Holding Rogue


Title:  Holding Rogue
Author:  Terri
E-mail:  xgrrl26@yahoo.com
Rating:  PG-13
Disclaimer:  I don't own either one of them.  Rats.
Archive:  WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Peep Hut-anyone else please ask.
Feedback:  Please?  With a cherry on top?  Good, bad, and ugly welcome..
Summary:  Logan ponders a few things while holding on to Rogue.
Comments:  This was prompted by a plot bunny flung by Carolyn that asked-what if everyone teased Logan about liking Rogue and kept bringing it up in every conversation, the way that Jean does that to Rogue in some of my fics. (Me?  Write a BadJean?  Shocking, I know.)  This one didn't exactly go that way, and it did get taken over by the foof peeps.

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She fits just right with me.  When she lays down with me like this, with her head over my heart and her arm around my waist, she's in the perfect spot.   My legs can tangle all up with hers, I can feel the weight of her body on top of mine, and when she's sound asleep like she is right now, her deep in-and-out breaths make a warm spot on my chest. 

I wonder if she knows how much I like this.  I mean, she does it a lot-and not just after nightmares, either.  Sometimes, like right now, it's just because she wanted an afternoon nap.  I'd do it all the time with her-every night, whenever she wanted sleep, anytime at all-but I dunno if she'd do it all the time with me, and I don't want to push my luck.

I just don't really know how to be around her since I got back.  She makes me nervous or somethin'.  I think it's 'cause I wanna be careful to do and say the right things around her-I want her to love me as much as I love her.  I mean, you can't come right out and say that, can you?  What would I say?  'Uh, hey, Marie, since I saved your life and all and pretty much made it real clear that you're the most important thing to me ever, dontcha wanna feel the same way about me?'  That's not gonna work.  That's something Scooter would say.  So I hafta show her by doin' stuff and just wait to see what she does.  I ain't good at waitin', but Marie-she would definitely be worth it.

I don't mind tellin' ya, when Jeannie told me she had a crush on me, my brain scrambled.  Up until that point, I really hadn't even considered the possibility of her feelin' somethin' for me.  And then, when I did start thinkin' about it, it pretty much unsettled what little inside of me had gotten settled for the past fifteen years.  Headin' up north suddenly seemed like a helluva good option. 

But then when she caught me on the way out-well, my brain scrambled again, but this time I told it to get it's shit together and at least say somethin' to the girl.  I did, and then I looked at her, and then I couldn't keep my hands offa her for even the few seconds we were talkin'.  And what she said-that she didn't want me to go-well, that gave me some hope.  Maybe she was likin' me at least a little.  Maybe she wanted me around some of the time.  I mean, at least to keep her safe.  She knew that I could at least do that for her.  I demonstrated that pretty good.

I knew I'd get out and back to Marie fastest on Scooter's little bike.  Heh.  I still refuse to apologize to him for that, and I know it irks him.  Gone twelve days, then right back here.  Called her ten times in those twelve days, couldn't go too long without hearin' her voice.  And the things she said then-that she missed me, and when was I comin' back?-well, that gave me more hope.

She was happy to see me when I got in, that's for damn sure.  Ran up to me, hugged me real tight, smiled as big as I've ever seen her.  I could smell it on her too-she was relieved that I came back safe.  It's what I can't smell on her that gives me more than a little pause.  There's never been a hint of want or lust or that carnal, animal thing that would mean she wants me like that.  I don't-I don't know if it's just because Marie's different-maybe that's not how she thinks about love-or if it's because she doesn't think about me that way.

Jeannie, Scooter and all the x-geeks tease the hell outta me about it now.  I mean, there was no hidin' it once I got back here and moved in (next to Marie still, of course).  Bein' totally oblivious to a bikini-clad Jeannie as she was walkin' through the kitchen 'cause I was tryin' to have a serious conversation with Marie-well, that was a pretty big clue.  Scooter always says Marie's got the big, bad Wolverine wrapped around her little finger, and I guess that's true.  There's not a damn thing I can think of that I wouldn't do for her.

