Outtake - In and Out

Title:  Outtake-In and Out
Author:  Terri
Rating:  PG-13
Disclaimer:  I own no one.  Gosh darn it!
Archive:  Ask, and I will gladly provide.
Feedback:  Please!   Pretty please?  Good, bad, and ugly welcome..
Summary:  Ficlet that didn't quite fit with the story In and Out-Logan comes back for Rogue and it goes pretty well.
Comments:  This is something just for the TerriKeli list - a little fic scrap that was excised from 'In and Out'.  Usually, I am paranoically adamant that nobody but Keli sees my fic rejects.  For a couple reasons.  One - nobody but her needs to see the awfulness that some of them display.  Two - nobody cares what *didn't* get into a story.  Three - Keli or I usually cut these for a good reason - they don't make sense, don't fit, or just plain turned out bad.  But this one, we cut because it was too long for the story, was done in Rogue POV (Keli thought, and I agreed, that third person and Logan POV worked best for his dreams/hallucinations of their reunion), and was just a little too foofy and not quite surreal enough to fit with the story's other pieces.  I kinda liked it, though, and Keli confirmed that I wasn't totally nuts.  We still kinda think nobody probably gives two hoots about seeing what doesn't make it into the stories, but the lot of you have voluntarily signed up for this list, so we don't feel too bad about foisting it upon you ;) I'll be interested to know what you all think.


"Rogue.  Rogue.  Rogue, wake up."  Uh, no.  No thank you.  In fact, I categorically refuse to wake up.   "Come on, girl.  Wakey, wakey."  No way.  I was having a very pleasant dream involving Logan and a big bowl of honey, and I'd like to get back to it, please.  "Ro-o-o-gue.  Time to rise and shine." 

"Go away."  Maybe some verbal discouragement will make her be quiet and let me go back to sleep.  MmmmmLogan-flavored honey

"No can do, chica.  You've gotta get up.  Today's the big day.  Team tryouts.  Let's go."

Ugh.  I forgot all about that.  Team tryouts.  Trying out for the X-men team.  Ugh.  I don't really want to be on the team, but I feel like I'll let the Professor down if I don't at least try out.  Crap.  Double crap. 

"All right, all right.  I'll rise, but I refuse to shine."  And I'm not taking a shower because I'm just going to get all sweaty in the tryouts.  Ick.  I *really* don't want to do this.  Maybe I can just tell-


"Who the hell is it?"  I'm in no mood to be polite.  Or to actually open the door.  It's probably Bobby with some -

"Is that how you greet me after all this time, kid?"

Logan!  Logan!  Whoo-hoo!  He's finally back!  "Jubes!  Open the door!"  Because I'm going to run full steam and-


- hug him as hard as he's ever been hugged in his whole life.  Logan's back!  "Where've you been?  I was worried sick when you didn't call last week."

"I was on my way back.  Thought I'd get here a little sooner.  How're you doin'?"

"Pretty damn good now that you're here!"  I can't help it.  I'm excited to see him.  I'm really, really glad he's back.

"Logan?"  Oh my - Jean.  I bet he's going to drop me like a hot potato and go hug her.  I mean, look at her-she's dressed all in skin-tight leather for the tryouts.  She's got her hair done up and she's wearing makeup-makeup!-to go to the danger room in.  Whereas I have decided to lure Logan with my irresistible floor-length, high-collared, long-sleeve baggy nightie and my fabulous bed-head.  Oh yes, and let us not forget that little pimple on my chin.  Sheesh.  No wonder she's his fantasy woman, and I'm so very.not. 

"Hey Jeannie."  But hey-he didn't drop me like a hot potato.  He put me down pretty gently and he's still got one hand around my waist.  Nah-nah.  Take that, Jean.  I know it's petty, but I have to take what I can get.

"Just get back?"  She's even smiling like she's happy for me that he's back.  You know, I wish she could be a bitch every now and then.  I wouldn't feel so bad about being so jealous of her if she could. 

"Yeah.  Look-I'll catch you later, all right?  I gotta talk to Rogue."  Oh-oh.  That can't be good.  Passing up quality time with Jean the Beautiful to talk to me.  Must be serious.

"What's up?"

"Your roommates in there?"

"Uh, yeah."  He looks-I don't know-almost squirrely or nervous or something.

"Anybody in my old room?"


