Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Bizarre Love Triangle

Title: Bizarre Love Triangle

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Neither Logan, Logan, nor Rogue belong to me. None of the other x-men, either.

Archive: Sure, why not? Just ask first :)

Feedback: Please! With whipped cream on top?

Summary: Logan, Rogue, and Logan try to sort out their interpersonal relationships.

Comments: I started wondering what it would be like to live with someone in your head, constantly. Even if it's someone you get along with really well, they're still there when you do things like pick your nose or fart or go to the bathroom (not that I, personally do such things, you understand.). So, this started out as a comedic take on the concept of Rogue having an "inner-Logan" but quickly veered off course. (Yes, yes, Terri going off course with an idea, how unusual..you can all stifle your shock now..) The title comes from the song by New Order, which I highly recommend. On a somewhat unrelated topic, I also recommend "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division - some of the bleakest love song lyrics ever, set to a bouncy, yet sparse beat. Worth checking out (cough - Napster - cough.).

------------------------------------------------------------

[Good mornin', darlin'.]

[Good morning. How long have you been up?]

[Just a little while. Nice to watch you sleep. You slept good last night.]

[No nightmares, at least.]

"Hey, chica, you up?"

"Yeah. What time is it?"

"It's nine. We've got shopping to do, woman. Let's hit the showers."

[Ah, shower time's my favorite, darlin'.]

[You know, my hair's just getting drier and drier. Maybe I should try a different conditioner. Or maybe I need a hot oil treatment.]

[Your hair looks good to me.]

[Thanks. I wonder what - ]

[What? What's wrong?]

[Nothin', it's - it's me, I'm back. I'm downstairs. I can smell it.]

[Oh, God, oh God - ]

[No, no it's not. He's - he's been gone for over a year. No letters, no calls. What am I going to say to him?]

[I missed him too, but..]

[I'm afraid. I don't know what his reaction will be. I don't know how he feels about me.]

[Yes you do. You know how I feel.]

[You're different than outside-Logan. It's not the same. You've been living with me for a year. You've been with me every minute of every day. You've slept with me, seen me naked - ]

[Yeah, and he'll want to be with you too. I mean, I'm not stupid. I know beautiful when I see it, darlin'.]

[Pretty sure. Go on, get dressed and go down to see him.]

[Then I'll be here. I ain't goin' nowhere.]

[I'm sorry, Logan. I'm sorry you have to stay in my head. You know that, right?]

[Yeah. And you know I'm not sorry. I wanted to stay. 'Cause I love you, kid. Now, get goin'.]

"I'm so glad you're back, Logan. So glad. I really missed you." [I know, I know, that sounds so sappy.]

[We know you mean it.]

[See? Look at how he's all fidgety. He missed you a lot.]

"Did you find anything?"

[Is he - I think he's lying. He found something, something bad.]

[I think you're right, kid. Dammit, I wanna know. Do ya think you can get him to tell us?]

[I don't know. I don't want to push him if he's not ready.]

"I'm sorry. Sorry to hear that. Are you staying around for a while?" [Please, please say yes. I missed you so much.]

[He's nervous 'bout somethin'.]

[Kinda. It's like he doesn't know what to do around you.]

[Don't worry, it's OK. He'll even out. I think he just needs a little time. He really loves you, Marie, he does.]

"Good. Well, come on, I'll show you up to your old room. It's empty now - no guests lately. And maybe we can talk for a while - we have so much to catch up on. I'm just so glad you're back" [Maybe he'll say something about what he found when he feels more relaxed.]

[I sure as hell hope so. I gotta know.]

"So.what've you been up to?"

"Oh, you know, finished school, started training for the team."

[I can tell by his reaction that he doesn't like that any more than you do.]

[Hell no. And why should he? I toldya that - ]

[I know. Logan, I'm a little worried about him. He looks tense.]

[He's sittin' on his bed with you. That's why he's tense. He just don't know how to be around you, honey, that's all.]