But you know what?  She never asks me for anythin'.  Not a damn thing.  Tried buyin' her stuff-a leather jacket and some nice earrings from prize money I made up north.  She thanked me and I could tell she liked 'em-she wears 'em both all the time, still-but she said a lotta stuff about how I don't hafta get her things.  She never asks me to fight her battles with other people, either, although I'd bet money that knowin' how close she is to me has made more than a few of those mutie kids think twice before messin' with her.  They tease her too-you're in love with the old man, he ain't even a normal mutant, you'll never be enough for him 'cause of your skin-but she either kicks her own asses there or says somethin' back that shuts 'em up.  She's got a real sharp tongue when she puts her mind to it, but you know, she's never said a harsh word to me. 

I think the biggest thing is that she still wears the tags.  I told her when I got back that I thought she should keep 'em and she asked if it was OK that she'd been wearin' 'em around her neck.  Hell yes, it was OK.  That's a sign.  That's a sign right there that even if she don't feel exactly like I do, she knows-some part of her *knows* - she's mine.  That gives me a lotta hope.

"Mmmph."  She's gonna be wakin' up soon and then I hafta let her go again, until the next time she decides she wantsta lay down with me.  Stay asleep a little longer, Marie.  Just a little more.  "Logan?"

"Yeah."  Sometimes she does that-stretches and rubs up against my whole body.  God, that's good. 

"You up?"

"Kinda."

She always smiles when she first wakes up, and I like to think it's 'cause she likes wakin' up with me.  Those big brown eyes look a little sleepy.  Maybe this'll be one of those times she does snuggle back down for some more sleep.  "I'm up, but I'm too comfy to move."

"Fine by me."  She is gonna settle back down and just stay close.  That's the best-even better than when she does go back to sleep.  I know when that happens, that there's at least some part of her that just likes bein' close to me.  "I don't got any plans for the rest of the day."

"Mmmmm.......I don't either.  But it would be kind of lazy to stay in bed the whole day, wouldn't it?"

"Nah.  You got-whaddya call 'em?"

"Finals."

"Finals.  You got them comin' up and you need to conserve your energy."  I can feel her shake a little, laughin' at that.  "Besides, it's rainin' out.  Nothin' to do anyhow."

"Mmmm-hmmmm.  I really love this, you know?"  Now, that's new.  She's never, ever said anythin' like that before. 

"Me too."  I definitely wanna encourage more of it.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah."  Hello-that's somethin' new too-one little hand strokin' my chest.  You know, that's gonna make me get hard in no time.  I know she's felt me get an erection before-she usually settles in with her stomach right up next to me.  She don't move away ever, but she never says nothin' about it either.  Oh the other hand, what the hell would she say?

"Do you know that nobody really touches me besides you?  You're the only one not afraid."  I dunno what to say to that.  I kinda like it that way, to be honest, but I don't want her to like it just 'cause of that.  "I'm so glad you're not.  If I had to make a list of people to touch, you'd be at the top."

"Yeah?"  She's all fulla new things today.  Good new things.

"Yeah."  I think she wiggled a little closer to me-she's got to be feeling that erection up against her now.  "Logan?  You know, once I'm done with finals, I thought maybe we could do something together, just you and me.  What do you think?"

"Sounds good."  The combination of those words and the continued wigglin' is definitely makin' me-

"Can we wait until then?"  Lookin' up at me now.  Yeah, she felt that up against her.

"Sure.  Of course."

"Good."  She's hunkered down in the right spot now.  Yeah, she's in a good spot now.  "Two more weeks."

"Uh, Marie?  After that, after the two weeks, you're thinkin' that we should-"

"Yeah.  But-but just this for a little while longer, OK?  Just this until then."  Two weeks.  Two weeks ain't long in normal time, and hell, in my life two weeks ain't anythin' at all.  But in waitin'-for-Marie time, it's a helluva long time.  But I can wait it out-I can wait a long time 'cause I think what she's sayin' is then we'll be together.  I think she's sayin' that's what she wants.  And that's the best thing, the most I coulda hoped for.

"You got it, kid."  For now, just this.  But later-later could be everythin' I ever wanted.  I can wait for that.

 
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