Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Comments: Sorry this is so very late - I got thrown by that big Winter in Yellowstone bunny! Thanks to all who voted and sent fb for this series. It was a ton of fun to do, and I loved the challenge of writing each chapter :)

"Me too." I really missed Mary while we were gone. I've been thinking about her a lot, and about what Mr. Logan and Dr. McCoy said about how to do things with the both of us. I think they both gave me some good advice and I want to be sure not to mess things all up. "I brought you a present." It's just a little something from one of the truck stops we hit on the way back, but her eyes sure did light up. Glad I got her it.

"You're welcome." Am I blushing? I've got to stop that. It's not manly. I bet Mr. Logan never blushes. Or Dr. McCoy. But - oh-oh - it's not going to get any easier when she's hugging me like that.

"It's OK. I'm the one who went on a trip, right?" Look at how she blushes. She looks good doing it. Makes me just want to kiss her cheeks. I hope it means she really likes me. "Anyway, earrings like that wouldn't look good on me." Heh. I made her laugh.

"It's been a long time since anyone got me a present, and I don't think I've ever gotten anything this beautiful. I'll - I'll wear them all the time. Thanks." Right now, looking at her so happy, I'm real glad that we found her, not those people from Westchester. I get pretty mad if I think about what they did to Ms. Marie too much, so I won't, but I do know that if they ever tried anything with Mary, I'd be even madder. I'm glad she found us. She belongs here. "You know what? I could make you kind of a present. I could make us lunch - how about that?"

"Sounds good. But hey - Mary? Can I say something first?" I've been doing a lot of thinking about her, and the whole situation, and I think this is right. I think it'll work out OK. "I was hoping you'd, ah, you know, be my girlfriend. I haven't really had a girlfriend before, so I'm not exactly sure how to go about it, but I was hoping you'd be my girlfriend and we'd - the, um, things we did together in the barn, that we could maybe do some more of that stuff, you know, later or whenever, and that we could only, um, just date each other. What - what do you think?" I think that was more nerve racking than the whole Westchester thing. But I think Mr. Logan was right about one thing - I have to figure out if she's just experimenting or if she really likes me for sure. The girlfriend question should do the trick.

"I think." If she says no, it's OK. It's OK. But not if she says no because she's worried about her past or her powers or anything like that. Maybe I should've said I liked kissing her and the barn coming down didn't spoil it. I think I said that to her before, but maybe she - "I think that would be nice."

"I like you. I think - I think you're real pretty and a very good person to boot. I'm glad you came here, and I'm even gladder that you kinda like me too." Oh-oh. Should've stopped when I was ahead. I think she's going to cry. Darn it! I messed up! "Um, if that was all wrong, just - just - ah, remember how I said I've never had a girlfriend before? Well, it's probably - "

"No, no. That wasn't wrong at all. That - that was the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me, ever. I just get a little emotional, you know, when things work out OK instead of sucking." Whew. OK. Maybe I should - oh - she's going to hug me. It really is OK.

"Uh-uh. That's my present to you." There, the tears are stopping. I've got to be careful with her, really careful. I know what it feels like a little, to have everything keep going so bad for so long that you forget things can go good. Mr. Logan took me in, and he and Ms. Marie showed me there are good things too, even for mutants. I just have to make Mary see that too, so she gets used to things being good, not bad. I think I can do that.

Could things get much worse? "Look, I didn't mean to rehash the whole thing. All I'm saying is that I think it would help. I'm sure Marie would feel better and you might even feel better too. It's just a suggestion, Jean."

"It's a bad one. I don't have any desire to endlessly revisit this topic, and I'm sure 'Marie' or whatever she's calling herself these days wouldn't want to hear from me. I'd probably be accused of harassing her or some such thing."

"Fine." I don't know how much more of this I can take. I've tried - I've tried so hard to be supportive, but lately, Jean takes everything the wrong way. Something's got to change, but she won't even talk about it, much less admit there's a problem.

