Title: Introduction to the Wolverine
"And I toldya, she is *not* joinin' the goddamn team!"
"Logan – "
"No, dammit!" You know, it's not that I didn't realize that a guy named Wolverine would be at least a little 'do as I say, woman' but I'd really appreciate it if he didn't let loose like this in front of the Professor. And Scott. And Jean. "I don't care if you got my powers for good that last time, I'm not gonna have you on the team!"
"Logan – " If I could just get a word in edgewise here, maybe I could explain that I'm willing to go through training, with both him and Scott, that he can be my partner and look out for me, that I would be really, really careful and –
"No. N. O. Don't you understand that? What? You just think dumbass Logan'll rescue you whenever you get in trouble, is that it? You just think I won't mind riskin' my life – hell, I haven't so far, right? You just think I'll jump in and save your ass, that this is all some kinda fun little game, huh?"
Whoa. *Whoa.* That was way out of line. Way. I don't even have the words for how way out of line that was. Wait – yes I do. "You're being an asshole, you know that?"
Better get out of here before I start bawling. Jerk.
"Marie? Marie, you in there? It's me."
"Look, I know that was a shitty thing to say and I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean it."
"Yeah, well, you said it, didn't you? And that's pretty much all I have to go on to try and figure out what you mean."
"I thought you….I thought you, ah……."
"Nothin'. I just - I thought you knew me."
"I thought you knew me too."
"I was just tryin' to protect you."
"No one asked you to. No one asked you to risk your life for me. I only ever asked you for one thing – to help me when I hitched a ride with you – and you did. That's all."
"I know. I know you didn't ask."
"Go away, Logan."
"Look, Marie, I'm sorry, OK? Let's – let me in and we can talk, huh?"
"Marie – "
"Please, just go away Logan, please?"
First day of training for the team completed. I'm sore, achy, and my brain is overloaded with info, but I think I'm hanging in there so far. At least Scott seems to think so. He was really supportive and encouraging. It means a lot to me that he wants me on the team, that he thinks I can do it. Unlike, say, other people who didn't bother to show up at all for today's training session.
"Have you talked with Logan lately?"
"You mean since my ever-so-mature dash out of the Professor's office?"
"Yeah." You know, I've never noticed before, but he has a really sexy smile. The visor, not seeing his eyes – that only enhances the effect. I can see why Jean fell for this guy.
"He came to my door, but we didn't really talk. I haven't seen him since."
"He acted like a jerk yesterday."
"But I'm fairly sure it was because he wants to protect you." Aw. That's very nice of Scott to say – and I think it's the first nice thing I've ever heard him say about Logan. Ever. "He's been moping around all morning. If you'd been up for breakfast, you'd have seen for yourself. You know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Good for young, X-Men in-training." Leave it to Scott to get in a mini-lecture.
"Yeah, yeah." I get the point, fearless leader. Both of them. "I'll go talk to Logan."
"Hey. Can I come in?" I know he's in there – can smell him through the door well enough.
"Yeah." Sounds a little surprised, a little bummed out. Maybe a little apprehensive. Geez, what did he think? That I'd be mad at him forever? OK, he acted like a real ass and what he said hurt like hell, but he's Logan – there's no way I'd stay mad forever.
"Hey there." Oh my – look at him. Sad eyes, empty beer cans everywhere – I think he's been in here all day. "Do you have a second to talk?"
"Mph." I'll take that as a 'yes.'
"I'm sorry I was being pissy last night, but what you said really hurt. I don't take all the things you've done for me for granted, not at all, and it's really – really very upsetting to know that you think I do."
"I don't think that."
"Well, it's what you said. Besides, I just – I can tell that you do think that, at least a little. You definitely were mad about something."
"Look, Marie – I just don't wantcha on the team. It's dangerous."
"I know it is. But – but I feel like I owe the Professor, like I have to give something back. You don't have to worry about me or take responsibility for me. If something happens, well – "
"If somethin' happened to you I just couldn't live with that. I just couldn't. OK?"
He's really serious. This whole thing – to him, this is losing me, somehow. He feels like he's already destined to lose me if I join the team. "No, it's not OK. Logan, you'd be – you'd be fine if something happened to me. I know you'd be sad, very sad, but it wouldn't be the end of the world."
"And besides, I'll learn to fight well. I'll be careful. You could – you could help teach me yourself."
"I don't wanna teach you."
"Well, if you think Scott can do a better job………" Damn. That didn't even get a rise out of him. He really is seriously upset.
"I just don't wanna, OK?"
"OK." I don't know what else to say. That's pretty much all I had and things are still all screwed up between us. Think, Marie, think of something else to say.