"Come on."  Whoa, whoa, you're grabbing me pretty hard and practically dragging me along there, Wolverine.  You know, you don't have to drag me to get me to follow you  "Look, Rogue."  Apparently, this is a door-closed conversation.  Hmmm. "Uh, I hafta talk to you."

"Um, OK.  I mean, I'm getting that from, you know, this whole thing."  Did I mention how I'm also dazzling him with my intellect and staggering powers of articulation?

"Yeah.  I-ah-I know I said I'd come back here and everythin', and.."  Oh God, he's leaving again.  He's leaving again.  He just stopped by for a second.  Shit.  Shit!  "I, uh, did come back and.."  Apparently, he's not Articulation-Man this morning either.  "Well, I thought I'd stick around, you know, for a little while.  Eventually, I wanna go back to Canada, but.."

"I-I was kind of hoping you'd stick around awhile."  I know that sounds needy and girly and stupid, but it's true.  And I've never bothered to hide anything from him before, so why should I now? 

"Good.  So I'll uh, go ahead and do that.  For a while.  Is that good with you?" 

"It's good with me.  It's very good with me."

"Really?"  He's being so serious, I wonder if there's something-well, of course there's more than he's probably telling me.  But, you know what?  I don't feel like being serious right now.  I've got Logan!  Logan, Logan, Logan!  And he's going to stick around for awhile.

"Yeah, Mr. Hyper-senses.  Yeah, Mr. Always-observant.  Can't you tell from the way I'm bouncing up and down on your bed and grinning like a maniac?"  That got a smile. 

"Guess so." 

"Listen, I've got to-I have to get back.  Team tryouts are in a few and - "

"Team tryouts?  Jesus Christ, you're gonna try out to be one of them?  Fuck, I got here just in time."  Hey - anytime is a good time for some Logan in my life.  "You can't go joinin' the team, it's too dangerous.  I gotta-I promised to take care of you 'cause I wanted to keep you safe, and you're gonna go joinin' the team?"

Well, that made him extremely cranky.  But I guess I understand.  The Promise is a big deal to him, a very big deal.  I think it's the only one he's ever made and he takes it very seriously.  "I was just trying out to be polite.  I don't really want to join."

"Well..good."  He looks all kinds of relieved and I can't help but think how cute it is.  Plus, it makes my heart go all swoony whenever he gets all 'grrr' on my behalf.  "So don't-just skip the tryout thing then.  Just tell 'em you got somethin' to do with me instead."  There it is again-the nervous look.  You know, the only other time I've seen that on him is right before he left-right before I said I didn't want him to go.  Something is definitely up here. 

"And what shall I tell them we're going to be doing?"  Because somehow, I don't think Scott is going to let me off the premises with Logan no matter what I tell them.

"I need a drink."  And especially not if I tell them that.

"I'll say we're going out for burgers.  Give me twenty minutes."

"Uh, are you sure this is a good idea?"  Because this place is downright scary.  I didn't even know Westchester *had* a fight bar.  I wonder if Logan knew it was here from before or if he just found it.

"Don't worry.  No one's gonna lay a hand on ya.  They try it, I'll hack it off."  Oddly enough, that does put me at ease a little.  But that wasn't what I was talking about.

"I meant you fighting.  Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yeah, why not?"  There's the nervous look again.  God, I wish I knew what the hell that was all about.  "Dontcha like to watch me fight?"

"Well, no.  I mean not really.  I don't like to see you get hurt.  You know-punched and kicked.  It's-it's bad."  I'm just going to take a sip of the beer I still can't quite believe he bought me.  Maybe that'll take my mind off that intense-as-hell look he's giving me.

"I heal, kid."

"I know, I know.  But it still hurts.  Why-why do that to yourself?" 

"Makes money.  Best way I know how."  Oh great, now I've offended his chosen profession or something.  He's getting all pissy, I can just tell.

"Hey, I didn't-I didn't mean anything by it."  Well, at least he's not mad enough to take my hand off his arm.  "I just-you know, the first time I saw you in the ring, you got beat on pretty bad before you started hitting back.  It scared me, even then when I didn't really know you, and it scares me even now, when I know about your-your-"  Better whisper-don't want anyone to hear in case he does decide to fight.  "-mutation.  I don't like watching you be hurt, that's all.  I'm not-I'm not making some comment on the whole thing.  You know, beyond-I don't like to see you get hurt.  Nothing beyond that."