"I guess you're going to pout now, because I won't follow your suggestion." She used to look at me with those soft green eyes. She used to put her hands on my waist and pull me to her and look at me like I was the most handsome man in the world. When a woman as good-looking as Jean does that, you even believe it. "Well, I'm sorry, but, really, Scott, I've done all I can. If people want to judge me on the basis of one mistake, let them. There's nothing I can do about it."

"Nobody's judging you. Jean, everyone understands that it *was* a mistake. The Professor, Storm, me - we all know you never meant to hurt Rogue." Let's just not even mention the things that weren't mistakes - destroying the records, being recalcitrant about telling Logan in person - because Lord knows going there is only going to send her careening over the edge. I wish we could talk about it rationally. I really wish we could, because that's where the problem really is - it's not that she made a mistake, it's how she reacted to making a mistake, how she tried to cover it up and still won't really take total responsibility for it. I never thought there would be something so fundamentally different between the two of us, but responsibility - it's something ingrained so strongly in me. I don't like that Jean doesn't see things the same way, have the same values.

"No. And I don't really care what everyone thinks. I care that you can't seem to get past this. That's all - that's the only reason I suggested writing the letter, Jean, for you. So you could find some closure, some resolution."

I thought I knew who you were, but you've changed. You're still changing, moving further away from me. I want to stop it, I do, but I don't know what else to try. "OK. OK, then."

"Good." We used to talk about everything - anything and everything - and now there's nothing that doesn't come back to Marie and The Mistake. "I'm going to the lab. Don't worry, I won't kill any of the patients while I'm down there."

"Jean - " I can't go on like this. This has to stop. Aren't you hurting as much as I am? Don't you miss us, the old us, the good us? "I love you." And maybe that's the last time I can say it. Maybe that's the last time I can say it and mean it. Please see that, please feel that, Jean.

I admit, it has not been a momentous beginning. Perhaps - perhaps it is not a beginning at all. I do not know what she is thinking. She is thankful, yes, very thankful that Zach and Jason and I picked her up and brought her to Logan's. She had been living on the road a long time, and even though her power is formidable in some ways, I can imagine that it would be of little use in others. Super-intelligence has its merits, but in a physical situation, in a fight, its use is somewhat limited. There are instances when brawn is better than brains.

"Wow, it looks like you have a lot of state-of-the-art equipment here." She has also been very complimentary, both of me personally and the surroundings. I am certain that is simply her good upbringing showing through, though. One could tell immediately that she was a young woman of quality, even if she was performing bar tricks for money in one of the worst establishments in all of Canada when we found her. After all, immediately calculating the square root of any number is not your usual bar trick. I would wager that half the patrons had no idea what the words 'square root' mean, and had one among them not had a calculator, I would wager that they would never have known if her answers were accurate. They were, of course, all the way down to the fifth decimal place. Amazing. "You must have a lot of fun in the lab."

"Ah yes, yes it is quite entertaining at times. And most of the equipment you see here was funded by various grants. Income from patent royalties helps substantially, both to support this laboratory and the house in general." That sounded egregiously like showing off for her. But - but she seems amused, almost delighted, in fact.

"I only made it to my junior year of high school, before it hit. I didn't - ah - the smart thing was good, but I couldn't hide the way my eyes changed. Everyone knew I was a mutant."

"I think your eyes are a lovely shade of ruby red." There - now there's a string of sounds that didn't make me sound arrogant, just like some kind of mooney, love-struck idiot. Wonderful improvement, that.

"Certainly, Carrie. Would you mind removing your jeans and hopping up on the examination table?" And Henry, my dear boy, please do remember that the girl is only nineteen, very afraid, and your patient, not a prospective romantic partner, no matter how strongly attracted to her you may be. She would have no reason to return that attraction, so simply put that idea out of your head right now. You are here to help her, not hit on her. "I can still call Marie down if you'd like."

