Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Eighteen Days of Relative Peace and Quiet

Title: Eighteen Days of Relative Peace and Quiet

Author: Terri

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Darn.

Archive: Ask, and ye shall receive.

Feedback: Please? Pretty please?

Summary: Sequel to Eighteen Penalty Minutes. Logan and Rogue enjoy what passes for calm in their lives, for about eighteen days.
Series: Eighteen #33

Comments: Yes, this was one of those that took a loooong time to write. And a long time to beta. And a long time to revise after the beta-well, you get the idea. This is the thirteen pound baby after fifty hours of labor kinda fic. Also, I feel compelled to tell you-if you're ever thinking about having sex on a porch swing, test the strength of the chains holding it up first. Test thoroughly. I speak from experience here.

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Day One

Ah, home sweet cabin. "This is the last of it, darlin'."

"Hey. Thanks for bringing all that stuff up." That came from the kitchen. "I'm just putting away your snack food." She looks pretty good right now, stretchin' up to put those bags in the cabinet. And since I've been kissin' her...... "Oooh! Shoulder kiss-I like those."

"Well, you know what a hardship it is for me to do it, but since you like 'em......"

"Don't strain yourself or anything, but I could do with one or two more." She's feelin' frisky today. Has been since this morning. I think she's gettin' over it, what happened with Sabretooth. Just need to be careful with her, that's all. Just need to make sure not to do nothin' stupid or say nothin' to upset her.

"Mmmm....."

"Anythin' else you'd like there, darlin'?" She's been pretty good about lettin' me know what's OK and where she needs to stop. It's good to be able to at least do some stuff with her, to cross that line. To know that she wants us to do those things not just-not just holdin' each other, not just, you know, friend stuff. It's been a helluva lot easier on me, to be honest. I never stopped wantin' her and I never did like takin' cold showers.

"Hmm. I could do with a kiss on the lips. You know, if you don't mind too much." She's tryin' to tease but dissolvin' into that big grin at the end ain't helpin'.

"Oh, I don't mind at all." And I shoulda guessed that's what she wanted 'cause she's wearin' her favorite scarf.

She tastes good. I promised myself from the first time she let me kiss her again that I'd remember it, that every time, I'd fix it in my head just in case some other weird shit happened to us and I had to go without tastin' her for a while again. I'd like to tell myself that we'll be together now, that nothin' else is gonna happen. That the universe might finally be done fuckin' with the both of us. I'd like to tell myself that but I've never been a good liar.

"Logan?"

"Hmm?"

"You stopped kissing me."

"Oh, sorry baby." Fuck, thinkin' insteada kissin'. Must have my head up my ass.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin' baby, nothin'." I ain't gonna lay my shit on her. She don't need it. She's just startin' to come out from under her own problems.

"Something's bothering you. Talk to me."

"It's nothin', really. Hey-another kiss?" Gonna go ahead and do it, don't think she'll mind, and if I wait, she'll ask me to talk. Not gonna lay all my shit on her, she don't need it. I'm the one who's gotta be there for her, take care of her. I'm not gonna be a burden to her, not when we're just gettin' things back together. I'm not gonna take a chance on fuckin' that up.

Day Two

"No! No!"

"Logan, wake up, sugar."

"No! Get away from her!"

"Logan, wake up. Honey, you're having a nightmare. Come on, wake up."

"Marie!?"

"Yes, sugar, it's-ooomph!"

"Are you OK?! God, are you OK?!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, Logan. Calm down. It was only a nightmare. It was only a nightmare. I'm OK. Sugar, you're squeezing the life out of me. It's OK."

"Shit. Sorry."

"Logan, it's OK. It's fine. I'm all right now."

"Oh, shit."

"Don't-don't get out of bed. It's-it's OK. We got away from Sabretooth and everything's fine now. Come back to bed, sugar. Come on."

"I didn't mean to wake you up. I didn't mean for you to hear all that shit."

"It's all right."

"It ain't. I didn't mean to fuck up."

"You didn't. Logan-it's fine, really. Please, just come back to bed with me. Please."

