Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

All the Small Things

Title: All the Small Things

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Darn.

Archive: WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Peep Hut - anyone else, please ask :)

Feedback: Please! With a cherry on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome

Summary: Logan and Rogue's relationship trips itself up on the little things, and then they have to figure out how to fix it.

Comments: Unbetaed, so don't blame Keli for errors therein. I got diverted by Vic's dialogue challenge. I really am working on the revenge on Gary follow up to Rougher Ride. Really. But this nice little peep, one of those orange halloweeny ones, jumped up onto my computer and started wondering out loud how two people with limited relationship skills might fare after a huge heap of stress has been dumped on them. It started wondering what would happen if Rogue isn't the fairly emotionally-skilled person I usually write her as. Damn peep. And here I thought I was safe after Easter was over

--------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, there you are."

"I was looking for you."

"I thought we were going to do something together tonight."

"Besides, I like to spend every available moment basking in your sunny disposition."

"I'm not in the mood, Marie."

"I'm goin' for a walk."

"I don't suppose you want company."

"Uh, no mood improvement from the walk, I see."

"Well, I just wanted to, um, check in, so I'll just - I guess I'll just leave you alone now."

"Whaddya want, Marie?"

"I, uh, just wanted to say 'hey.' And to, you know, not in any way contribute to your bad mood."

"Right. Seeing as how I'm failing at that miserably, I'll, uh, withdraw the 'hey' and go back to my room now."

"Logan - are you - are you all right?"

"Just go away, kid, OK? I don't wanna talk now."

"Right. OK. Uh, bye, then."

"So then I told Bobby what Kitty said and he said - oh, uh, hi, Logan."

"I'm outta here, chica. Later."

"Yeah. Bye, Jubes. Um, I haven't seen you around much the past couple of days."

"Don't want company."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Me? Nothing's wrong with me."

"You said that real strange, that 'OK.'"

"Sorry. I'll just go."

"What're you doin' in here?"

"Waiting for you. I - I wanted to talk and you've been kind of avoiding me lately. I knew you'd come back to your room eventually."

"Look, Marie, I ain't got the time for this."

"It won't take long. I just want to know what - what I did wrong."

"What I did to make you mad at me - I just want to know what it is."

"What the hell makes you think I'm mad at you?"

"Oh, you know, the grumpiness, the avoiding, the not wanting to talk and the hating every second you have to spend in my presence. Those things."

"I figure I must've done something, and I just - I'd kind of like to know what it is."

"You didn't do nothin'."

"Um, look, I know - it's, uh, kind of clear that you don't want me around you anymore, so I'm not - not going to try to fix it and keep running after you like some little puppy dog or anything. I just want to know what it is for, you know, future reference. So that the next time someone, uh, wants to be my friend I can not do it again."

"I dunno what to say."

"Just say the truth. I know - I know I'm crying a little, but really, the truth would be best here. Don't - don't sugar coat it, I should know."

"You didn't do nothin' wrong."

"Right. OK. Well, um, I'm just going to head back to my room then. I guess I'll - I'll figure it out myself or something. Bye."

"I said you didn't do nothin' wrong."

"Hey. Sorry. I'll be done in here in a second. I just wanted a sandwich. Jubes and I missed dinner because - uh, sorry. Sorry. I'll be out of your way in a second."

"Haven't seen ya all month."

"Right. And this is - this is just an accident. I'm almost - there. I'm done."

"Whaddya mean, 'accident'?"

"I didn't mean to be in the kitchen when you wanted to be here. I didn't know you were coming down. Sometimes your sense of smell kicks in but sometimes it doesn't. Sorry."

"Look, you can - you can be in the kitchen. I'm not - "

"I've got to go. Bye, Logan."

"Marie? Marie, you in there?"

"Do you wanna open the door?"

"Sure. Sure. Is there something you want?"

"Well, OK. Do you - do you want to tell me what it is or just stand in the doorway?"

"Can I come in and sit down a second?"

