for Logan when, to her surprise, he reached down and scooped Nat up in one strong arm.

"Woke your mom up, didn't ya?" Nat nodded enthusiastically. "I bet she don't mind too much."

"No, I don't," Marie confirmed, crossing the room to give Nat a quick kiss. "But I'd absolutely love it if you could entertain Nat for a few minutes while I hop in the shower."

"Sure." Logan sat on the bed with Nat and watched Marie shuffle through still-packed bags in a search for clean clothes. "Hey-I was gonna ask you-whaddya want for Christmas?" Logan had never really participated in any of the mansion's holiday festivities, and rarely gave presents for any occasion. But this Christmas would be different, he had decided, it would be a Christmas with Marie. "Maybe I'll do some shoppin' a little later today too."

Marie paused in her search for clothes and shot him a teasing, skeptical look over her shoulder. "You? Shopping?"

"Yeah, me, shoppin'," Logan teased back, in a very good mood. It had been a long time since anyone had bantered with him and no one did it like Marie did. "Whaddya want?"

"Oh, I don't need anything," she shrugged. "And I didn't really get anyone anything. My budget's kind of, um, tight."

Logan was about to say something when he was cut off by Nat, tugging roughly at his shirt. "I want toys," she offered, helpfully. "Blocks."

"That so?" Nat nodded again, causing her long, curly brown hair to wiggle in many directions.

"Uh-huh. And boots. Mom says me need new boots."

"Um, actually, that's-that's not a bad idea. If you wanted to get us something, boots for Nat would be at the top of my list." Marie looked embarrassed to be asking. Logan understood.

"Then boots it is." He gave her a reassuring smile. "And whatever you want too. You know, it's Christmas, and everybody gets presents."

"Well, I hope Santa's bringing some for everybody on my behalf," Marie said, finally choosing a set of clothes and zipping the bag back up. "I don't think I'll be shopping with the girls later on-I don't really have any money and as much as I'd love to give them all presents, I hate to ask the Professor. He's doing a lot for me and Nat already. You don't think they'll be too upset, do you? They'll understand, won't they?"

"Marie, I got plenty of cash. You could-"

"No-no thanks. I'm on the receiving end of enough charity as it is." She gave a tight smile to soften her words, but Logan caught the frustration in them. He'd been so caught up in how happy he was that she'd returned that he hadn't given any thought to what it must be like for her-coming back after she left to make her own life, coming back after a failed marriage and an accidental pregnancy, coming back a flat-broke single mom just barely into her twenties. Those things didn't really matter much to Logan, but he knew that the x-men would think a little less of Marie because of all of it. They'd be nice, provide for her, help her, but all the while they'd be looking down their nose at her just a little bit. Even her friends-even as they were welcoming Marie back and ooh-ing and aah-ing over Nat yesterday-had an undercurrent of pity and condescension in their voices.

"It ain't charity. It's sharin'. I-you know how it is between us, Marie. If you-if you had money and I didn't, you'd share with me, I know it."

"Logan, they-they don't really need presents. They've got everything they need."

"But it just ain't-"

"If it were for something I really needed, or something Nat needed, I'd take you up on it, I would. I know we're not-we're friends and friends help each other out. If you could just get Nat some boots, that'd be great." She gave one last strained smile and headed for the bathroom. "I'll be out in ten minutes."

"Hurry, mom! Me hungwy!" Nat reminded her. Marie nodded her understanding and shut the bathroom door behind her. "Hey," Nat addressed Logan, sticking up one foot for his examination, "me need boots."

"Gotcha, kid." Logan marveled at how like Marie the girl was-same hair, same eyes, same smile. He was glad that the child had apparently gotten little from the father's side-that was partly out of jealousy, yes, but also partly because Logan honestly believed that, whoever the father was, all the best qualities for the child would be forthcoming from Marie's side of the equation. He would hope for the same for a child of his own with her.

"Good." Nat snuggled herself into his side. When Logan put an arm around her and drew her close, he took a deep breath in, smelling her. There was a lot of Marie there as well, but an element that was all Nat's own. "You comfy."

"Glad you think so."

"Mom says you Wogan." Nat burrowed more closely into him.