"I don't think you take what I did for granted. I don't think that and I dunno where you get the idea that I do. You know, besides the things I said." God, he's so drop-dead earnest I can't even find it in my heart to give him shit about that. "Look – you want the honest truth here?"
"Uh-huh." But, all of a sudden, I'm scared. I'm scared to hear it and I'm scared of the way he's looking at me now, all intensity, all fire.
"I was hopin' things between us were gonna work out different than what they are. There. That's how much of an asshole I am. All along, this whole time, I was hopin' for – I dunno what I was thinkin', actually, 'cause we never could be, never could…well, you know what I mean."
"Ah – no. Actually, I, ah – no."
"You've seen inside me. You know what I'm like."
"And then you know why there can't ever be anythin' for us. He'd get to you."
Totally lost. Couldn't be more in the dark. "Logan, I don't understand."
"Him, the beast, Marie. He made me – well, maybe I should just leave it there. You don't – I don't think I hafta say it."
"I kind of wish you would, because I'm a little – "
"He made me hang on to you so hard, OK? He made me do all those things – pickin' ya up, savin' your life. He thinks that you owe him – well, not exactly that you owe him. It's like he proved himself – he did those things and now he thinks that gives him some kinda claim on you, some kinda right to you. He thinks you're his mate, and he thinks those things – well, he thinks he proved himself with them, that he earned the rights to you with 'em. And you wanna hear the really fucked-up part? I'm startin' to get swayed around to his way of thinkin'. Sometimes I feel him. I feel him so strong and I think – yeah, that makes sense. And even worse, I know it's not all him. Hell, Marie, it's me too, I want ya too."
"And I oughta know fuckin' better. You're still a kid, Marie, and you oughta get to pick who you want for your mate. You don't need no half-animal, fucked-up – "
"Hey! You're not fucked up."
"My point is, darlin' - if he gets out………I was hopin' I could keep him back, keep him under and away from ya. But he's just gettin' stronger, and more riled up. If you join the team, he'll – there's no way I can keep him in. I don't even think I can keep him in for some simulated danger room shit. Not if you're in it. Not if it looks like you're in trouble. He wants out, kid. And I'm – well, I'm not strong enough to keep him back. Not if you join the team. Shit, I can barely keep control now."
That's what this is really all about? Oh my God, that's what this whole thing is really all about! "Logan, I'm not afraid of him. I can feel him, in the part of you I keep with me, but I'm not afraid of him."
"You should be." Dark looks, scowl – and now he's getting up off the bed, pacing. "You should fuckin' run right now."
"No. Well, not unless running toward you would be what you had in mind."
"This ain't funny."
"I'm not joking."
"I'm not afraid of him. I'm not afraid of you. And frankly, my heart is still wrapped up in the 'you both want me' part of what you said. I want you too, don't you know that?"
"Sure you want me, darlin'. Right now, I probably look pretty good to ya. Saved your life. Protected ya. Bein' able to count on havin' that must look pretty good after everythin' you've been through, I know, but – "
"Yeah, it looks good. It looks very good, and I'm very grateful for everything you – both of you – have done for me. But that's not what I think about when I think about you. It's not what I think about when I daydream about us." Heh. That got his attention. "I think about you taking me out for breakfast on Sundays. I think about the way you laugh when I tickle you. I think about how handsome you look all covered in grease after fixing up my jeep. I think about how much I love being with you and how I wish I could be all the time, every second of the day. You look good to me because, well, because I love you, you know? You, not the things you do for me. You, all of you. Get it?"
"You don't mean that." Oh, sugar, there was hope all over the way you said that. You can't fool me.
"I sure do. And I bet you can tell I do." I hope you can tell how happy it makes me to have things between us be this way. You weren't the only one who thought that maybe it wouldn't ever be this way. I'm just about happy enough to burst, and I bet somewhere in there, you know, the parts not worried over silly things, that you are too. "I mean it."
"A grunt, that's all I get?" Aha – I'm on to you now. I caught that little smirk. Just a little one, but it was there. A smirklet.
"Two grunts?" I'll see you that smirklet and raise you an arched eyebrow. "You can do better than that."
"I don't think this is gonna work, kid." Your smiling eyes and your happy scent say otherwise.
"You're wrong. This is going to work fine, just fine. It's going to work spectacularly." I bet I'd be much more convincing if I just sidled up to him a bit and snuggled myself under one of those big manly arms. Hmmm…….Logan muscles.
"How can you be sure?" A little more serious there. Well, no worries. I have an answer for that.