"I haven't seen ya for the past two weeks."

"Why are you - every time I go somewhere you leave. You usedta come find me almost every day. Now I don't see ya for weeks at a time."

"Hmph. I'm bein' as clear as possible here, Marie. I wanna know why it is you don't talk to me anymore."

"You - I came to your room that night and you wanted me to leave you alone. I'm leaving you alone."

"I didn't say to leave me alone. I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to come right out and say it. I mean, I'm not stupid."

"I didn't say you were stupid."

"Well, no, but you implied - "

"Look, all I'm sayin' is you usedta talk to me and now you don't. All I wanna know is why that is. 'Cause Scooter has some dumbass theory that you're mad at me for somethin'."

"I'm not mad at you."

"Well, I told him that. Dumbass."

"If you're not mad, then why are you, you know.."

"Look, Logan, I know - I know what you think, but I'm not - I'm not some hopelessly crushing little kid that trails after you no matter how much you push me away. I'm not like that. I can take a hint. I mean, I have some pride."

"Yeah. So is that it?"

"Marie, what're you talkin' about?"

"Is this some kind of joke, is that it? Some fun little game to play with Marie? Because I could really skip it, OK? I could really just skip it this time."

"I have no idea what - "

"Fine. Fine. You've had your fun. Ha, ha. Great. Now, go. There's the door. Bye."

"What joke, what - "

"Enough, OK? Just - enough. Go back to your room and laugh your ass off, but leave me alone right now."

"Whatever. Just get out, OK? I want to be alone."

"You're still wearin' the tags."

"Logan! God, you scared the crap out of me! I thought I was all alone out here."

"I thought you didn't like this lake."

"Well, I didn't think I'd be a problem for you out here. I didn't think you'd come here."

"Well, I did come here."

"Right. I'll just get going, then. God forbid I should impair your lake-watching. Christ."

"I said - you're still wearin' the tags."

"I get that you're mad at me, Marie. I get it. I think I even know why. But I dunno why you're still wearin' the tags if you're as mad as everybody says."

"It's none of your business."

"My tags, my business."

"Fuck. That - that didn't come out right. None of that came out right."

"No, no I think it did. And do you know what? You can't have them back, Logan, you can't. You gave them to me and they're mine now. So just deal with that."

"I don't wanna take 'em back."

"Look, none of that came out good. I didn't mean to - "

"I've got to go, Logan."

"Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

"I don't want you touching me!"

"What are you doing here?"

"Knew you'd come back to your room eventually."

"Just get out, OK? I'm tired."

"What I said before by the lake, that came out bad. I meant to say that I know I've been an asshole to you and I know you're mad and you should be."

"But you still want to know why I'm wearing the tags, don't you?"

"Well, fine, I'll tell you. You want to know so bad that you've actually forced yourself to seek me out *and* spend a few moments with me, so I'll tell you. It's a reminder. It's a reminder that you used to give a shit, OK? It's a reminder that someone once gave enough of a shit about me to help me and to look out for me a little bit. That's all. It's not - I'm not hanging on to your promise, I'm not mooning over you, I've stopped wishing for things I'll never, ever have. I just want one tangible reminder that, for a little while, someone gave a damn about me. I don't think that's too much to ask and I'm keeping them. You can't have them back."

"I - I don't want 'em back."

"Great. Now get out, OK? I'm tired."

"Look, kid, I think we'd better talk."

"That sounds so mocking to me now. 'Kid.' I wish."

"Nothing. Just go, Logan. You got your answer. You and the rest of the x-men can shake your heads in pity and fret over poor pathetic little Rogue for the rest of the night. I'm sure that'll be tons of fun. So go."

"Marie, we gotta talk."

"That's funny coming from you."

"I'm not a kid. I'm not."

"Don't patronize me. You don't even know - "

"What? I don't even know what?"

"Tell me, Marie, come on."

".I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that. You should go now."

"I hurt you and I'm sorry, but I was goin' through a lotta shit. I found out some things about my past and they weren't pretty. I didn't mean to 'cause all this shit between us."