"I can't. I can't. I'm just gonna-I'm just gonna go for a little walk, OK?"

"Logan, it's eleven o'clock at night."

"Yeah. I won't be too long. I just-I'll be back, baby."

"Logan-"

Day Three

It would be really, really helpful if I remembered how to deal with this. Sure, I can remember the preamble to the Constitution, the multiplication tables, and that I like ranch dressing on salad, but not a thing about how to deal with this. I have rotten luck.

He's asleep now, at least. God, he must've been out walking for a couple hours. I think it just upset him more that I was still awake when he came back, but I couldn't sleep without him. It probably took him another two hours to get back to sleep. No more nightmares, but he held me very tight.

I know it had to be awful for him. God, I can't imagine how I'd deal with it if we'd traded places. I wouldn't be half as good as he's been, I know. He just focused totally on me, on taking care of me, on giving me what I needed. He's never once let any of it out. Never once pissed or moaned about it, never yelled, never cried. I'm sure that's why it's coming out like this, in nightmares. But I get the feeling it's not going to be at all easy to get him to talk about it. The way he jumped out of bed and left last night.....it kind of scared me.

I wish I knew what I did before, but I guess I don't. And the part of him that's in my head isn't helping that much either. Maybe-maybe this didn't happen before. Maybe that's why I don't remember-because there's nothing there *to* remember. Well, in any case, I've got to deal with it using what I know now. I'm not getting any help from my past or my inner Logan on this one.

"Hey darlin'. You up?"

"Yeah, sugar. How're you doing?" I know he likes it when I touch him. I can tell his body relaxes. I know he likes it when I touch his chest or back, especially.

"I'm just fine, baby, just fine. Don't you worry about me." It's working. He's relaxing a little. Woke up just now tense as anything. Almost like he was pissed off he'd fallen asleep. Well, time to try plan A.

"I am a little worried. Last night-that was a bad nightmare."

"Won't happen again." Going to have to come up with plan B, I think. Not really a surprise.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Nah." Definitely need a plan B.

"OK, sugar."

"How'd you sleep? I didn't wake ya up again, did I?"

"No, not at all. Just woke up a few minutes ago. Just watching you sleep for a little while."

At least that got a little smile. "Sorry I slept so late, darlin'."

"No problem. It's not like we've got to be anywhere. We've got all day. And frankly, staying in bed today sounds like a good option. It started raining out, thunder and lightning too." Maybe he'll be able to get a little more sleep. He looks tired, beat.

"Sounds good to me. You know, uh, I didn't mean for you to hear all that, last night. It's really not botherin' me or anythin'. I don't know why I had that nightmare."

"Can I ask you for something, sugar?"

"Sure, whatever you need."

"I was hoping you might like to give me a good morning kiss." I know he likes the physical stuff. And not just for-not just because it feels nice. It means something to him. It's almost like-almost like it's how he communicates those deeper feelings, how he gives and gets them. Sometimes, especially those first few kisses, it felt so powerful, like everything was just right there, flowing back and forth between us. How odd that he chose someone he can't ever really touch when the physical stuff means so much to him. He must love me a whole lot.

"Of course, darlin'. Happy to oblige." I'm going to try to make this day good for him. I'm going to start thinking about what he needs. He needs me now. He needs me now. And I'm going to try my best to be there for him, to be what he needs. Just like he has.

Day Four

"Shh."

"But Marie, I-"

"Hush, sugar. Let me."

God, I wanna. I really, really wanna but she's-she's not ready, I don't think she's ready.

"Darlin' stop." Gotta get-gotta get her hands off me or I won't be able to say no. Not when she's touchin' me like that.

"Logan, sugar. Listen to me. I want to. I want to so much. Please, please just let me." Wriggling her little gloved hands outta mine. Maybe she does, maybe she really is ready. Don't wanna take a chance, though, 'cause if she's not and I let her it could be a serious fuck up.

"B-but-"

"But nothing. Let me touch you. I want to feel you, I want to watch you. Please, Logan, please." Soft hands trailing across my chest and down my stomach.

"You sure?"

"Yes, baby, please. Please just let me." God, oh yes, so good like that. Soft and gentle and slow, almost lazy.