"Because I'm always right. Because it's true love. Because – well, because both of us are long overdue for some good luck. And because we're both going to make it work. We're both going to make sure of it." He's just standing there looking at me with all that intensity back in his eyes. Come on, sugar, come on. "Right?"
"Right." Whew. There. There. I've got you, sugar, and everything's going to be all right now.
"Stay close to me."
"I mean it."
"Stay right beside me."
"Logan, she'll be fine, it's just a simulation. She's not in any real danger."
"Well, I think that went……OK." And by OK, I mean at least he didn't shred Scott. The Professor can get the damage to the walls and floor fixed, I think. And, I think I did OK. Scott seemed pleased, and the Professor - well, he didn't seem overly pissed, even with all the damage, and that's got to be a good sign, right? I was a little nervous with him observing – it's unusual that he would, but I kind of think he was more worried about Logan than me. It's almost like he wanted to be there in case Logan freaked out or something.
"Grrr……" Speaking of freaking out – no, actually, he's not doing too badly. Just a little simmering, some growls. Tension.
"Are you sure you're all right, Scott?" Jean – now she's a little pissed. I don't blame her. Logan did kick Scott's butt pretty good, and I bet he'll have a black eye. But he shouldn't have pretended to turn sides in the middle of the fight and attack me like that. I know he did it just to get a rise out of Logan, so it kind of serves him right.
"Fine, honey, fine." Fine my foot – he's moving pretty darn slow. But he's as stubborn as Logan sometimes. "You did well, Rogue. Don't you think so?" More baiting of Logan, but now isn't the time. He's still coming down from the fight and –
See? Baiting. Not nice. "Thanks, Scott. You should probably let Jean take a look at you." Hint, hint……
"Ah, I'm fine." I know you want to congratulate me, I do, and normally a slap on the shoulder wouldn't be cause for alarm, but Logan's a little techy about the touching of me at the moment.
"GRRRRR…" Whoa – he shoved Scott's hand off of me and shoved me behind him. I don't think I've ever seen him this snarly. Just what the – oh. Oh. Oh-oh. "GRRRRRRRAHHHH!" A full-on roar. Yep, that's not Logan in there any more. Oh, crap!
"Hey, what do you think you're – "
"Scott, shut it." Yeah, I know, my forcefulness surprises me too on occasion, but you don't realize just what a serious situation this is. "Just back off a bit, OK?"
Maybe if I rub Logan's – no, Wolverine's - arms a little , touch him a little, it will calm him down. Yes, that's a good idea. I'll just rub his back and his shoulder for starters. And hopefully, Scott will listen to me and back up some. Jean should be telling him, should be projecting to him what she's feeling from Logan, and the Professor too. Then again, I don't know how much they really understand that it pretty much is a different person in there, that Wolverine is in control, not Logan.
"Rrrr….." Good. Calmer noises. I'll just look into his eyes and that'll calm him down even more. "RRRR….." Or not. Um –
"No, no, it's OK! Stay back, Scott!" I know it doesn't look good that he decided to toss me to the ground and jump on top. And – and start tearing at my jacket! No, that doesn't look good and won't lead to a calmer Scott. Nope, not at all. You know, it's not that I would mind being naked around Logan ordinarily, especially since the he's the only person who can touch naked me since our last little power-transferring, life-saving thing, but I don't want to have an audience, and Scott's going to go ballistic any second now. Have to think of something. "Hey, sugar." Soothing tone, soft words, no more eye contact. Eyes down. Yes, that's it. I am deferential. You are the alpha male. I just thank God this alpha male is having a hard time working the zipper. Buys me some time. "Do you want to, ah, stop that a second, OK?"
"GRRR……" Translation from the Wolverine – no, I do not wish to stop at the moment, but thank you for suggesting it. I shall proceed with the destruction of your jacket.
"Jean, let me go, I've got to blast him before he – before he – "
"No, Scott! I'm fine, I'm OK. He won't hurt me." Crap, that got Wolverine even more riled up. Quick glances over his shoulder at them and snarling – that can't be good.
"Rogue, he's – "
"I mean it, Jean, just back off. Everyone, just back off."
"Scott, Jean, please leave the room. I shall remain in the observation area." Ah, the Professor. He's got a reputation as the smartest guy around for a reason.
"But – "
"Now, Scott. I shall not let him harm her." Whew, they're going. Slowly, but they're going. Now to – um, oh-oh. He's just going to claw that uncooperative zipper, isn't he?
"Hey, um, hi there." Sound stupid, I know, but I had to try something to get his attention. Holding his hands won't make him too happy and I don't want to get accidentally clawed or anything. "I thought you might come out. Logan said you might. Hi there, sugar."