"Yeah. Yeah, you did, Logan. You did. Maybe you didn't wake up in the morning and think - yes, today I will trash my relationship with Rogue, but you didn't care what happened to our relationship. And why should you? I'm just some kid, constantly a pain in your ass, embarrassing you by having a crush on you, always underneath your feet, always in the way. Do you want to know something? I'm not a kid. Do you honestly think that eight months on the road alone lets you hang onto any kind of innocence? You should know better than that, Logan, you really should. But I *wanted* to be a kid again, at least a little, and when I met you I thought it would be safe to be that way for a while again. I thought I could be silly and act silly and just - just be seventeen again for a while. Inside, I'm not - I don't tease, I don't play, I'm not light. But I felt like I could be that way with you and so I was. It was a mistake. It was a big mistake. I should've never let myself do that. Maybe if I'd have been all serious and grave and world-weary, you'd have taken me seriously. God, I just wanted.."

"Don't. Don't. Just stay over there."

"Could you just go now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I will, but, Marie - I don't wanna - I don't wanna go on this way, with things like this between us. We should fix it."

"I meant - it doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it does. It matters to me."

"Just - just go, Logan, please."

"I'll come back later."

"Whatever. Just go now."

"I liked it when you did stuff like that."

"It was stupid. And childish."

"Nah. It was - it was Marie-ish."

"Well, it's not anymore. The new Marie does not play in the snow. She cleans the closet when the inclement weather forces her to change her original plan of attending her night class."

"I kinda liked the snow angels."

"You bitched about getting snow down your pants every single time."

"That was part of the fun, though - you were amused by my bitchin'. You knew it was justI dunno. You put up with me."

"You put up with a lot from me too."

"Yeah, you did. I almost killed you twice and then I stifled you to death, following you around all the time, being stupid."

"Stop sayin' that. I never thought you were stupid."

"You're alone in that assessment, then."

"That's not true - nobody thinks you're stupid."

"Do you think I should keep these shoes? I snagged them from the second-hand pile but they're not very practical. The heel's too high. What do you think?"

"Whatever you think. They're your shoes."

"Right. And I think they're not my shoes anymore. They can go."

"Come on, come outside with me, just for a little bit."

"No, go on ahead. I should really finish this."

"I don't wanna go by myself."

"Gee, I thought you liked to do things by yourself."

"Sorry. That was a cheap shot. Sorry."

"I guess a little. But that was still out of line. I said to forget it, and we should."

"You changed 'cause of it, though. You changed, and you can't forget that."

"I changed for the better. No more puppy dog Rogue. No more silly Rogue. No more doormat Rogue. That's all good."

"I never thought you were any of those things."

"What did you think I was, then?"

"In the I-ride-the-short-bus-to-school way, right?"

"Never mind. I get it."

"No, I don't think ya do. Maybe special's not the right word. Maybe - maybe precious."

"Well.well, I'm not that anymore either. You don't have to go risking your life or anything ever again because I'm not like that anymore either. I'm not something you have to protect or take care of. I'm not a stupid, defenseless kid. No more. I'm the Rogue, sugar, and I'm nobody's precious."

"You still wear the tags."

"I explained that and I don't want to talk about it again."

"As long as you have 'em, you'll always be my Marie, at least part of ya. You'll always be my Marie, not the Rogue."

"Oh. Well, there was a time when that would've meant a lot to me. It's - it's nice of you to say."

"Whatever I did to hurt you, Marie, it's not - I'm not worth doin' this over, throwin' away the best parts of you. I ain't worth it, not by a long shot."

"You taught me a lesson, that's all, Logan. Don't make this some big thing to torture yourself over. People change."

"I liked ya better the way you were."

"My personality isn't made to order for you, Logan. Cope. You know, you're not the only one going through things. I've got - never mind."

"What? You've got what?"

"I've got a lot of closet cleaning to do."

"I don't want to have a big talk about it. It's not really a big deal."