"Unnh." She's so close to me, she's got her whole body pressed up against mine and I can smell her so strong.

"Yes......"

"Oh, darlin'....." Like I like it, just like I like it. Either she remembers or she's going by me in her head, because she's doin' it perfectly, just perfectly. And the way she's lookin' at me, all that tenderness in her eyes. God, I missed this. I need it.

"Logan.....you feel so good.." A little faster now, a little harder. Oh, yeah, that's-that's it, just like I like it.

"Yes, baby.....love you......" Hafta make sure she knows that 'cause I don't think-I don't know if she really is ready for this. I shouldn't let her, I shouldn't but I need -

"I know, sugar, I know.....I want to make this good for you. I want you to feel how much I want you, how much I need you." Those words, those words, I never thought she's say them again and even if she can't say I love you, even if she doesn't, God, it's good to hear those words. They're somethin'.

"Uhhh." Gettin' so close now. So close. She knows it too, she has to, the way she's touchin' me. "Marie....."

"Whenever you want to, whenever you're ready, sugar."

Now. I want to now. "Uh! Aaaah!" Can't stop it, can't stop -

"Yes, baby, yes....."

"Oh! Marie!" God, oh God, so good.

"Sugar, baby, that's it, that's it, let go."

"Aaah! Unnh!" Couldn't stop, oh.wanted to make that last longer but I couldn't stop. Too good. It's been too long. Too good..

"Oh, sugar. You're so beautiful right now, so amazing." She's the beautiful one, all that dark hair spillin' down, so much emotion on her face, so much.......

"Stay close." Shit, that sounded needy, and I don't want her to think-

"Not going anywhere at all." Hands rubbin' my stomach now, helpin' me ride it out a little. God, that's good. "Nowhere else I'd rather be."

"Thank-thank you." She didn't hafta do that. I know she did 'cause she thinks I needed it. And I did, I really, really did, but I coulda waited and if I hadn't had that fuckin' nightmare, she wouldn't think-

"I love pleasing you like that. I loved watching you." That's true. She really means that. Maybe she was really ready. She's always told me the truth, all of it. So honest, so open. And so pure. She's just so pure. Nothin' bad should ever happen to her, ever. Makes what did happen all the more-no, no, stop thinkin' that. "Logan?"

"Yeah, baby?" Fuck, my face gave somethin' away. Fuck.

"You OK? You flinched a little. Did I-am I doing something you don't like?"

"No, no, not at all. It was nothin', baby. Nothin'."

Soft eyes, hands movin' up to my face now. "It's OK if I did. You can just tell me. I want to make it good for you, I want to do it just how you want it. You can tell me."

"You were perfect, just perfect darlin'. That was everythin' I wanted." Don't-don't stop touchin' me, no-I -

"You want to talk about anything? Is it Sabretooth?" She's a smart cookie, my girl. But I ain't gonna do it, I ain't gonna ruin this by layin' my shit on her.

"Nah. I'm fine, baby, just fine." Maybe shouldn't-maybe shouldn't do this, but I-I think I can just take her hands and put them back on my chest. I want to feel her touchin' me just a little bit more.

"OK, sugar." She don't believe me, but she's movin' her hands across my chest. God, that's good. She's gonna let it drop for now, I can tell. I gotta stop fuckin' up like this 'cause she's not gonna let it go too many more times. "OK, sugar."

Day Five

"Fuck! Stop it!"

"Logan, wake up, sugar, please."

"Arrrgh!"

"Whoa. Logan? Logan?"

"What?!"

"Logan, sugar, you were havin' a nightmare. Put-put your claws back in, OK?"

"What? I-oh, fuck!"

"It's OK, it's OK."

"Oh God, I hurt you!"

"Just a little nick. See? It's already healing right up. It's OK."

"Fuck."

"Logan, don't-don't leave again. Don't. Please."

"It's not safe, it's not safe for you with me. I'm not safe."

"That's not true, sugar. That's not true."

"Yes it is! Look! Look what I just fuckin' did!"

"Logan, don't panic, it's all right, I'm fine."