"Grrr…." Not fighting me on holding his hands anymore – good, I think some of that is getting through.
"You and I don't get to talk much, I know. Not directly. But while I have you here, I wanted to say thank you. You know, for all the life saving and stuff. I appreciate it, a lot." That sounds even sillier – but I do want him to know, as much as I want Logan to.
"Rrr…." I'm beginning to get that he's not going to talk back – well, not in words. Maybe he doesn't really understand the words I'm saying. Huh. Maybe I should try a different kind of communication here. Something friendly, something non-threatening. Something soothing to him. Something to make him understand everything's OK. Wait – I got it. "Rrrrrrrr…….." Definitely the right move. Rubbing noses--just like Eskimos. Some contact to reassure him, but nothing sexual, nothing to rile that part of him up. Good idea, Rogue, if I do say so myself.
"Mmmm……..nice." He probably doesn't understand the words, but maybe he'll understand the tone, and my scent. "Very nice, sugar, very nice."
"Rrrrr…….." That purr was almost sleepy – I think he's calming. Yes, definitely calming – he just dropped his head to my shoulder, dropped just like a stone. Whew. "Mmmm….Marie?"
"Right here." I think he's back. Logan, I mean. "Professor, I think I've got it covered."
"Very well, Rogue." Have I mentioned lately that I love the bald guy? 'Cause I really do. "Or should I say "Marie?'" That's going to get him a parting smirklet. Hey, what can I do, I learned from the finest.
"Wha – what happened?"
"You were right. He came out."
"Shit! Shit! Did I – oh, God, what the hell did I do to you?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Your jacket – "
"Hey, it's OK." Maybe touch will work on Logan too. "It's OK. I'm fine."
"Did he hurt you?"
"No, no, he was just fine with me, sugar." OK, hugging back, that's progress. Hugging back so hard – God, he really was scared there for a minute.
"I tried to hold him back, I tried….."
"It's OK. It's OK."
"Sorry, Marie, sorry."
"Shhh. It's OK. Everything's OK."
"Did he hurt you?"
"No, sugar, no." Look at him – he's – he's almost shaking, he's so scared. No wonder he didn't want me to do this, no wonder he fought me so hard on it. He was terrified that the Wolverine would hurt me. But – "He won't hurt me, not ever. I'm safe with him, just like I'm safe with you. I'm OK."
"Shit." Hanging on to me for dear life. God, he really was scared.
"Just where do you think you're going?"
"Away from you. Far as I can get, fast as I can get."
"You know why I'm doin' it. You know it ain't you."
"I don't want you to go."
"You won't ever be safe from him, dammit, don't you understand that?"
"He's a part of you, and I'm always safe with you."
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is."
"Marie, just – "
"Just what? Let you leave? No. No way. I don't want you to go, and I don't want him to go. I want you both to stay."
"Look, I talked to Chuck and he told me I'm all fucked up in the head. Extensive therapy – that's what he said I needed. I might never be right. I'm fucked up, Marie, and you don't need that."
"Why don't you let me decide what I need?"
"Because you trust him too much. You let him too close. You should be afraid, Marie."
"I do trust him, like I trust you. I want him close, because that's where I want you. Logan, don't you think I know what it's like to have to live with other people in your own body?"
"Put your bag down, and come here, OK?"
"Come here, please."
"Marie, I can't do this."
"Yes, you can. Please, Logan, please, come here."
"Fine, I'll come over there. Listen to me, OK? I don't want you to go. That would hurt me like – well, like you can't even imagine. I want you to stay. I want him to stay."
"You don't know what you're askin'."
"I know it will be hard on you. But what I'm really asking is for you to trust me. Trust me, Logan, and stay."
"If I stay, Marie, I swear you have to – you have to tell me. If he hurts you, you have to tell me. No bullshittin', got it? And the second he hurts you, I gotta leave. I hafta. Do you understand?"
"I do. But Logan, you're not going to be going anywhere. He won't hurt me, I know that."
"You be careful with him. If he comes out again, you just get away."
"I'll be careful. But I'm not going to run from him."
"You're right. That'd probably make it worse. He'd try to catch ya and then – "
"Hey, shhh. Shhh. It's OK. He's not going to hurt me. I won't let that happen. Trust me, OK? Trust me."
Ah, it's a beautiful day for a picnic. Not your sun-shining, birds-singing kind of day, but the exact kind of day Logan likes being outdoors best – a little cool, mostly overcast, nice and breezy. Yep, this will cheer him up.
"How 'bout right over there, darlin'?"
