Outtake-In and Out
I own no one. Gosh darn it!
Ask, and I will gladly provide.
Please! Pretty please? Good, bad, and ugly welcome..
Ficlet that didn't quite fit with the story In and Out-Logan comes back for
Rogue and it goes pretty well.
This is something just for the TerriKeli list - a little fic scrap that was
excised from 'In and Out'. Usually, I am paranoically adamant that
nobody but Keli sees my fic rejects. For a couple reasons. One
- nobody but her needs to see the awfulness that some of them display.
Two - nobody cares what *didn't* get into a story. Three - Keli or
I usually cut these for a good reason - they don't make sense, don't fit,
or just plain turned out bad. But this one, we cut because it was too
long for the story, was done in Rogue POV (Keli thought, and I agreed, that
third person and Logan POV worked best for his dreams/hallucinations of their
reunion), and was just a little too foofy and not quite surreal enough to
fit with the story's other pieces. I kinda liked it, though, and Keli
confirmed that I wasn't totally nuts. We still kinda think nobody probably
gives two hoots about seeing what doesn't make it into the stories, but the
lot of you have voluntarily signed up for this list, so we don't feel too
bad about foisting it upon you ;) I'll be interested to know what you all
Rogue. Rogue, wake up." Uh, no. No thank you. In
fact, I categorically refuse to wake up. "Come on, girl. Wakey,
wakey." No way. I was having a very pleasant dream involving
Logan and a big bowl of honey, and I'd like to get back to it, please.
"Ro-o-o-gue. Time to rise and shine."
Maybe some verbal discouragement will make her be quiet and let me go back
to sleep. MmmmmLogan-flavored honey
do, chica. You've gotta get up. Today's the big day. Team
tryouts. Let's go."
I forgot all about that. Team tryouts. Trying out for the X-men
team. Ugh. I don't really want to be on the team, but I feel
like I'll let the Professor down if I don't at least try out. Crap.
all right. I'll rise, but I refuse to shine." And I'm not taking
a shower because I'm just going to get all sweaty in the tryouts. Ick.
I *really* don't want to do this. Maybe I can just tell-
hell is it?" I'm in no mood to be polite. Or to actually open
the door. It's probably Bobby with some -
how you greet me after all this time, kid?"
Logan! Whoo-hoo! He's finally back! "Jubes! Open
the door!" Because I'm going to run full steam and-
- hug him
as hard as he's ever been hugged in his whole life. Logan's back!
"Where've you been? I was worried sick when you didn't call last week."
"I was on
my way back. Thought I'd get here a little sooner. How're you
damn good now that you're here!" I can't help it. I'm excited
to see him. I'm really, really glad he's back.
Oh my - Jean. I bet he's going to drop me like a hot potato and go
hug her. I mean, look at her-she's dressed all in skin-tight leather
for the tryouts. She's got her hair done up and she's wearing makeup-makeup!-to
go to the danger room in. Whereas I have decided to lure Logan with
my irresistible floor-length, high-collared, long-sleeve baggy nightie and
my fabulous bed-head. Oh yes, and let us not forget that little pimple
on my chin. Sheesh. No wonder she's his fantasy woman, and I'm
But hey-he didn't drop me like a hot potato. He put me down pretty gently
and he's still got one hand around my waist. Nah-nah. Take that,
Jean. I know it's petty, but I have to take what I can get.
back?" She's even smiling like she's happy for me that he's back.
You know, I wish she could be a bitch every now and then. I wouldn't
feel so bad about being so jealous of her if she could.
Look-I'll catch you later, all right? I gotta talk to Rogue."
Oh-oh. That can't be good. Passing up quality time with Jean
the Beautiful to talk to me. Must be serious.
He looks-I don't know-almost squirrely or nervous or something.
in my old room?"
Whoa, whoa, you're grabbing me pretty hard and practically dragging me along
there, Wolverine. You know, you don't have to drag me to get me to
follow you "Look, Rogue." Apparently, this is a door-closed conversation.
Hmmm. "Uh, I hafta talk to you."
I mean, I'm getting that from, you know, this whole thing." Did I mention
how I'm also dazzling him with my intellect and staggering powers of articulation?
I-ah-I know I said I'd come back here and everythin', and.." Oh God,
he's leaving again. He's leaving again. He just stopped by for
a second. Shit. Shit! "I, uh, did come back and.."
Apparently, he's not Articulation-Man this morning either. "Well, I
thought I'd stick around, you know, for a little while. Eventually,
I wanna go back to Canada, but.."
kind of hoping you'd stick around awhile." I know that sounds needy
and girly and stupid, but it's true. And I've never bothered to hide
anything from him before, so why should I now?
So I'll uh, go ahead and do that. For a while. Is that good with
with me. It's very good with me."