"You're not! You're not fuckin' fine! You've-you've lost all your memories and Sabretooth fuckin' tortured you and here I am, cuttin' you up just like he did!"

"No. No. Don't say that. Ever. You're not like he is. You're not."

"That's all you fuckin' remember, all you know about me is me hurtin' you or gettin' you hurt. Shit!"

"No, no-"

"I can't-I can't stand it."

"What? Logan, please, please talk to me."

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, baby. You don't know how much. I'm so sorry."

"For what, sugar? Please talk to me."

"I can't stand seein' you hurt. I can't stand hurtin' you. I keep promisin' to take care of ya, and I just fuck it all up! I've ruined your whole fuckin' life. I shoulda-I shoulda been strong. I shoulda been strong and let you go, turned you over to Chuck and Scooter when you lost your memories. You coulda had a fresh fuckin' start. But I fucked up. I fucked it all up for you. I can't stand it."

"That's not right. That's not how it is at all, sugar. You've made my life so good, so wonderful. You're the best thing in my whole life."

"You don't hafta say that just 'cause you remember sayin' it to me once. You-"

"I don't. I don't remember saying it before, Logan. I don't. But I mean it now."

"Don't say that, Marie. Just don't."

"Why not, sugar?"

"Because you shouldn't love me, you shouldn't. And now you don't. You don't. So just leave. Leave while you still can. Before somethin' else happens. Baby, please, I can't stand it. Please, just go. I'm beggin'."

"No, no, I'm not going to leave you. Not ever, sugar."

"Please, Marie, please!"

"Logan, calm down. Don't-don't do this to yourself. You're-you're going to hyperventilate."

"Please, just go. Now, while you can. Before I change my mind and before it happens again, before you get hurt again 'cause of me, 'cause I can't protect you. Please, baby."

"No. No. Just-come on, come here, come back to bed."

"I can't. I can't, Marie. 'Cause if I do, I won't be able to do what I should. I won't be able to do it."

"What's that, sugar?"

"I won't be able to let you go. You'll touch me and make me - I liked it too much, fuck, I even needed it. When I'm with you like that, I just-I just can't stop even if I know-God, Marie, please, I can't."

"Listen to me now, Logan. Listen. I'm not leaving you. That's just the way it's going to be. What happened with Sabretooth-it wasn't your fault. You did protect me, Logan, you did. You told me all those good things about me-that I was smart and brave-and I couldn't have gotten through it without that. You did protect me. You always do. But, baby, you don't have to protect me from you."

"Yes, I do, I hurt you tonight, again. Again. I-"

"It was an accident and I'm OK. And do you know why? Because you risked your life to save mine and gave me your power. Hank told me. He told me what really happened. I saw the medical records. You died. You died for a little while, Logan, and you did it to protect me."

"He fuckin' shouldnta-"

"But I'm glad he did. Logan, sugar, there is no one for me but you. Not because I feel grateful or because I don't really remember anybody else. It's because we belong together. I'm falling in love with you. Every day, every hour, every minute, I fall a little bit more in love with you."

"Don't. Don't fall in love with me again. Just stop it. It'll only get you hurt."

"I don't think that's true. I think it'll get me loved back, and protected, and cherished. You are the best, most amazing person I've ever met. Why on earth would I want to leave you?"

"'Cause of all the shit that's happened to you since you met me. Magneto-"

"He was after me, Logan, not you. You got hurt because of me there, not vice versa."

"But, I-"

"Saved my life."

"Marie."

"You listen to me, Logan. I'm not leaving. I'm going to fall in love with you, and I'm going to keep you in my life for as long as possible. That's how it's going to be. So just deal with it."

"Marie-"

"Now, I realize that there may be times when we'll get hurt, or when things will just happen that neither one of us can help. But that's life. For everybody. OK, granted, our life seems to have more than it's fair share of high drama and, well, violence, but that's just how it is. I want to face that with you. If that's how it's going to be, I want to face it with you."

"Darlin', I can't let you get hurt again. I can't."