"Looks good." Not as good as you, sugar. I really hope there's some serious kissing in store for me today. Even though Logan has been afraid that the Wolverine will come out as soon as we do anything even remotely sexual, he hasn't. Logan's been in control, all throughout the kissing, and even during training sessions. I know he's struggling sometimes to keep the Wolverine back, but I think he's really doing OK with it. And if he does come out – well, that's OK too. I've been telling Logan that, over and over, and I hope he believes me.
"Smells good out here. Smells…………..fresh. Clean. Wild."
"Mmm-hmmm." He looks so darn content right now that I don't think I can wait for him to make with the kissing. I think I'll have to go first. "C'mere, sugar."
Oh yes, that's nice. He's such a good kisser. Makes me wonder how he'd be at doing other things. Not that my mind is in the gutter, oh no……"Rrrr……"
"Mmm…..I liked it too, sug- " Oh-oh. Not entirely Logan in there, if I'm not mistaken. I can always tell by his eyes. I wonder if it's because we're outside or if the kissing –
"Grrrr……." Hello! Grabbing me by the waist and pulling me to him. "Grrr….."
"That's very nice, sugar." He flipped, just – all of a sudden, just like that, without me being in trouble or us even really doing anything. Weird. "Would you like to kiss me again?" It feels kind of weird saying that, almost like I'm cheating on Logan. But the Professor says that Wolverine *is* Logan, is a part of him, OK, more animal than the rest, but still him. It's his way of coping with severe sensory or stress overload, the Professor thinks, and I'd agree, but I can't imagine what caused the overload this time.
"Grrrr!" I think that's a yes on the kissing question. But – um, wait – he's not kissing me, he's pushing me back and – oh, my – he's taking off. Um, I mean, he's taking his clothes off. He's stripping, yanking the clothes off almost like he – he doesn't understand why he has them on. "Grrrr!"
"Let me – let me help you." I don't want Logan to end up with a pile of shreds when Wolverine gets frustrated with the zipper and buttons. "There. See? Shirt, off. T-shirt, off. Pants – um, pants……" You can do it, Marie, be brave. You know what one looks like. You have three men in your head after all. "Pants, off." Remind me to buy Logan some underwear. And, when we do decide to, you know, do it, extra large condoms. Extra, super-large. Extra, super, giant size –
"Grrrr….." Oh yes, he definitely prefers naked to, ah, non-naked. You know, maybe I shouldn't be watching this. Judging by the way he's rubbing himself all over and – yep, settling those hands on a certain, ahem, private area, I think he's *really* going to enjoy himself now. I'll just –
"GRRR!" I really have to find a way to communicate that his thing of tossing me to the ground isn't really a good idea. I think I bumped my tailbone there. "Grrrr….."
"Oh-oh." He's joining me on the ground. This could be, ah, interesting. But he's not – he's just grabbing me and pulling me flush against his side. His naked side. And sniffing me, a lot. A whole lot. Ooops – there goes his hand again, right to his – oh, my, I didn't know it could get *bigger*. Not that much bigger. I mean, for goodness sakes, there's no way that's ever going to fit in – in any of my, ah, spaces. There's just no way.
"Rrrr………" Aw, that's – that's actually kind of sweet. He nudged my head over to be sure I was watching him, ah, do his thing. He's just going to lay beside me, smell me, and, um, enjoy himself. It's almost like he's showing off for me, in a way. It reminds me of what Logan said about him proving himself – maybe this is his way of showing me he's got, ah, certain talents, certain physical – "RRRR!" Ahem. *Very* excited now. That hand is moving really fast. "GRRR!"
"Come on, sugar." OK, that just slipped out. Since when did I turn into some kind of sex kitten?
"GRRRRAAAAHHHH!" Oh. My. God. I can't believe I watched him do that. I just can't believe it. And even worse, I kind of *liked* it. Bad Marie. Bad, bad Marie. Bad, bad, and naughty Marie. "Rrrrrr………" But look at how he looks at me, with those sweet, soft eyes. So trusting, so much passion in there, and it's all for me. That's just – that's amazing. "Rrr…" Aw, and now he's nose rubbing. He rubbed my nose, like I did his, just a little bit. That's going to break my heart, right there. And burying his head in my shoulder – oh, sugar, it's OK, it's OK. You're all right. You're safe with me, Wolverine. I love you too. "Mmmm…"
"Shhh. Let me hold you." I think Logan's coming back. Yep – he just went tense as hell. "It's OK, it's OK."
"Right here. Everything's OK."
"Shit! Are we – are we – oh, shit!" This won't be easy – he sprang up off of me like I was on fire.