[Oh God, that's the first time he's called me that, the first time I've heard it from anyone but you in so long.]

"..you know, I, uh, decided to come back to, um, you know, keep you safe. I promised to take care of you, and you don't hafta go joinin' the team. You can depend on me."

[Us. You can depend on us, darlin'.]

"I know. I know. I just - I feel so grateful to the Professor for all he's done, for putting me up, paying for everything. I feel like I should do something to pay him back."

"You don't owe him, not that, Marie, not puttin' yourself in danger like that."

[Should I tell him about the powers?]

[Yeah, darlin'. He'll understand, just like I did. It's all me.]

"I, uh, some things happened while you were away. I absorbed a mutant with super strength and the ability to fly, like Storm. I still have those powers. That's part of why they wanted me to join the team."

"How'd that happen?"

"Well.I, ah, I killed her. I - she was sent by Magneto to attack me, here, at the mansion, and I killed her. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. But she didn't give me much of a choice. I - I feel really bad about it and I know it's really weird."

[It wasn't your fault, darlin'.]

"I'm sure it wasn't your fault, Marie."

"I still feel awful. And it is weird."

[But I'm just so grateful to you for taking care of her once she got in my head. She was crazy and I don't know what I would've done without you up there, Logan.]

[It's just me and you up here now, darlin'. Just like I promised you it would be. I promised you it'd be OK and it was. I'll always be here to take care of you, baby.]

"It ain't weird. It's just how it is. Is she - is she still in your head? Like I was?"

[I don't know how to answer him.]

[Whaddya always tell me? Go with the truth. It's simple.]

"No. You - the part of you that was in my head, um, well, you decided to stay there. And you killed off everybody else - Magneto, Carol - that was her name, and my boyfriend."

"I killed them off?"

[He's looking at me weird, like I've grown a third head or something. See? He does think it's weird.]

[He don't think you're weird, he thinks I'm weird and he's maybe a little pissed that I'd go killin' people inside your head. He's worried about you, that's all.]

"Yeah. That's - that's what you called it. And I could even kind of feel you fighting them in my head, butwell, you kept me pretty shielded from it."

[Hope that helps. And you did - you did keep me protected from most of it.]

"Marie, am I - what am I like up there?"

"You'll think I'm nuts."

"Nah. Tell me, come on."

[I really like the way he's looking at me now. And the way he's holding my hand, rubbing it just a little. He's never been afraid of me, has he?]

[No, we haven't. We love you, we're not afraid.]

[How should I explain it to him, you and I?]

[Start with how it feels.]

"Well, it's like you're a part of me. Not just my brain, all of me, everywhere. You're so strong inside me. But you're distinct too. So distinct that I can talk to you, carry on conversations in my head. I call him inside-Logan. You're outside-Logan."

"What do we talk about?"

"Oh, just stuff. Anything. Everything. It's - you're with me all the time so we just talk about what's happening around us, what's going on day to day. You kind of act like a traffic cop when the Professor or Jeannie calls, you know, in my head. You don't like anyone else but you and me to be in there. You've - you're really helpful to me. You always say nice things to me, make me feel good."

"You sure that's me in there?"

[That was a joke, but he's sad - what's wrong?]

[Dunno. Maybe - maybe it's 'cause of somethin' he found out or - ]

"Are you talkin' to me now, Marie? I mean, inside-Logan."

"Yeah. All the time."

[Now he is looking at me like I'm nuts.]

[You're not. It's just hard to understand for other people.]

"Well, just that - you're reassuring me I'm not crazy and that it's hard for people who haven't experienced this kind of thing to really understand." [Was that OK?]

[I think he'll get it.]

"I said that? In those words?"

"Well, no. You talk more like you. But that was the gist of it."

"You're strong up there, Logan. You've gotten me through a lot. Not just Carol. The nightmares - " [Damn. I shouldn't have said that. It made him wince. Damn.]

[It's OK. We're just - you know we feel bad 'bout that, darlin'. I'd give anything to kick those outta your head too.]