"Do you think that if you left me, that my life would just somehow miraculously turn around? That it'd be full of roses and sunshine or something? Logan, the truth is, I have enemies. Some of them are even related to me. Without you-well, without you, I'd be dead more than a few times over already. You wouldn't have to see me get hurt, no, but you'd have seen me die."

"You need someone who can take care of you, someone who won't always fuck it up, someone who'll be able to protect you from all that shit."

"Like who?"

"I dunno-Chuck, he'd-"

"Sabretooth got me when I was with the X-Men. If I remember what I was told, I had to put him down myself-the rest of the team couldn't save me."

"Yeah, but-"

"But you think that somehow, they'd do better in the future? What would you be basing that on?"

"I dunno. They think they'd do better."

"They're wrong. Look what-would they do better like Jean did? Logan, don't punish yourself. Don't push me away because of what's happened. I-I can't make it without you. I need you."

"I know ya do right now, darlin', but once you're back to your old self, once you feel a little better-"

"Then I'll be more sure than ever that I want you in my life. I-I need you because you make me feel safe. Not from all that stuff, all those enemies-although you do, you do make me feel safe from them. But I meant safe with you. You make me feel safe with you. Like my heart, my life, everything I am is safe with you. You're not going to hurt me, or throw me away, or be unfair to me. You're just safe. You're just-you make me feel so loved and so alive-I know that I'm the best possible me, the truest possible me when I'm with you."

"Marie, please, don't....."

"Don't what, sugar?"

"Don't say those things, 'cause I-I wanna believe them. Too much. And if you aren't sure or if you're sayin' them just 'cause you're worried for me, I can't-I can't go back. If I say OK, if I believe it, I can't go back."

"Believe it. I mean it. I always mean what I say to you, Logan. You should know that by now."

"I really.....I really don't know what to do here."

"It's OK. Everything's going to be OK. Come back to bed, sugar. Come on, lay down with me. We can talk it out some more later, but let's get some rest now, OK?"

"I-I......All right.You know, I-I wanna be with you. I do, it's just that I think about everythin' I fucked up, everythin' I let go wrong, and I get scared. You've had to pay the price for that and I-I just get really scared."

"I'm not scared."

"That's 'cause you're the brave one, darlin'."

"It's easy to be brave when I've got you with me. Come on, sugar. There-that's-right there. You're perfect right there. I'm just going to snuggle down a little more. I really want to hold you close right now."

"You OK?"

"I feel better now that we talked a little. I know it's been bothering you."

"Yeah."

"Just-just-you can always talk about it, you know. I can deal. I want you to feel safe with me too."

"OK, darlin'."

"OK, then. Let's get some sleep."

Day Six

I think he's feeling better, at least a little. I can tell he's still editing what he says, still trying to be careful of me. I just have to make it OK for him to open up a little more, that's all. I think if he can, if he can really let all of it out, and hear me reassure him that I still want to be with him, that he's doing a good job with me, then I think he'll be able to move past it.

"Dinner almost ready?"

"Yeah. Got lucky catchin' a deer up here. That'll keep us fed for a while."

"It smells yummy." He's a very good cook. It's a wonder I don't have an extra hundred pounds or so on me.

"Be ready in about twenty minutes." He's still tense, a little. His shoulders-they're all bunched up.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Maybe a little shoulder rub would help. Yeah. His shoulders dropped the second my hands hit them.

"I dunno. Just hang out, I guess."

"Would it be OK with you if we went outside for a little while? I kind of felt like looking up at the stars tonight."

"Sure. You know, I've been thinkin' 'bout buildin' a porch. Just somethin' simple. Only take two or three trees and we got plenty."

"That's a great idea. I think I'd really like a porch." It'll keep him occupied a little, give him something physical to do to work out some of the stress. It's a really good idea.

"Yeah? Well, I'll get started tomorrow."

"You know, this really does feel like home. Our home."

"Yeah, it does. I never really-well before, I used to hole up here for the winter sometimes. It was quiet. But I never really thought of it as a home before you."

"That's really sweet. See? Things like that just make me fall in love with you."

"Darlin'." He's upset because he still doesn't know whether to trust that or not.