"It's OK, it's OK, don't freak out."
"No, it's not fuckin' OK – what did he – oh, God, what did he do, Marie? I'm – I'm – where are my clothes?"
"Over there. It's OK. He – "
"Jesus! Marie – did I – did I – "
"No. No, you didn't hurt me, of course you didn't. I'm OK. I'm OK."
"But we were – "
"On the ground together, I know."
"Christ, I'm gonna be sick. What did I do to you?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Logan, wait – Logan, look at me." He really is going to be sick – he's clutching at his stomach and heading off for the bushes. "All my clothes are still on. Look, I've got clothes. I'm OK. Everything is OK."
"You – how?"
"He didn't hurt me, not one bit. Not at all, sugar. I think he just, ah, got out here in the great outdoors and, you know, decided that he didn't like the whole clothes thing too much. I'm OK. I'm just fine."
"Are you sure?" Both hands gripping my shoulders like a vise there.
"I'm sure. I'm fine, sugar. He won't hurt me, of course he won't. He's a part of you, you know."
"Yeah, the worst fuckin' part of me. Dammit."
"Hey, no, don't say that. He was very sweet, very – " Well, no, he wasn't exactly gentle or tender or 'nice.' " – good. He was very good with me. He's OK. He won't hurt me."
"Marie – " Umph. Gripping tighter. "You tell me what he did with you, you tell me right now."
"Logan – "
"You promised me you would. Tell. Me."
"You're hurting me – let – let go a little, sugar." Whew. Didn't mean to make him feel bad, but I'm already going to have some seriously purple shoulders and he wasn't easing up at all. "It's OK. He just – he took his clothes off. He got a little frustrated with the buttons and zipper, so I helped him, you know, so that he wouldn't shred your clothes. Then he kind of plopped me down on the ground and started, um, doing things to himself."
"Did he claw himself? What – "
"Not those kind of things. He, ah, what I'm trying to say here is that he, ah, he – "
"Marie, for Christsakes, just spit it out. Tell me, I gotta know, no matter how bad it is."
OK, I have to get the words out because now he's seriously worried. OK, blush cells, or whatever it is that's about to make me red all over, saddle up and get ready to move out. "He was, ah, masturbating."
Look at him looking down at himself with his mouth hanging wide open– if this situation weren't so serious, I'd giggle. He looks so darn surprised that there's so much, ah, stuff all over his thighs. "Damn."
"He laid down beside me while he, ah, finished, and he put an arm around me to, ah, hold me close and sniff me while he did. It's OK. I'm fine." And so are you, sugar. Really. I know you don't like him coming out, but, baby, it's OK. He is a part of you and he won't hurt me. Believe that.
"Did I, uh, do anything else?"
"Yes." And I'm going to hug you when I tell you, so maybe you'll really *get* it that he's not all bad and that I'm OK when he comes out. "He rubbed my nose and nuzzled my neck and purred at me very nicely. He laid his head down on my shoulder and then you came back."
"I liked rubbing noses with him. I like it when he holds me close, just like I like it when you do that."
"It was OK – you didn't – you weren't freaked out by – "
"No, not a bit." Although I think I'd better let you go before I start seriously thinking about you naked and so close to me. I'm not sorry he showed me that, but I'm not really quite ready to – to do all the naked things yet. Not quite yet, but soon, I think. "You OK?"
"Marie – I'm sorry. I'm sorry he came out, even if it was OK this time. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. It's all right if he has to come out, you just let him. We're OK together, I promise." The Professor said Logan should let him out – that he should explore that part of his psyche. Logan told him, and I quote, 'no fuckin' way, Chuck.' I kind of agree with the Professor. The more Logan can let him out, the more he'll see he's not really a separate person, not something bad at all. He's just the part of Logan that hid really deep, the part that got him through all the awful things that were done to him. I'm proud of that part – I'm so glad he survived. I wish Logan could at least make a peace with him, with the Wolverine. So, while I don't want to encourage him or entice him to come out because I know how much it troubles Logan, I don't want Logan to feel bad when he does come out because maybe – maybe that's the best that can be done right now to try to fix it for him. For both of them. "C'mon, let's get back to our picnic, what do you say?"
"That was – that was amazin'."
"Amazin', Marie, just amazin'."
"And he didn't come out. He – he didn't get out."
"I could feel him movin' inside me, watchin', almost. But he didn't get out."
"That all you gonna say, beautiful?"
"Hey – Marie? I wantcha to know that I – I really – I – I love you. Very much."
"I love you too. Even more."