"Sorry! Sorry!" What did I say about less-than-a-momentous beginning? Let me rectify that - it is a horrible beginning, much worse than my making initial contact by inadvertently spilling hot coffee on her at the bar by way of introduction. "I am very sorry. I apologize."

"It's OK. I should've probably warned you that it's really tender if you twist it a little." Brilliant smile. Lovely hair. Entrancing eyes. "Hank? Do you think you can fix it?"

"Ah - sorry. Yes. Yes, we can fix it. We may have to dislocate it again, then set it correctly, and you may be laid up a bit for a few days. I would like to take some x-rays, if you don't mind, so that I can see whether it's back in the right place."

"Thanks for everything. I really appreciate you guys helping me out. It's nice - it's nice to be somewhere safe." Oh my. My legs seem to have turned to Jell-O. The way she is looking at me with those large, beautiful eyes - like I am her hero, I think - the way she is looking at me is doing some very odd things to my internal organs. "I hope you don't mind me, um, hanging out with you, trying to learn a little bit about what you do. I always liked bio best in school. I'd like to learn more about it." That small smile and blush - I do believe they have somehow made my heart begin beating in double time. Yes, there is definitely an effect on the vital organs. Interesting phenomenon. "Hank?"

"That is not why I was looking." I wonder if this is how Logan felt when he first met Marie - I wonder if he felt the same kind of recognition at a kindred soul coupled with worry over having an unfair upper hand, courtesy of the age and experience difference, not to mention the situation. I must make a mental note to ask for his advice about it. But first, I should come clean with Carrie. "I find you, ah, attractive. My apologies. You are in no danger from me, but I was - I was inappropriately caught up in gazing at you because I find you attractive. If you are ill at ease receiving medical services from me, I am sure we can locate another physician. I, ah, I apologize."

"Mmm-hmm. I just - you're the first person I've ever had such a big reaction to, you know a big emotional reaction. That's probably why I bumped you and spilled your coffee. I was noticing you, but not, ah, paying attention to where you were going. I don't know. It just feels like there's something between us." Attractive. She finds me attractive too. "Um, Hank? Could you maybe say something now?"

"Sorry. Yes. I mean - yes, yes, I can say something now. And I apologize for my lapse in attention. You, ah, caught me off guard. 'Attractive' is not a word commonly associated with me." But it aptly describes the look on her face now - how could I have missed her nose? The way it scrunches up, the very pleasing shape of it. And her mouth. I, ah - I had better bring that train of thought to a halt.

"It should be." She's taking her hand away - perhaps that is a signal that this part of the conversation is over. I must ask Logan about that too - I am quite rusty in the romantic signals department. "I'd like to get to know you better. I'd like to - to see how things go."

"Sounds splendid." Indeed, it does. Before - before coming here and living day to day among the children, before learning and feeling what it is like to be accepted despite my mutation - before all that, I may not have ever been able to believe that someone would be attracted to me. But now, looking at Carrie, I can believe it. I want to believe it. "Would you like to follow me to the x-ray machine? We could get started on assessing that knee."

Thank God things are finally comin' to an end. No more fuckin' x-men, no more wonderin' 'bout Marie's treatment, no more crap in my life, I hope. Just me and Marie, settlin' in, livin' our lives. There'll be plenty of excitement outta that, I'm sure. Got yet another mouth to feed, and I saw the looks big blue was givin' her. He's a good guy, no worries, but that oughta be interestin' - she was givin' him some pretty obvious looks back too. Plus, Jason's back. Good to have him home, but I'd bet he gets to buttin' heads with me over some damn thing in no time. And I got Marie - all talkin' and bein' real sexy in the bedroom. That's the kinda excitement I could do with more of. More of that, fewer fuck ups - that sounds good to me.

"Not as nice as yours, baby." I also love havin' her close. Right here, in my arms, I know for damn sure that nothin' can hurt her. I'd never let it. "Whatcha up to now? Doin' anythin'?" 'Cause it's never too early for bedtime with Marie. Last night, she bit me in this one spot on my neck that just about made me explode. I bet she can find that spot again.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I don't really wanna rile 'em up over there. I don't want anymore damn x-men on my doorstep. Plus, it ain't gonna make Jeannie see the light.