"Sugar....." A little teasing. Not the right time to have another deep talk. I think two in two days would be well over his quota. We have time. And in the mean time, I can show him a little, not just tell him. I'm beginning to see why I thought that I had to make my mutation go backwards, to push all that into his head to get him to stay.

"Mmm."

"Like that?" I know he does-there's a sensitive spot just where his neck meets his shoulder. I remember that.

"Yeah. But-"

"No talking." I remember that he likes it when I bite a little too, not just kiss that spot.

"Mmm.....darlin'we're.....we're not gonna get dinner if you keep that up."

"OK." I could've sworn I felt him trembling a little. And his voice just now-it sounded a lot like mine does when I feel overwhelmed by sensation, by his touch or his kisses. Maybe backing off a little to let him recover is a good idea. "I am a little hungry."

"A little? I heard your stomach a few minutes ago from in here." Joking. He wants to ease up too. I think-I think when I touched him before, it was a lot. It was a lot and now all the touches are a lot like that. Go slow, Marie, be careful with him.

Day Seven

"Please? I'd really, really like to."

I wanna, bad. "Are you *sure*?"

"Of course. I want-I want you to make me feel good. Please?" Lookin' up at me with those big brown eyes, so trustin'.

"You can say stop. You can say stop anytime." This is goin' fast, way too fast, I know. And I know she's doin' it to make me feel better. She's gotta know she can change her mind if it starts bein' too much. I don't want her like that-if it's just for me, to make me feel better.

"I know, sugar." Unbuttoning. She's unbuttoning. God, it's been so long.....feels like it's been forever.

"Do you want me to do that?" 'Cause I'll go slower. I'll go slower than she is and it'll give her time to think, to pull back if she needs to.

"I'd like that." That smile, that's her bedroom smile, for sure. Maybe part of her-maybe part of her wants this, needs this too. Maybe....

"Marie, baby, only if you want to. We don't hafta do this, only if you want to." Gonna keep testin' to be sure. Can't fuck up here. Gotta be sure.

"I want to. Please?" All unbuttoned now, and God, she looks every bit as gorgeous topless as I remember. Every bit.

"You're so beautiful, darlin'" Gonna go slow. Very slow. Just gonna touch her a little bit. Just a little bit. I can tell by her breathin' she's a little nervous. But there's-there's somethin' else in there too. She wants to, at least some. I don't think it's all because of me.

Little gloved hands reachin' out for me, slidin' through my hair. Gonna just put the scarf down. Been so long since I tasted her like this. I think it's OK. I think it's OK. I know how much touchin' affects her, how deep it is for her. I think it's OK, though.

"Oh." She still likes that. Her back arched a little and she took in a big breath. She still likes that. "Oh, Logan......" Yes, baby, say my name. It's me, it's me makin' you feel so good. Say it some more. "Oh....."

"More, baby?"

"Yes, yes, please....." She's gettin' lost now, lettin' the sensation wash over her. Not nervous now. "Oh, yes, Logan......" That taste-a little salty, a little sweaty-that taste right under the curve of her breasts, there's nothing in the world like that taste. Gonna remember it. Gonna fix it in my head too. "That's so good."

"I know, darlin', I know. As much as you want." 'Cause I could do this all day. Especially after it's been so long. God, I can remember the nights that she would be beggin' me and I just couldn't tear myself away from her breasts. Always loved 'em. Never really realized how occupied I got with 'em. This way is the best-my mouth on her breasts and my hands runnin' all over her. It's the best.

"Yes, sugar, go ahead." Oh, shit. Shit. "No, it's OK, it's OK." My hands went right to her waist, slidin' down under her sweats, and I didn't even notice. And she's sayin' that's OK, go ahead? It's too fast, she's gotta be sayin' that just 'cause she wants it for me. Gotta be.

"No, baby, not......not yet, all right? Not yet."

"Please, please Logan.....go ahead. I want you to. I want you to touch me, please." She knows I'm not good with sayin' no when she says please. But I gotta. Not gonna fuck up.

"You don't hafta do this for me. You don't." Gonna just be tender now, not sexual. Keep those hands on her stomach. On her stomach where there's still that damn scar from Sabretooth. God, the look on her face when she asked why I didn't just heal her that time......that just about broke me.