"I don't think that's possible, but I won't fight ya on it. Unless, 'course, you wanna wrestle me on it."
Woof. And yes, I mean woof – as in – woof, that was one heck of a mission. You know, I didn't think I could actually ache *all* over, but I sure do. Every muscle, every tendon, every fiber of my being – ouchy. As soon as Logan gets back upstairs I'm going to ask him for a massage. God, that man has wonderful hands. Big, and warm, and –
"Hello, sugar." Yes, I know you're all grouchy because of the mistakes on the mission. But Scott didn't mean to lose track of me, he just got distracted. It happens. And I'm OK. I dodged Sabretooth and kicked his butt until you showed up. I'm sure you ripped Scott a new one, and he won't ever do it again. "How're you do- oh." Not Logan, Wolverine. Hmmm. Haven't seen him for a while. But I should've guessed now might be a time he'd come out.
He looks as feral as I've ever seen him, and – oh! Yep, he plopped me right on the bed. Definitely Wolverine.
"Grrrr…….." Clothes coming off, and he's not going to even try to struggle with the zippers this time. Claws will make much quicker work of the leather. "GRRRR!"
Oh, my – I think he means to – means to – oh, my, he does mean to take my clothes off. With the claws. Sugar, I don't know if this is a good idea.
"GRRRRR!!!" He's *really* getting wound up over seeing me all naked. Well, it's the first time he has, really. I wonder if I should try to talk to him. I wish he understood words, darn it, but I guess I'll just have to figure something out.
"Um, rrrrr……." Yes, I purred. Yes, it sounded silly and nowhere near as good as Logan makes it sound. But I think it got through to him. Now a little deference, eyes down and my head turned away.
"GRRR!" Oooh! He bit me! He bit my neck! Not hard enough to break the skin, but I'm sure as heck not going to be able to move at all. "Grrrr……" Not until he wants me to, which, apparently is right now. He's flipping me over on to my stomach and – oh my God, he's spreading my legs apart.
"Sugar, wait – wait – "
No, not words, Marie, he doesn't understand the words. What's the growling or grunting equivalent of what I want to – I know! A whimper. I'll whimper.
"Grrr….." That caught him. That got his attention – he's –he's laying down on top of me, covering me. Oh, God, he thinks he's protecting me. "Hhhhnnnnn……" A whine – a sympathetic whine, and he's rubbing my arms, trying to comfort me. Oh, sugar…….and now he's rolling me back over, taking my face in his hands. And rubbing my nose.
"Oh, Logan……." I know it's you, part of you, sugar, I know it. Look at the way you're looking at me. So concerned, so worried over me. All because I let out a little whimper. I knew I'd never be in danger with you, sugar, never.
"Rrrr….." Purring and some more nose rubbing and he's letting me go, letting me up. He's just sitting there, beside me, looking down at me with so much vulnerability in his eyes, almost as though he's asking me to - oh, God, I think I get it. I think I get it. It's not – he doesn't just come out when he feels like he needs to protect me. It's not just that. He wants to be loved, he does. He's had to take so much of the bad things, and now he wants some of the good things. He comes out because he's seen me give them to Logan and he thinks – he thinks maybe I can give them to him too. Maybe I'll be nice to him too. Maybe I won't hurt him. That's why he came out at the picnic – I was all happy and in a good mood, and he was outside, and happy, and - oh, sugar, oh, Wolverine.
"Come here. Come here, it's OK." I won't whimper or be afraid. You won't hurt me. I think – I know--Logan will be upset, but you need this, and so does he. This part of him needs to be loved too, and this is the way to show him that love, the way he will understand. "Come on, sugar, touch me."
Strong hands turning me back on my stomach again. He's lying on top of me again, protecting me, showing me that he won't hurt me the only way he knows how. It's OK, sugar, I understand now. Let me show you I do.
"Grrrr…." That little buck of my hips got his attention, just like the whimper did. He might be animal, but he's not oblivious. Again. "Grrrrr……." Yes, sugar, yes. Go on, nudge my legs apart, it's OK, it's OK.
"Umph." He's not slow and gentle like Logan – he went inside me all at once, but it's OK. He doesn't mean to hurt me, he just doesn't know.
More of that little sympathetic whine – he can probably scent it on me that it hurt a little, but moving against him should take his mind off of that. Yes, there you go, sugar, move with me. I want to make this good for you. I want you to get what you need. "Rrrr……."
Such a deep purring, one like I've never heard from him before. He's starting to go faster – won't be long now. I know – I know he needs this part, but he needs more than that too. Come on, sugar.