He's being so serious, I wonder if there's something-well, of course there's
more than he's probably telling me. But, you know what? I don't
feel like being serious right now. I've got Logan! Logan, Logan,
Logan! And he's going to stick around for awhile.
Hyper-senses. Yeah, Mr. Always-observant. Can't you tell from
the way I'm bouncing up and down on your bed and grinning like a maniac?"
That got a smile.
I've got to-I have to get back. Team tryouts are in a few and - "
Jesus Christ, you're gonna try out to be one of them? Fuck, I got here
just in time." Hey - anytime is a good time for some Logan in my life.
"You can't go joinin' the team, it's too dangerous. I gotta-I promised
to take care of you 'cause I wanted to keep you safe, and you're gonna go
joinin' the team?"
made him extremely cranky. But I guess I understand. The Promise
is a big deal to him, a very big deal. I think it's the only one he's
ever made and he takes it very seriously. "I was just trying out to
be polite. I don't really want to join."
He looks all kinds of relieved and I can't help but think how cute it is.
Plus, it makes my heart go all swoony whenever he gets all 'grrr' on my behalf.
"So don't-just skip the tryout thing then. Just tell 'em you got somethin'
to do with me instead." There it is again-the nervous look. You
know, the only other time I've seen that on him is right before he left-right
before I said I didn't want him to go. Something is definitely up here.
shall I tell them we're going to be doing?" Because somehow, I don't
think Scott is going to let me off the premises with Logan no matter what
I tell them.
a drink." And especially not if I tell them that.
we're going out for burgers. Give me twenty minutes."
you sure this is a good idea?" Because this place is downright scary.
I didn't even know Westchester *had* a fight bar. I wonder if Logan
knew it was here from before or if he just found it.
No one's gonna lay a hand on ya. They try it, I'll hack it off."
Oddly enough, that does put me at ease a little. But that wasn't what
I was talking about.
you fighting. Are you sure that's a good idea?"
not?" There's the nervous look again. God, I wish I knew what
the hell that was all about. "Dontcha like to watch me fight?"
I mean not really. I don't like to see you get hurt. You know-punched
and kicked. It's-it's bad." I'm just going to take a sip of the
beer I still can't quite believe he bought me. Maybe that'll take my
mind off that intense-as-hell look he's giving me.
I know. But it still hurts. Why-why do that to yourself?"
Best way I know how." Oh great, now I've offended his chosen profession
or something. He's getting all pissy, I can just tell.
didn't-I didn't mean anything by it." Well, at least he's not mad enough
to take my hand off his arm. "I just-you know, the first time I saw
you in the ring, you got beat on pretty bad before you started hitting back.
It scared me, even then when I didn't really know you, and it scares me even
now, when I know about your-your-" Better whisper-don't want anyone
to hear in case he does decide to fight. "-mutation. I don't
like watching you be hurt, that's all. I'm not-I'm not making some
comment on the whole thing. You know, beyond-I don't like to see you
get hurt. Nothing beyond that."
said that to me before-that you got scared when you first saw me."
of you, scared *for* you." Let's not take another detour onto Misunderstanding
You never said that before."
guess it just never came up. When we talked on the phone and you told
me you were fighting-" my heart sank to my toes and I prayed fervently
to a God I most often curse that you would be OK.. "-well, I just didn't
want to tell you how to live your life or anything. And I still don't-go
ahead and fight if you want, it's OK. But I just-look, all I meant
was that I don't like watching it. I don't like watching you get hurt.
I care about you a lot and it makes me upset. That's all. Don't
be mad, OK?"
mad, kid." All that intensity melted right away all of a sudden and
now he's just looking at me so, so-affectionately? Oh, God, he's taking
my hand in his-it is-it was affectionately. "I won't fight, OK?
I'll just-we'll just get another round of beers and sit and talk some more.
He's still holding my hand. He's still holding my hand. He's
still holding my hand. Fingers. He's moving his fingers to be
in between mine. Oh. My. God. Hand-holding.
you all right? I mean, um, did you realize you're holding my hand?"
Why my brain ever lets my mouth talk, I don't know. Stupid things that
lead to the cessation of hand-holding come out and-
did. You got a problem with that?" He's not teasing, he's not
mad, that's-that's an honest question.
Just surprised me a little there." Not quite enough to, you know, let
go or anything.
It's fantastic, fabulous, un-fricking-believable. And I can't help
squeezing his hand a little bit. It's so-so *warm*. "It's OK."
Spinny. "Marie? You doin' all right up there?"
You're carryin' me and I'm doin' just fiiiineee." Very spinny.
Nice spinny garage floor. Nice view of Logan's butt. Nice butt.
I love being carried by this man!
feel like you gotta throw up or nothin', huh?"
Just you know, feeling pretty spinny. Floaty. Un-un-un-coordinated."