"You never said that to me before-that you got scared when you first saw me."

"Not scared of you, scared *for* you."  Let's not take another detour onto Misunderstanding Parkway. 

"Yeah, whatever.  You never said that before."

"Well, I guess it just never came up.  When we talked on the phone and you told me you were fighting-"  my heart sank to my toes and I prayed fervently to a God I most often curse that you would be OK.. "-well, I just didn't want to tell you how to live your life or anything.  And I still don't-go ahead and fight if you want, it's OK.  But I just-look, all I meant was that I don't like watching it.  I don't like watching you get hurt.  I care about you a lot and it makes me upset.  That's all.  Don't be mad, OK?"

"I'm not mad, kid."  All that intensity melted right away all of a sudden and now he's just looking at me so, so-affectionately?  Oh, God, he's taking my hand in his-it is-it was affectionately.  "I won't fight, OK?  I'll just-we'll just get another round of beers and sit and talk some more.  Good?"

"Yeah."  He's still holding my hand.  He's still holding my hand.  He's still holding my hand.  Fingers.  He's moving his fingers to be in between mine.  Oh.  My.  God.  Hand-holding.

"Logan, are you all right?  I mean, um, did you realize you're holding my hand?"  Why my brain ever lets my mouth talk, I don't know.  Stupid things that lead to the cessation of hand-holding come out and-

"Yeah, I did.  You got a problem with that?"  He's not teasing, he's not mad, that's-that's an honest question. 

"N-No.  Just surprised me a little there."  Not quite enough to, you know, let go or anything. 

"But it's OK?"

"Yeah."  It's fantastic, fabulous, un-fricking-believable.  And I can't help squeezing his hand a little bit.  It's so-so *warm*.  "It's OK."

"Come on, let's sit."

Whoooooo.  Spinny.  "Marie?  You doin' all right up there?"

"Oh, yeah.  You're carryin' me and I'm doin' just fiiiineee."  Very spinny.  Nice spinny garage floor.  Nice view of Logan's butt.  Nice butt.  I love being carried by this man!

"You don't feel like you gotta throw up or nothin', huh?" 

"Nope.  Just you know, feeling pretty spinny.  Floaty.  Un-un-un-coordinated."

"I let ya drink a few too many there, darlin'."

"..'S'OK.  I'll be fine."  'Cause you're carrying me.  And 'cause I can see your butt.  That makes everything better.

"I'm gonna put you in my bed, kid."

"Oooh!"  I will be drunk every night from now on.

"Yeah, I don't wanna get you in trouble or nothin'."

"And you think that me sleepin' in yer bed isn't gonna result in trouble?  Are you drunk or me?"  If Scott ever, *ever* found out that I spent the night in Logan's bed, he'd spazz.  With a capital SP.

"Don't worry." 

"OK."  Logan-Logan'll take care of everything.  He's good at that-taking care of me.  Very, very good. 

Bed.  I'm in bed.  Which is good.  Which is very good.  Because I'm not sure that I'm at all ambulatory at the moment.  Uh, wait a minute.  Why-why is this bed so warm?  And why is it breathing?

"Mmmm"  OK, OK, OK.  I'm dreaming, must be.  Must be dreaming.  This is the dream where I fall asleep alone and wake up with Logan in bed with me.  The one where he's got both arms around me and one leg.  Wait-wait-I don't have a dream like that.  It's always just both arms.  No legs involved.  Not that I am complaining, but-"Rrrrrr.."  Oh, my God!  Purring!  He purrs.  Aw, that's just too cute for words. 

The way he's snuggling me makes staying in bed all day seem like an exceptionally attractive option.  But I think-well, not that it's not all good-but I think I've reached my weirdness quota.  I mean something's going on, this is not his normal behavior, and I'd like to know what the heck is up.



"Logan, wake up.  It's-it's the morning." 

"Mmm-hmm."  Oh my God, now he's nuzzling my neck-my hair will keep him safe, but it's still dangerous.  No matter how good it feels.

"Logan, no.  Don't."  I just want to smack myself for saying that, but he's not totally awake yet, and I'd really like to, you know, not kill him.

"Huh?"  There we go, he's waking up. 

"Wake up.  You were-you were awfully close to my bare neck there for a second."