"GRRRR!" Yes, baby, yes, keep going. "GRRRRAAHHHHH!" There – there we go. There, baby. "Rrrrr……" That little purr again, and he's not going to be moving, oh no. He's going to stay right on top of me. I think he'll let me squirm around a little. I want to see his face. There are some – some important things that I need to do for him now.
"Love you." I know he won't understand the words but he'll understand the scent that comes over me when I say them. And he'll understand the way I'm licking at his cheek now, the way I'm smoothing his hair back with my fingers, the way my legs are caressing his. He knows those things mean love too.
"Mmmmm………" That's it, sugar, just take it all in. Take all the good things in. You deserve them, sugar, so much. "Rrrr……" Sleep now, baby, you just let me hold you.
"You up, sugar?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Mmm-hmm. How are you doing this morning, sugar?"
"Fine." *sniff* "Fine." *sniffsniff* "Uh, are you OK?"
"I'm very OK. I loved being with you last night."
"You were very good to me."
"Um, yeah. I, ah, I liked it too. Good. Very good. It was good."
"Sugar, you look a little pale."
"I'm fine. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. Nothing."
"It's OK, you know. I meant what I said. I did love being with you last night. You know, the Wolverine part of you."
"Shhh. It's OK. It's all you, sugar. I love you. And you were very good to me last night."
"How – how did you know? How could you tell it wasn't me?"
"He doesn't talk, not in words."
"No. He kind of, you know, growls a little. Nice growls."
"Hey, hey – it's all right, he was just fine with me. It's OK. I understand – I know he needs to have me too, it's OK. Logan, it's all you, it's OK."
"God, baby, I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you like that, oh God, I – "
"Logan, it's OK. Really."
"No it isn't! Why didn't you just listen to me, Marie? Oh, God, why didn't you listen?"
"Because you're wrong about all this. He didn't hurt me. He's part of you. He needs me too. It's OK."
"No it's not OK – it's – it's perverted or somethin'! It's wrong!"
"Are you saying – do you honestly think it's – it's perverted?"
"You know, I never felt – I didn't ever feel ashamed or bad about anything you and I did together but if you think I'm a – a pervert for being with you that way, I – I – "
"No, not you, Marie, not – "
"Let me go, just let me go, OK?"
"Marie, baby, please, I didn't mean it that way."
"Then what way did you mean it?"
"I'm the one who's messed up here, not you. I never want you to hafta suffer – he *growls* at you, Marie. I can't stand the thought of me doin' that to you; I can't stand the thought of me bein' a savage with you. I'm the one who's the pervert here."
"That's not true."
"Darlin' – "
"It's not! I wouldn't be in love with some pervert! And I'm in love with you. It doesn't feel wrong, and he doesn't hurt me. It's not – he's part of *you*! I don't think it's wrong to love all of you. It's not wrong, Logan. Please tell me you don't think I'm some kind of – of cheating slu- "
"No. I don't think that. Not at all. I just – baby, do you *swear* he didn't hurt you, do you swear it?"
"Marie, you can't lie or – or bullshit me or cover the truth. Did he hurt you?"
"I swear on everything important to me. I swear on everything good. I swear it, Logan. You'd never hurt me. You never have and you never will. I swear to that. Can't you smell that I'm telling the truth?"
"It can't happen again."
"If it does, it's OK. Please, Logan – he needs me too. That part of you is trying to get out because he wants love."
"Love – he doesn't know what the hell that is Marie, he's a simple fuckin' animal."
"That's not true."
"You're not seein' him for what he is."
"I am. He's you, the primal part of you, the one that dragged you through torture so bad that no one would survive with themselves intact. He's the part of you that faced the worst that could possibly happen to a person, things worse than people even know to have nightmares about, and he won. He survived. You survived. I know who he is, and I'm so glad you have him inside you. I'd have never known you otherwise. You'd have never saved me – I'd be dead so many times over. Sugar, that's what he is. He's good, just like you."
"Trust me, sugar, please. Just – just see if he'll let you look the next time he comes out. Ask him to stick around. You'll see. You'll see what he's really like."
"Do this for me, Logan, please. Trust me."
"Oh, darlin', dontcha know there's nobody else in this whole stinkin' world that I do trust? That's why I wanna protect you from him."
"You don't need to. He's protecting me too, just like you are. I swear it."
"Darlin', I just dunno."
"Then let's not – let's not think about the whole thing now. Come back to sleep. Hold me close, sugar, and let's go back to sleep."
"We gotta talk about this sooner or later."
"I pick later. Come on, sugar."
"I love you. You know that, right?"
"I do. I love you too."
"Shhhh. No more talking. It's time for snuggling now."