"Look, Logan, I'm OK. I am. The nightmares - you're there to help me through, and it's not your fault I have them."

"How can you say that?"

[Why is he mad all of a sudden?]

[Dunno. Could be just frustrated or - ]

"*I* put them there, Marie. *I* did that to you. That's - that's who I am. Those are the kind of things I do. Don't - why don't you see that?"

[Why - Logan, why is he being mad? He's - he's mad at me.]

"You gotta get it through your head kid. I'm not - I'm not one of the good guys, all right? You'd have been a helluva lot better off if you never met me."

"That's not true, Logan. I'd be dead if I'd never met you. Several times over. I thought - you said you came back to take care of me." [Help me - I don't - I don't understand what's going on.]

[He's bein' an asshole, that's what.]

[But why? Did I do something wrong? Did I - ]

"What're ya doin'? Talkin' to me in your head?"

"Well, ask him. Ask him what kinda man I am. He'll tell ya."

[He won't even look at me. Help me, help me. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me what I did to make him mad. I'll stop doing it, I - ]

[It ain't nothin' you did. I think - he's pissin' me off and it's hard to think straight, but I think he musta found out some real bad shit and now he's mad 'cause you're still bein' the same old Marie to him. He thinks you shouldn't be like that or somethin' 'cause he found out some bad stuff about us.]

"He says you're mad. He says - he says maybe you found out some bad things about your past, but you're not a bad person."

"He's a fuckin' liar."

[I'm scared. I don't - I can't stop making him mad.]

[I ain't gonna let him pull this shit on you. You just leave, Marie. You just go back to your room and let asshole here stew a while.]

[No. I - he just got back, and I missed him so much. I don't want to leave him yet, please.]

"Logan, you are - you aren't bad, not - I don't know how to say it, but I have you in my head, I know you're not bad. You - you did all kinds of good things for me."

[Good. Turn around and look at her and look at what you did, asshole. She's about to cry and it's your fuckin' fault.]

[Don't - stop it, stop yelling at him. I can't - ]

"Shit. Shit, I'm sorry, Marie."

[He's - I just don't understand. You don't - you never get mad at me like that. Not at me.]

[He ain't mad at you, darlin', he's just takin' it out on you.]

[Why? Tell me, just tell me what I did to make him - ]

"Marie? Say somethin', please. I'm - I'm really sorry. Please?"

"I don't understand. I don't know what I did, Logan - I - "

"Darlin', you didn't do nothin'. You didn't. I'm - I'm bein' - I dunno how to do this, Marie. I'm bein' shitty 'cause I just dunno what to do now. C'mere. It's OK. It's OK, I promise. C'mere."

[Oh, it feels so good for you to hold me.]

"You did find out something, something bad."

"You can tell me. I'll still - nothing would change how I feel about you or how I look at you."

"I can't. I can't, kid."

[No - don't let her go, not yet. Not yet, wait - ]

"I'm just.I'm all fucked up, all right? I didn't mean to yell at ya. I don't - I don't wanna upset you. That's not what I wanted. OK?"

"OK." [Anything, just please don't be mad. Please just be my Logan, the Logan I remembered. Please. I need you.]

[You got me, always, no matter what he does. Just remember that, darlin'.]

"Maybe - maybe you should go, huh? I'll get settled in here and catch up with ya later."

"O-OK." [I don't want to go.]

[It's best. For now. He's too - he ain't thinkin' right.]

[Trust me, darlin'. It'll be OK. Trust me.]

[But it's been three days, and he's hardly talked to me at all.]

[It's not you, baby, it's not. And it ain't gonna get any better by you just layin' awake at night. Come on, darlin' try to get some sleep.]

[No, I don't think I can sleep. You go ahead, though. It's OK, I'll just stay up and think a while.]

[Nah. I'll stay up with ya. I don't need that much sleep.]

[Are you sure? Because - ]

[That's Logan, isn't it? He's having a bad dream, isn't he?]