"I let ya
drink a few too many there, darlin'."
I'll be fine." 'Cause you're carrying me. And 'cause I can see
your butt. That makes everything better.
put you in my bed, kid."
I will be drunk every night from now on.
don't wanna get you in trouble or nothin'."
think that me sleepin' in yer bed isn't gonna result in trouble? Are
you drunk or me?" If Scott ever, *ever* found out that I spent the
night in Logan's bed, he'd spazz. With a capital SP.
Logan-Logan'll take care of everything. He's good at that-taking care
of me. Very, very good.
I'm in bed. Which is good. Which is very good. Because
I'm not sure that I'm at all ambulatory at the moment. Uh, wait a minute.
Why-why is this bed so warm? And why is it breathing?
OK, OK, OK. I'm dreaming, must be. Must be dreaming. This
is the dream where I fall asleep alone and wake up with Logan in bed with
me. The one where he's got both arms around me and one leg. Wait-wait-I
don't have a dream like that. It's always just both arms. No
legs involved. Not that I am complaining, but-"Rrrrrr.." Oh,
my God! Purring! He purrs. Aw, that's just too cute for
he's snuggling me makes staying in bed all day seem like an exceptionally
attractive option. But I think-well, not that it's not all good-but
I think I've reached my weirdness quota. I mean something's going on,
this is not his normal behavior, and I'd like to know what the heck is up.
wake up. It's-it's the morning."
Oh my God, now he's nuzzling my neck-my hair will keep him safe, but it's
still dangerous. No matter how good it feels.
Don't." I just want to smack myself for saying that, but he's not totally
awake yet, and I'd really like to, you know, not kill him.
There we go, he's waking up.
You were-you were awfully close to my bare neck there for a second."
Still nuzzling. But he's got to be awake now and-"Wait. Uh, did
you want me to stop that?"
wanted to make sure you were awake while you were doing it. I didn't
want to have an accident or anything." Please, please, please keep
Yes! More nuzzling. Oh, this is way too good. Way too good.
And definitely NOT the time for a deep discussion about what's been going
on with him. Hear that, brain? No questions about -
What's going on with all this, with you and me? The hand thing and
you putting me in your bed and all that?" Stupid brain. Didn't
all that beer kill any of you off? Oh well, he paused the nuzzling,
so you might as well go ahead now. "Did, um, something happen between
us that I missed?" Because I've been paying pretty darn close attention
to even the tiniest detail of our relationship. I've spent hours talking
with Jubes about whether an "I miss ya, kid" constitutes some kind of deep
emotional attachment to me. I've spent days worrying over-
Just-I said I'd be back. Thought I'd come back and get ya."
have a relationship with?" I must be still drunk to be brave enough
to ask him that.
That's it. To, you know, have a relationship a while before we get outta
here and go on our own or whatever."
is some kind of trial period or something?" I've got to turn around
and look at his face-I need some kind of clue here.
like a test or somethin'. I don't do too good on tests. Just
wanted to see what you might be thinkin'." He just looks confused and
that's not helping me much.
a relationship with you?"
Marie, you ask an awful lotta questions."
kind of lost here." He looks halfway between amused and annoyed.
But at least he's touching my hair. "I mean-I can-I can ask fewer questions."
If this is some kind of a test-God, if it is, I might not be doing so well
That's fine. I guess-I guess I didn't really say it right or somethin'.
I dunno what you wanna do. Thought we'd spend some time findin' out.
That's all. See if you wanna maybe, I dunno, hang out with me, just
us, for a while."
now we're going to, uh, sleep in the same bed and, uh, other stuff?"
Just for clarification. Just to be sure.
But not-not all the stuff right away. Just, uh, some stuff at a time.
You tell me what's good. You let me know. I, ah, I got a lotta
time. I'm not goin' anywhere."
God, I love
him. I do, I really do. And I have no idea why he'd pick me over
Jean, why he'd want me after all the trouble I've brought him, after I've
almost killed him twice. But I know I love him and I want to be with
him. "OK. Is that what you'd like to do, you know, eventually-the
us hanging out together thing?" Shrugging. Again with the unhelpful.
"If-if it is, that would be good with me. I mean, I don't really need
a trial period. I've-I've missed the heck out of you, and I'd love
to have you all to myself a while." A-ha! There's a smile.
He likes that. Now we're getting somewhere. Now I have a minor
clue. A cluelet.
ah, I-I gave back Scott's bike."
Did we just completely change conversational topics? Were we not talking
about him and me together, alone, a topic of great importance? Was
I not finally, FINALLY getting somewhere with him? Weren't we-
a truck instead. You know, with a camper, like I usedta have."
Um - what the hell do I care? I mean, really, it's a whole new level
of emotional denial to try to have Truck Talk while we're-"There's room in
there for you."