"It's a big fuckin' deal to me!"

"Everything turned out OK."

"You coulda fuckin' gotten yourself killed! Just how the hell would that have been OK, huh?"

"I didn't get killed and I completed the mission successfully."

"You don't got no business goin' on missions, Marie. You're - "

"Just a kid? I thought we had this discussion."

"I was gonna say that you're important to me and I don't wanna see you get hurt. You shoulda at least fuckin' told me so that I could go along and watch out for ya."

"It was an undercover mission in a girls' school. You wouldn't have passed for a fifteen year old girl."

"No more of this, OK? Whatever they ask you, no more."

"That's not up to you. It's not your decision."

"Let's go away from here, huh? You and me. We could even go to Alaska if you wanna."

"Let's just get outta here and start all over. Just you and me. C'mon. Let's just throw some stuff in the truck and go. I can be packed in five minutes."

"What are you talking about, Logan?"

"I don't like this, OK? I don't like it. Marie, why do ya think I left ya here in the first place?"

"Because you didn't want to have to - "

"Because I wanted you to get to be a kid too, OK? You were - there was still somethin' alive in you and I wanted to give that a chance. I don't like it this way. I didn't bring you here to be some hardass x-man. You never smile anymore. You haven't laughed in months. That's not what I wanted for you."

"I'm sorry, but I just - I can't keep that going. It takes too much energy and it hurts too much and it's not - it's not safe. I just can't be like that anymore."

"You could if we went away. We'll just get in the truck and pretend that - that none of this shit ever happened. We can do that. We can - "

"I'm sure we could, Logan, but it wouldn't be - it's just not right. It's not just you and me. It's me and - and all the stuff that got pushed into my head, all the stuff I've been through, all the stuff with Magneto and everything else. It's not - that night I came to find you and you went for a walk, I was already at the end of my rope. It's not what you did. It was just the trigger. There's all this stuff inside me, Logan, and it's hard to deal with, really hard. It's nothing to smile or laugh about and before, when I could do that for a little while - well, deep inside the other things never went away. It's a lot to deal with and nobody's - nobody ever offered to talk or anything like that. You know, not that I would expect you to, but the school has doctors, counselors, teachers - nobody ever asked if I was OK. I wasn't. I could've gone to them, but I just - I was already a pain in the ass and everything that happened, everything I put them through - if Magneto hadn't been after me, then the Professor wouldn't have gotten hurt, you wouldn't have gotten hurt and I just - I can't ask for anything more from them. I'm rambling. I'm not making sense. I'm sorry."

"I never asked if you wanted to talk about it either."

"I didn't expect you to. Sometimes it was enough just to take my mind off of it a little."

"Do you wanna talk about it now?"

"I didn't think - I found out all that shit about me and what kinda monster I was and I thought I was doin' right by you by stayin' here with you, by not runnin'. Here I was just fuckin' up."

"No, I'm glad you stayed."

"I just gave you more damn grief."

"Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say to that. I don't know what to say that's comforting yet true."

"Just go with true, then."

"Yeah, it felt like you pulled the rug out from under me. You were what I counted on. And that's - it's not your fault - it's mine, for expecting you to always be there and to be able to deal with me and my multitude of issues."

"I never hadta 'deal' with you. I always - "

"Stop it. Just stop it, Logan. You don't have to reassure me all the time. You don't have to always be making it up to me. It's in the past. It's over."

"It's not over yet. You're in the middle and so am I. We're not through all the shit we got to deal with yet."

"Well, thanks for that little ray of sunshine. Picked me right up."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"Uh, it's all right. I kinda don't get it, but it's all right."

"It's Erik. Anytime I hear the sound of trains, I get jumpy and anytime I have to get on one, he kind of takes over and freaks out. I didn't mean to grab onto the seat like that."

"The holocaust. Death camps. They were - he was taken in a train and then transferred to another one in a train. He had to ride with people who died on the way. The smell was so - uh, sorry. TMI."