"Yeah, that's right." He found himself cuddling the girl a little, holding her back as her tiny hands clutched at him.

"Oh, really?" He was surprised that Marie had mentioned him to the girl at all, and, now, curious about what else she'd said.

"Yuh-huh. Mom says you not Dad but you OK." Nat frowned when she said it, and her big brown eyes clouded over.

"Oh." Logan saddened at that. He hadn't given any thought at all to the trauma the little girl must have gone through when her father left and then when Marie had to leave their home and familiar surroundings to come here. Logan wasn't at all unhappy that Marie's marriage had ended, but he did feel for Nat. She was a part of Marie, and so like her, that that response came naturally to him.

"Yeah. Dad wuvs me but he not awound."

"Well, I'm sure he misses ya." Logan felt Nat heave a sigh against him. It was another gesture that echoed of Marie.

"Me want Dad wif me."

"Aw, I know, honey, but-but your mom loves you a lot, you know." He felt Nat stir and loosened his hold on her a little so that she could face him.

"Me wuv mom too." Nat seemed to have brightened at that, and Logan congratulated himself a little for helping the girl through a rough spot.

"Me too," Logan confided.

"Wots?" Nat inquired.

"Good," Nat sighed, before settling herself back against Logan's side.

Marie did end up going out shopping with Jubilee and Kitty, but mostly to just spend some time with her friends. She hadn't taken up Logan or the Professor on the offer of Christmas funding, but she had taken Logan up on his offer to watch Nat while she was gone, much to the consternation of her friends. As soon as they got her in the car, they began asking questions about Logan-how could you just pretend he wasn't with Jean? How can you be nice to him? How can you leave Nat with him-he's irresponsible! Marie was more than a little confused.

"Why are you all so down on Logan? I mean, I know-the whole Jean thing-but still."

"Look, he not only totally told you he wanted separate lives, he stole Dr. Grey right out from underneath Mr. Summers. You should've seen him-the dude was totally heartbroken, still is."

"Yeah, Jubes, but-but Logan was in love with Jean then and no, it wasn't right what he did to Scott, but from what you told me about Jean, it's not all Logan's fault. I mean, if she really did cheat on Logan with Remy, then on Remy with Warren-well, I don't mean to be catty, but maybe she's just not the faithful type."

"I think Scott needs a shoulder to cry on," Kitty said, somehow shy and mischievous all at once.

"Plus, Logan's, like, the most responsible person I know." Jubilee cast Marie a plainly disbelieving look. "Well, in some ways. I know he'll take care of Nat and he'd protect her if something happened. I feel totally comfortable with him watching Nat, I do."

"What's your deal exactly, then? You're thinking that maybe Mr. Big and Hairy realizes the error of his ways and now he wants to share his-from what has been rumored-*huge* hunk of love with you? 'Cause I'd keep his ass kicked to the curb if I were you. What kind of guy totally saves your ass, risks his life for you, and then busts out with, 'uh, could you leave me alone now 'cause I gotta bone this hot engaged chick?' Damn, his ass belongs on Jerry Springer, not anywhere near you."

"Jubes, that's harsh. I mean, yes, he said the separate lives thing, but deep down I know-I *know* he didn't mean for me to leave. That was just something I had to do, that was on me. Because I-"

"Couldn't sit around and watch Jean bang him on a regular basis?" Kitty supplied.

"Well, yes." Marie huffed a little and squirmed in her car seat. "But he said it's over with Jean and I believe him."

"Oh my God," Jubes said, "you *are* trying to get with him!"

"No, no-I just-I want us to be close again. I don't think-Jubes, you know my love life. First man I ever loved doesn't love me back. Second man I ever loved, the man I married, not only doesn't love me back, but turns out not to really care for my gender on the whole. Do you see a pattern here? I don't think I was cut out for all that-all that love stuff. If Logan did fall in love with me, it would have to be via some kind of miracle, I know that. I've got Nat now, and I'm grateful for that, so grateful. I just want a little bit more-just-just some good friends again, and for Logan and me to be close, like we were before everything went straight to hell. That's not too much to ask, right? That wouldn't take a miracle, right?"

"Are you serious? Could you totally forgive him, just like that?"

"Well, yeah, Jubes. I mean, life is short, right? Why not just be happy and be friends with him again?"