Oh. I get it now. Oh! Calm. Remain
calm. Man of your dreams asks you to go with him to Canada, just the
two of you, LIVING IN HIS CAMPER TOGETHER - yeah, nothing to get excited
about there. Calm. I will remain calm. "Are you sure?"
a pretty big truck. I think you'll fit."
I have to smack him for that. He's got all those muscles, probably
won't even feel it. "I mean it, are you sure?"
I'm sure. You comin' or not?"
Calm, calm, calm. "What, are you kidding? Of course I'm coming!"
OK, that couldn't be helped. The way I flung myself at him and am basically
squeezing hard enough to make his guts come out of his ears, metal skeleton
or no-that couldn't be helped.
You know, now that I notice, he's squeezing back pretty hard too.
And I think I caught him smiling again there for a second. Just for
have to-wait, when do you want to go?"
Whenever you're packed." Something must be up. He's-he is acting
nervous again, almost like he wants to go before I change my mind or something.
I don't know what would make him ever think I'd not want to go. Especially
given my recent reaction to him asking.
OK. Just let me-just let me take a shower and pack a few things."
I have to
say I'm pleasantly surprised with the lack of drama around me leaving with
Logan. I thought Scott and the Professor were strong candidates for
the stern-look-and-lecture approach, and I expected Jean and Storm to say
*something*. But they just looked happy for us and the Professor even
smiled a little. OK, Scott wasn't exactly happy, but he didn't lecture
me. All he said was to call when I needed him. And I caught it-"when"
I needed him, not "if"-but I don't think Logan did, so I am not officially
counting it as a jibe.
Kitty-I'll miss them. I'll miss them a lot. But they were happy
too. They helped me pack, and while I'm sure they've snuck in some
embarrassing sex toy or something, I'm really grateful for that. It
meant we could get moving right away.
I like this truck and camper better than the last one. I have a good
feeling about this."
Logan's been a little weird, ironically enough. He keeps glancing at
me, and he's got that nervous look again.
I like it. I've always been a Chevy girl. The last one was a
Now he's fidgeting. Actually fidgeting. You know, this is pretty
much my fantasy right here-Logan comes back, wants me, and takes me with
him. I mean, that's all of it. I didn't really figure on what
happened beyond that. It occurs to me that maybe I should address the
nervousness issue or something.
um, sure about all this?" Oh-oh. That wasn't a happy Wolvie look.
That was the wrong thing to say. Well, OK, say something else.
"I mean, just, you've seemed a little nervous about something. Are
you-are you having second thoughts about the you-and-me thing? About
Not entirely helpful.
you havin' second thoughts?" Oh, God, he really wants to know.
He's serious. He seriously wonders if I am having second thoughts.
No. I'm loving this. What the heck made you think I'd have second
thoughts?" I must've done something wrong or something to throw him
it ain't-well, it's just me, you know, and this. There's not-there's
not much to offer you."
it's, you know, *you* and all this. It's all I really want."
just say that, Marie. Don't just say that without thinkin' about what
you're gettin' into." Wow, he's really, really worried that I don't
mean it or something. Well, enough of that.
all I think about, you and me. Creatures that live underground, you
know, fifty miles away, know how I feel about you. I've never tried
to hide it, not at all. How can you not know?"
don't want you to-I don't..."
know what he's going to say here, but maybe it's time for me to interject
something. "I-I love you. I really do. I tell you that a lot,
you should know that. And I want to be with you, not-I don't want to
just be in love with you and have some fantasy about it. I want to
live out my life with you." Finally, I say something that's helping.
He liked that, for sure. "You know why? It works out better than
my fantasies-every time." Oh yeah, he's pulling over and I think he's
going to kiss me. That was definitely the right thing to say.
done this before, Marie." Uh, what about kissing? Kissing, please?
Not that the talking isn't good, but - "I'm-I'm new at it, livin'
with somebody. I ain't-I just wanna make sure I'm doin' right by you,
and that you-you hafta want it as much as I do, Marie. You hafta want
it for you, not to-not to please me or nothin'."
it for both of us. And Logan, you've done nothing but right by me-if
I'm not mistaken, you were that really great guy that was holding my hand
and snuggling with me last night. That's-that you would do that for
me, that you'd *feel* like doing that with me-well, that's just amazing.
It goes to show-you know what you're doing. Even if you are new at
it. You're a natural." There's the smile I like, the big one.
Maybe that will lead to kissing.
at a lotta things, darlin'."
lots of time to show me. I'm going to be around for a long time."
Oh yeah, I've definitely got the hang of it now. He's reaching over
to hold my hand. Which is not kissing, but it's definitely nice.
And I can go at the pace he needs to too. I can give him time to do
stuff too. Because I'm not ever changing my mind about this.