[He is having a bad dream. I'll just go over and wake him. I - ]

[No. No, Marie. Stay here.]

[I can't. I have to try to help him.]

[Marie, no! The last time we fuckin' stabbed ya!]

[It was an accident. And I'll be more careful. Look - look, he is having a nightmare. God, it looks bad.]

[Careful, Marie, careful.]

"Logan? Wake up. Wake up, please."

"Shit! Are you OK, kid?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. You missed me."

"Shit. Goddammit, Marie, what were you doin'?"

"You were having a nightmare. I could hear it next door and - "

"And dontcha remember what happened the last fuckin' time? I coulda killed you. What the hell is wrong with you?"

[I - I - that hurts. That really hurts. Why is he yelling at me?]

"Well? What were ya thinkin'? Huh? What if I'd hurt you?"

"I - I - I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

[I don't know, I don't know what I was thinking, I just wantedI don't know. And he's right, I just - if he'd hurt me then he would've touched me and I would've hurt him again. No wonder he's mad. I - ]

[Stop it, baby, stop it. You didn't do - ]

[But I did do something wrong. You tried to stop me, and I went ahead anyway. I could've killed him. Oh, God, no wonder he's madhe's just standing there staring at me, trying not to yell anymore. Oh, God, Logan, I screwed up. I screwed up so bad.]

[No! Listen to me - ]

"I'm sorry, Logan, I'm sorry. I'll go now. I'll go right now."

[Please stop cryin', baby.]

[He loves you, darlin', he does. He's just real fucked up right now. He's takin' that out on you and he's got no right to do that. But he's not himself.]

[You mean he's not like you. He's not like he was.]

[II dunno about all that. I just know he does love you, we both do.]

[Oh, Logan..I don't think he does. I really don't think he does anymore.]

[Please, baby, calm down, you're gonna hyperventilate.]

[It's OK. It's OK. It's gonna be all right, honey, I'm always with you. I ain't leavin'. I'm here with you always. I promise. I promise.]

[I know, darlin', and I'm so sorry. Just - give him some time, give him another chance.]

[You don't hafta do it now. You don't hafta think about it now. Just try to calm down a little, all right?]

[It just hurts so much..]

"You're leaving, aren't you?" [I can't believe it, he was just going to leave without telling me. If I hadn't stopped by his room, I'd have never known.]

"Please, don't. Please stay."

[He wants to, darlin', I can tell, but..]

"I can't Marie. I'm no good to you or anyone else any more."

"It is, kid, it is. I thought.."

"I thought that I could come back and you'd be my Marie and I'd be your Logan. It ain't workin' out like that, though."

"But I can be what you want, just tell me - "

[No, Marie, don't - ]

"It's not you, darlin'. It's not. It's me. I can't be - I can't be who you think I am anymore. I - I think I'd better go while you still remember some of the good stuff about me, not just me yellin' and makin' you cry. I.at least this way, you'll remember some of the good stuff about me."

"Come on now, don't cry. It's gonna be all right. You're gonna be all right."

"No, I'm not. I - I don't want you to go."

"It's for your own good, darlin'. I ain't fit to be around. I ain't."

"I don't want to be without you. Please. I - I love you."

"I know, kid. But you're so much better than me. You deserve so much better."

[Goddammit, all right, keep your pants on, Chuck! He wants you, Marie, there's a mission.]

[Good God, not now.]

[He's screamin' for ya. It's Sabretooth. And Magneto.]

"It's the Professor. There's a mission. I've got to go. Please - please don't go anywhere until I get back. Please, Logan, promise me that."

"I can't, kid, I gotta - "

"Please, Logan, I won't go unless you promise and they really need me, please!"

"I promise. Now - go, go on."

[Marie, just hang on.]

[You hang on. You stay awake, Marie. You listen to me.]

"massive blood loss, Scott. Not to mention the scarring even if she survives"

[I know, darlin', but you gotta stay awake, keep talkin' to me. Stay with me. Can't lose you, baby, hang on.]