"Logan? Logan, sugar, stay with me."

"Sorry, darlin', thinkin'."

"Don't think about bad things, not now, OK? Now, just-just be with me, just touch me. I want to so much, please." Takin' my hand now, movin' it down 'cause I won't do it on my own. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. "Logan, breathe in-can't you-can't you tell how much I want you? Breathe me in."

Oh God, she's right, I can tell, I can smell her, and not just a little. God......

"It's all right, sugar, please, make me feel good. Please." Takin' her hand away, lettin' mine rest where it is. She's waitin'. Waitin' to see what I'll do. I don't know, I don't know......

"Marie, promise-promise you're not doin' this just for me. Promise."

"I promise. Sugar, I need this too. Please." Oh, God, movin' her hips to rub up against my hand like that it's-it's more than I can take and I-I gotta touch her. "Oh.....yes."

That's it, that's it. It's all over. Can't stop now. Maybe not even if she asks. 'Cause it's so warm inside her and she smells so good, just like I remember, that hasn't changed at all. God, just hafta, hafta make sure it's good. Hafta make sure it's right for her.

"Yes.....Oh, God, Logan" I remember what she likes. Soft, slow, easy at first. Slidin' in and out of her, then focused, then faster. "Yes.....oh, oh" Faster now-she's archin' up and her hips are startin' to move. Faster now. "Logan....."

Shit, lookin' right at me, diggin' into my arm a little. Not gonna last much longer. Wanted it to be longer. "N-no, don't-don't slow down, please."

"Shh.....let me make it good for you, darlin'. Trust me."

"O-OK.....oh....." Gonna hold her here for a while, let it wash over her a little, show her how good it can be. Hips really movin' now, she wants it. Just a little more, just a little longer. Wanna watch her a little more. "Logan.....so good, I-I need....."

"OK. OK, baby." Faster then, faster now, and harder. But not rough, not rough, hafta stay gentle.

"Oh!" Yes, startin' to go over now, come on baby. I can do this. I'm good at this. I can give you this. "L-logan! I-I..unh!" I can make it good for her, I can. At least I can give her this. I do this right.

"Come on, baby. I'm right here. I'm right here for you. Come on." Love watchin' her like this, losin' control. She's so, so amazing.

"Oh! OH!" Yes, that's it, there, there. "Logan!" Oh yeah, say my name, say it. Mine. You're mine. At least for now. At least for this. Mine. "Logan! God!" Yes, got it, got it. There it is. "Oh...." Coming down a little now. At least three different shades of red, hair all messed up. God, just so fuckin' beautiful. How'd I ever get anything this beautiful? "Oh, Logan, I can't......"

"It's OK. I'm here. I gotcha." Still the same-the way she can't move at all for a little while after, the way she flops over into me. "I love you, baby. I love you so much."

"Oh, Logan.....that was so good, so good sugar...." I know she can't say it back. I know. I do. But I miss it. That was always the best part, those were always the best words. "Thank you, thank you so much." Lookin' up at me with those big eyes, and I-"Sugar, what's wrong?"

Oh-oh. Shit, somethin' bad showin' on my face. Can't I even fuckin' do this part right any more? Shit. "Nothin', baby, nothin'. You just rest."

"Logan, sugar, it's OK. Everything's OK."

"I know. I know, baby." Gonna hold her tight to me. She won't catch any more bad stuff on my face. Fuck, I bet I look like I'm about to cry or some shit. My eyes even feel hot.

"Hold me." But she's the one holdin' on to me pretty tight. Shit, fucked up. Fucked up there. Dammit. "Hold me."

"I gotcha, baby." I can make it better. I can do it better. Next time it'll be better. I'll stop fuckin' up.

Day Eight

"Talk to me, please."

"I'm fine darlin'."

"You woke up crying. That's not fine."

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"Too late. I'm worried."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did that."

"All right. That's it. Talk to me. You're hurting, I can tell. Don't you want me to help make it better? Don't you want-don't you want to share that with me?"