"No. That's why I was hoping you'd take a look." Hmph. You know, as much as she's hadta depend on me in the past, I'm still kinda surprised that she asks for my opinion now, when she doesn't hafta, when I kinda don't expect her to. If she wanted to send pages fulla curses to Jeannie, I wouldn't really blame her and I wouldn't expect her to give a shit what I thought about it. Kinda nice that she does give a shit.

I'm really mad and really hurt about what happened. Jubilee and Kitty say that you made a mistake when you gave me all that mutatol, and I believe that, but not telling us and trying to hide what happened wasn't a mistake. I thought that you were looking out for me, and for all of us kids at the mansion, but you weren't honest about what happened, and that makes me think you were looking out for yourself. I tried to tell you when I was back in Westchester not to keep giving me the drugs. I know it didn't come out right because I was so messed up, but you didn't try to figure out what I was trying to tell you - you just went ahead and did what you wanted to anyway.

You hurt me, a lot, and I don't want to me mean, but I want you to know that I don't forgive you for it. You stole so much of my life and changed me for good. I'll never be like who I was before, I'll never really be me again. I have to make a new me, and if I didn't have Logan, I don't think I could even do that. You probably won't ever really understand all this, but I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know you hurt me, and that it's not forgiven. I would never go out of my way to hurt you back, but I'll never lift a finger to help you either. I trusted you, and you almost killed me. You did poison me. Even if I can forgive you one day, I'll never forget it.

"Nah. Hell, you wouldn't wanna see what I'd write, darlin'." I'd hafta get out the dictionary and find new swear words to express how pissed I am. "I don't think it's too mean."

"I don't really care what Jeannie would think about it. If it'd make you feel even a little bit better about the whole thing, send it." 'Cause God knows Marie deserves to feel better, and if takin' a few shots at Jeannie'll do it, more power to her. Jeannie's the one who deserves the shots, after all.

"I'd start off with - Look, you mother fucker: You're never gonna get a chance to lay your filthy hands on Marie again. You shouldn't be allowed to lay 'em on anybody. You're a fuckin' incompetent fuckin' doctor and a selfish damn person besides. I hate you for hurtin' Marie, for makin' her suffer, for takin' her away from me. If you ever cross my fuckin' path, you'd better run like hell in the opposite fuckin' direction. I wouldn't letcha cut my dog's toenails. You suck. Rot in hell."

"That's 'bout as nice as I can manage. I didn't even say anythin' 'bout hackin' her up inta little pieces or, you know, how much I'd like to put her through what you've been through so she can get a taste of her own fuckin' medicine. That was nice for me, darlin'." Hmm. She's givin' me one of those measurin' looks, the kind that says she's makin' a decision. Well, she turned back to the computer, so I guess she's made up her mind. It might rile some shit up in Westchester, but I meant what I said - if it makes her feel better, she should send it. Fuck them. Jeannie should be grateful that I ain't goin' there in person to - hey! Whaddya know, she hit the delete key. "Uh, Marie?"

"It's not really worth it. I don't want to - to be like her at all, and that's something she'd do, be mean even if other people got upset. It felt good to write it, but it's not worth it." She's got a helluva lotta class, my girl. "Besides, it's all over now. I'm - I'm doing pretty OK and I'm talking again. I feel good. It's all over now."

"That's right, darlin', it is. Why dontcha come to bed now, hmm? I know it's only seven, but I got a few plans for ya." Yeah, that's a helluva smile. Bet Jeannie wouldn't ever smile like that, and that's probably punishment enough. Well, not really, but it's punishment I'll settle for 'cause nothin' would probably be enough and nothin' would change the past. But Marie's right, that's over now, and we've got a new life to live. That part's just beginnin'.