"Because he could rip your heart out just like he did before," Kitty cautioned.

Marie sighed. "I guess. But I won't-I have Nat now and I can't afford teenage melodramatics. I have to focus on her. If my heart gets broken, well, I'll just have to deal with it." The car was silent for a while. "I don't think that'll happen. I really don't. I'm not planning on-I'm just not going to let that happen."

"I hope not, chica."

"Jubes," Marie shifted to face her friend a little more squarely as she spoke, "why didn't you ever pass along the info to him from my letters? You didn't even tell him I got married."

"'Cause I can't stand to look at him. I know he's your friend again and all, but, seriously, we all lost a lot of respect for him after the Dr. Grey thing. Plus he's been like, totally unpleasant 24/7. Consistently cranky. And not in that cute 'I'm a badass' way that he used to have. More like in the 'I might seriously kill one of you' way. He's been an asshole since you left."

"He's been sad, too," Kitty offered. "Even before he caught Remy with Dr. Grey. It was like he was just lost without you."

"Don't encourage her," Jubes warned. "No heart-breakage, remember?"

"Right," Marie agreed, a little unsteadily. "Right."

"Hey, you're back," Logan greeted when she returned from shopping. "Didn't find nothin'?"

"No," Marie replied as she crossed the room to take a peek at a napping Nat. "Don't tell me you actually got her to take a nap," she teased.

"Well, all you gotta do is wear her out pretty good first," Logan teased back. Actually, he and Nat had done a little shopping of their own when Marie had been out. Logan swore Nat to secrecy until the next morning, Christmas morning, about their purchases. Well, except one. "I hope ya don't mind, but I took her out to the kids' shoe store and got her some boots."

Marie smiled widely at that. "I don't mind at all. And-thank you. I really appreciate it."

"No problem," he shrugged. "Found a purple pair even-here." Logan presented his purchase for Marie's approval. Judging by her pleased expression, he'd done well.

"These are really nice."

"Yeah, rated to 30 below, fur lined. I kinda thought she probably likes to play in the snow."

Marie nodded, and then gave him an appraising look. "I'm glad you're getting along OK with Nat. To be honest, I was a little worried."

"Why?" Logan seemed totally confused.

"Well, she's, uh, the product of some of my life choices that I thought you might not be entirely pleased with." She looked down when she said it, so she didn't see the still-at-a-loss expression on his face. "I thought she-she might just kind of remind you of a bad time for us, I don't know."

"Uh, Marie, she's *your* kid, your little girl. Why would ya think I wouldn't like somethin' that came from you?" His tone was so earnest that it finally tempted her to look up and check his expression.

"She's Arkady's too."

"Yeah, but-but she's so much like you, Marie. I mean, look at her. She's beautiful already. She got all the good things from you."

Marie smiled warmly and found herself moving toward him. "Some people think she's kind of a handful."

"I'm glad you like her. She's-she's the most important person in my life now." Marie was only a few inches from him, and Logan was beginning to be distracted by her nearness. "I love her so much. Sometimes-sometimes it feels almost like it's too much-too good and too beautiful. I've never felt love like that in my life. Even with you, it wasn't so-" She caught herself, and smiled apologetically. "Sorry."

"You can talk about it, you know. I'm not upset about what happened. I mean, I am upset about the bad stuff, but you havin' feelin's for me-I don't feel weird about that or nothin'. I like it."

"I'm kind of glad you did."

"I still do," he corrected, reaching out to put both hands at her waist. "I don't wanna beat around the bush here. I've done enough of that. And I don't wanna say somethin' wrong or somethin' that could be interpreted wrong. Jeannie-Jeannie said to me once that you loved that I cared about you so much. Well, I loved that you loved me too. I did. The whole time. I just-I dunno what happened, really. Somehow, I didn't notice that or somethin'. But I sure as hell noticed the second it was gone. I missed you every day."

"I missed you too," Marie whispered.

Logan nodded, once, and pulled her a little closer. "I love you. I wantcha to know that, flat out, no questions. I love you, Marie. You're the most important person in my life. It's up to you now, what you wanna do about that. And as long as you're in my life somehow, I can make it. I gotta have that, though. Got to. The rest-how you want it to be with us-that's up to you now."