"No, no. You got enough. I'm fine."

"I can't stand this, Logan. I can't stand to watch you hurting any more than you could stand to watch me hurting. Please, talk to me."

"I-I can't right now. You're still-you still need me. You still need me to be strong, and I-"

"Sugar, I need you to talk to me, I need you to let it out. Please, honey, please. I'm-nothing's going to scare me or make me feel bad. You can let it out."

"I'm fine, really."

"Tell me-tell me what you were thinking when it happened. Talk to me, Logan."

"When what happened? Sabretooth? I can't - "

"No. Not that. When you realized I lost my memories. Tell me."

"I was mad. I was mad at Magneto. I was mad at myself."

"You were mad at me."

"No, never baby, no."

"Yes. You were. I would have been. Because it was my idea, wasn't it? It was my plan and it didn't work right. It took me away from you."

"It saved us, darlin'."

"Yeah, it did, but it hurt you too."

"You didn't know. It-it wasn't your fault."

"No one ever said being mad had to make a lot of sense. You were mad at me too. It's OK."

"I just wish it hadn't-I wish it didn't turn out that way. I guess I'm mad about that. I don't blame you. I don't."

"You were mad at me for not just leaving you there in the first place. Mad that I put myself in danger. Am I right?"

"No."

"Logan....you told me yourself-you don't like it when I do that-put myself in danger to help you. You wanted me to just leave you there, but I didn't listen, and this happened. You lost me."

"I didn't lose you. You're still here."

"But you lost the me that you used to have, the me that you loved."

"I told ya, one you, darlin'."

"You were mad, admit it."

"Maybe. Maybe I was a little mad 'cause you insisted on stayin' and tryin' to save us both. You never did listen to me very good. You-"

"What? Say it."

"I guess you pissed me off sometimes. You did. 'Cause you always kept thinkin' I was worth somethin' to you, worth more than you, and that ain't true. You wouldn't listen to me. Why didn't you listen to me?"

"I was afraid of losing you. I don't remember, but that's what I'd have to guess. I wouldn't just leave you there. No way."

"Why, dammit? I'm not-I'm supposed to be takin' care of you. I couldn't stand losin' you, and you don't care. You risk it. You don't care what it does to me."

"I care. But I'm willing to risk it-risk all those consequences to both of us-because I want us to stay together. I know that's why. I feel it."

"You're better off without me."

"Uh-uh. Not so. We're both better off together."

"Goddammit, you gotta stop thinkin' that way. You gotta-you gotta protect yourself first."

"But you said we always put each other first. That means I put you first, us first."

"Forget what I fuckin' said, OK? That was before Sabretooth got a hold of ya and-"

"Say it, finish it."

"No."

"It was before he got a hold of me and what? Finish it."

"No."

"Before he got a hold of me and cut me up? Before he got a hold of me and masturbated all over me while he cut me up? Before he-"

"Stop it!"

"Get it out in the open, Logan. Before he what?"

"No."

"Before he what? Tell me, please."

"Before he made me watch. Before he made me watch, are you happy?"

"Tell me-tell me about it."

"He made me fuckin' watch, OK? I shoulda never-I never wanted to see that. Is that what you wanna know so bad? That I didn't wanna see you that way, ever? That it fuckin' ripped me up to watch and not do nothin'? That it just about fuckin' killed me? Knowin' it coulda been prevented. Knowin' I coulda prevented it and I failed. I was helpless. I fucked up and you paid the price, like always. You hadta take his shit and think of a way to get yourself out because I fucked up."

"Logan, you can't say you could have prevented it. If anything, I could have. With Mystique. If I'd just let you kill her, it wouldn't have happened."

"But that's goin' back on who you are. Goin' back on your nature. You were tryin' to avoid a fight, 'cause it wasn't good to draw attention, probably 'cause you were afraid. You were tryin' to keep us safe, tryin' to deal with the situation. And you didn't really know. It was just like-just like Arizona. You were tryin' to do what you hadta to keep us together and alive. Plus you didn't really know. Besides, if you hadnta hooked up with me in the first place, if I hadnta gotten you outta Xavier's - "