"Mmm"  Still nuzzling.  But he's got to be awake now and-"Wait.  Uh, did you want me to stop that?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were awake while you were doing it.  I didn't want to have an accident or anything."  Please, please, please keep doing it.

"Don't worry."  Yes!  More nuzzling.  Oh, this is way too good.  Way too good.  And definitely NOT the time for a deep discussion about what's been going on with him.  Hear that, brain?  No questions about -

"Logan?  What's going on with all this, with you and me?  The hand thing and you putting me in your bed and all that?"  Stupid brain.  Didn't all that beer kill any of you off?  Oh well, he paused the nuzzling, so you might as well go ahead now.  "Did, um, something happen between us that I missed?"  Because I've been paying pretty darn close attention to even the tiniest detail of our relationship.  I've spent hours talking with Jubes about whether an "I miss ya, kid" constitutes some kind of deep emotional attachment to me.  I've spent days worrying over-

"I dunno.  Just-I said I'd be back.  Thought I'd come back and get ya."

"To, um, have a relationship with?"  I must be still drunk to be brave enough to ask him that.

"Yeah.  That's it. To, you know, have a relationship a while before we get outta here and go on our own or whatever." 

"So, this is some kind of trial period or something?"  I've got to turn around and look at his face-I need some kind of clue here.

"No, not like a test or somethin'.  I don't do too good on tests.  Just wanted to see what you might be thinkin'."  He just looks confused and that's not helping me much.

"About having a relationship with you?"

"You know, Marie, you ask an awful lotta questions."

"Well, I'm kind of lost here."  He looks halfway between amused and annoyed.  But at least he's touching my hair.  "I mean-I can-I can ask fewer questions."  If this is some kind of a test-God, if it is, I might not be doing so well by-

"Nah, kid.  That's fine.  I guess-I guess I didn't really say it right or somethin'.  I dunno what you wanna do.  Thought we'd spend some time findin' out.  That's all.  See if you wanna maybe, I dunno, hang out with me, just us, for a while."



"And so now we're going to, uh, sleep in the same bed and, uh, other stuff?"  Just for clarification.  Just to be sure.

"Yeah.  But not-not all the stuff right away.  Just, uh, some stuff at a time.  You tell me what's good.  You let me know.  I, ah, I got a lotta time.  I'm not goin' anywhere."

God, I love him.  I do, I really do.  And I have no idea why he'd pick me over Jean, why he'd want me after all the trouble I've brought him, after I've almost killed him twice.  But I know I love him and I want to be with him.  "OK.  Is that what you'd like to do, you know, eventually-the us hanging out together thing?"  Shrugging.  Again with the unhelpful.  "If-if it is, that would be good with me.  I mean, I don't really need a trial period.  I've-I've missed the heck out of you, and I'd love to have you all to myself a while."  A-ha!  There's a smile.  He likes that.  Now we're getting somewhere.  Now I have a minor clue.  A cluelet.

"So, then, ah, I-I gave back Scott's bike."

"What?"  Did we just completely change conversational topics?  Were we not talking about him and me together, alone, a topic of great importance?  Was I not finally, FINALLY getting somewhere with him?  Weren't we-

"I bought a truck instead.  You know, with a camper, like I usedta have."  Um - what the hell do I care?  I mean, really, it's a whole new level of emotional denial to try to have Truck Talk while we're-"There's room in there for you."

Oh.  Oh.  I get it now.  Oh!  Calm.  Remain calm.  Man of your dreams asks you to go with him to Canada, just the two of you, LIVING IN HIS CAMPER TOGETHER - yeah, nothing to get excited about there.  Calm.  I will remain calm.  "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's a pretty big truck.  I think you'll fit."

"Jerk!"  I have to smack him for that.  He's got all those muscles, probably won't even feel it.  "I mean it, are you sure?"

"Yeah, Marie.  I'm sure.  You comin' or not?"

Calm.  Calm, calm, calm.  "What, are you kidding?  Of course I'm coming!"  OK, that couldn't be helped.  The way I flung myself at him and am basically squeezing hard enough to make his guts come out of his ears, metal skeleton or no-that couldn't be helped.

"Good."  You know, now that I notice, he's squeezing back pretty hard too.   And I think I caught him smiling again there for a second.  Just for a second.