"I want us to be friends." She took one step toward him, closing the distance and laying her head on his shoulder. She felt strong arms encircle her and warm hands moving up and down her back. "This whole love thing-it's just not working out for me, you know? And I have to have you in my life too, I think. I didn't-I didn't do very well without you. I felt scattered, all out of order. Nothing really made sense and somehow, I just-I just couldn't figure anything out right. Everything I did just made things worse and the man I loved-he left me. He left me and he left Nat too, and that's-that's something I just can't risk again." Logan smelled tears and he began to be a little concerned. "He left us because of me. Nat has to-she has to grow up without a dad now because of me. I'm just not meant to be loved. If I'd have just realized that sooner, Nat-"

"Darlin', stop. Just stop it. If there was ever anyone put on this earth to be loved, it was you. You're pretty much the definition of lovable. That guy-if he walked away from the two best people around, well, I dunno what the hell happened there, but that was on him, not you. Nat's the luckiest little girl ever to have you as a mom. And she loves ya so much, darlin', she does."

Marie listened to him and let herself be held for a little while. "Thanks," she said at length. "That was nice." She parted from him a little, and he reached out to brush away a tear with his gloved hand. "But I think you may be just a tad biased," she teased, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"'Course. Love does that, ya know."

"Yeah." Marie frowned briefly, then appeared to gather herself a little. "Can I ask you something? Something important?" Logan nodded. "How do you want things to be between us?"

Logan became entirely serious, and grasped her face in both hands. "I wanna be with you every day, all day. I wanna make you happy and Nat too. I wanna protect you and take care of ya for the rest of our lives. I wanna feel love from you and I wanna give love to you." He paused, then made sure that he held her gaze. She'd never quite seen that intense of a look on him before, and her breath caught a little at it. "I wanna know what you taste like. I wanna hear you call my name. I'd love to make a baby with you and to be able to touch you. The best times of my whole life have been with you, and I want more of 'em. But most of all, Marie, I wanna do right by you, darlin'. And that means that we-we do what you want. Whatever you want is OK by me. I mean that. I just gotta have you in my life, OK?"

Marie was silent for a few long moments, but then, she took a deep breath-a signal that Logan knew preceded something serious. "You know, when I was in Alaska, when Arkady was still unconscious, just after I found out I was pregnant with Nat, I went for a long walk in the woods. There was this trail that took you in a big circle, around the mountain and back to town. It was rough hiking, but good for the soul, you know? I went on that hike and I kept thinking-what am I going to do now? I was eighteen, and pregnant, unmarried, and the father was a guy I'd known exactly seven weeks, a little more than three of which he'd spent unconscious. I remember thinking-maybe I shouldn't have the baby. It was an accident, it wasn't meant to be." Logan frowned at that. "But then I started thinking-maybe it wasn't an accident, you know, in the cosmic sense. Maybe it just wasn't in my plan." Marie glanced over at Nat, who was still asleep, blissfully unaware of the entire conversation. "I don't know what the big plan is. But I got a feeling that day, a feeling that I should have Nat and love her and do my best by her and just deal with whatever comes out of that. And I have a feeling now that I should love you and try to make you happy and just hope that-hope that I can be loved by you. I just hope that's in the big plan." She raised her head and met his eyes. "Don't break my heart, Logan."

"Never. Never again, baby." He hugged her to him, nuzzling her hair. "I promise."

The next morning, everyone came downstairs to open presents. There were many for Nat, and she delighted in them all. Apparently, she had related her desire for blocks to several people-she received four sets. There were more than a few presents for Marie as well, and those were of a more practical nature-clothes, shoes, a small radio for her room. She thanked one and all, and made her way back upstairs with Nat to get ready for the holiday dinner. Logan followed, not unnoticed by some of the other mansion residents.

He stopped first at his room, then went to Marie's, knocking upon reaching her door and then going in. She greeted him with a smile. "Hey."

"Hey. I didn't wanna-I, uh, kinda got a few little presents for ya and I wanted it to be just us when I gave 'em to you."

Marie smiled. She'd expected something like this. "I didn't get you anything, but-but thanks."

"Some for me?" The presence of brightly wrapped boxes had not escaped Nat's attention.