"I just have to-wait, when do you want to go?"

"Now.  Whenever you're packed."  Something must be up.  He's-he is acting nervous again, almost like he wants to go before I change my mind or something.  I don't know what would make him ever think I'd not want to go.  Especially given my recent reaction to him asking.

"OK.  OK.  Just let me-just let me take a shower and pack a few things."

I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised with the lack of drama around me leaving with Logan.  I thought Scott and the Professor were strong candidates for the stern-look-and-lecture approach, and I expected Jean and Storm to say *something*.  But they just looked happy for us and the Professor even smiled a little.  OK, Scott wasn't exactly happy, but he didn't lecture me.  All he said was to call when I needed him.  And I caught it-"when" I needed him, not "if"-but I don't think Logan did, so I am not officially counting it as a jibe.

Jubes and Kitty-I'll miss them.  I'll miss them a lot.  But they were happy too.  They helped me pack, and while I'm sure they've snuck in some embarrassing sex toy or something, I'm really grateful for that.  It meant we could get moving right away. 

"You know, I like this truck and camper better than the last one.  I have a good feeling about this."

"Yeah?"  Logan's been a little weird, ironically enough.  He keeps glancing at me, and he's got that nervous look again. 

"Mmm-hnmm.  I like it.  I've always been a Chevy girl.  The last one was a Ford, right?"

"Yeah."   Now he's fidgeting.  Actually fidgeting.  You know, this is pretty much my fantasy right here-Logan comes back, wants me, and takes me with him.  I mean, that's all of it.  I didn't really figure on what happened beyond that.  It occurs to me that maybe I should address the nervousness issue or something. 

"Are you, um, sure about all this?"  Oh-oh.  That wasn't a happy Wolvie look.  That was the wrong thing to say.  Well, OK, say something else.  "I mean, just, you've seemed a little nervous about something.  Are you-are you having second thoughts about the you-and-me thing?  About the relationship?"

"No."  Not entirely helpful. 


"It's just-are you havin' second thoughts?"  Oh, God, he really wants to know.  He's serious.  He seriously wonders if I am having second thoughts.

"Me?  No.  I'm loving this.  What the heck made you think I'd have second thoughts?"  I must've done something wrong or something to throw him off because-

"I know it ain't-well, it's just me, you know, and this.  There's not-there's not much to offer you."

"Yeah, but it's, you know, *you* and all this.  It's all I really want."

"Don't-don't just say that, Marie.  Don't just say that without thinkin' about what you're gettin' into."  Wow, he's really, really worried that I don't mean it or something.  Well, enough of that.

"Logan, it's all I think about, you and me.  Creatures that live underground, you know, fifty miles away, know how I feel about you.  I've never tried to hide it, not at all.  How can you not know?"

"I just-I don't want you to-I don't..."

I don't know what he's going to say here, but maybe it's time for me to interject something. "I-I love you.  I really do.  I tell you that a lot, you should know that.  And I want to be with you, not-I don't want to just be in love with you and have some fantasy about it.  I want to live out my life with you."  Finally, I say something that's helping.  He liked that, for sure.  "You know why?  It works out better than my fantasies-every time."  Oh yeah, he's pulling over and I think he's going to kiss me.  That was definitely the right thing to say. 

"I've never done this before, Marie."  Uh, what about kissing?  Kissing, please?  Not that the talking isn't good, but -   "I'm-I'm new at it, livin' with somebody.  I ain't-I just wanna make sure I'm doin' right by you, and that you-you hafta want it as much as I do, Marie.  You hafta want it for you, not to-not to please me or nothin'."

"I want it for both of us.  And Logan, you've done nothing but right by me-if I'm not mistaken, you were that really great guy that was holding my hand and snuggling with me last night.  That's-that you would do that for me, that you'd *feel* like doing that with me-well, that's just amazing.  It goes to show-you know what you're doing.  Even if you are new at it.  You're a natural."  There's the smile I like, the big one.  Maybe that will lead to kissing.

"I'm good at a lotta things, darlin'."

"You have lots of time to show me.  I'm going to be around for a long time."  Oh yeah, I've definitely got the hang of it now.  He's reaching over to hold my hand.  Which is not kissing, but it's definitely nice.  And I can go at the pace he needs to too.  I can give him time to do stuff too.  Because I'm not ever changing my mind about this. 

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