In and Out
I don't own anybody. Rats.
Ask, and I will gladly supply.
Please! With whipped cream on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome
Logan goes down in a fight, and thinks about his homecoming while he drifts
in and out.
This is in response to a plot bunny from Khaki who suggested a fic where Logan
hallucinates. This turned out to be more of a ficlet, but I hope she
still likes it ;)
thought he'd be away for at least a year. The student pool favored
eighteen months, and the adults at Xavier's privately wondered if he'd come
back at all. In the end, it was only six months.
first. He told her he was fine, that he had found some information about
his past, and that he was coming back to Westchester. He asked her if
she was doing all right, and if she liked it there. He asked her when
she'd finish school and if she was planning on staying there and training
for the team. Lastly, he asked for the first time how old she was and
when her next birthday would be. It was September, and he said he'd
be back by the end of that month. She'd be eighteen on the twenty-sixth,
and he told her they'd talk more then. He didn't tell her about the
plan he'd been making in the six months he'd been gone, or the details of
what he'd found, and she didn't ask.
back on September twenty-fifth. It was unseasonably cool, and raining.
He pulled into Xavier's drive in a Jeep Cherokee, with Scott's bike, in reasonably
good shape, in a small trailer. Logan said polite hellos to everyone
and exchanged snarls with Scott, then headed off to find what he'd come back
he'd returned, but stayed in her room, waiting. She was nervous about
seeing him again, partly because he'd been a little odd on the phone and partly
because she'd been thinking about him so much since he'd been gone.
She was sure she was in love with him, but she didn't think he loved her back,
not like she wanted him to. She'd toyed with the idea of ignoring it,
of trying to hide it, but in the end, she wanted to be honest with him, to
just let it out and hope he didn't run screaming when she did. They
could deal with it that way, and hearing him tell her that her feelings weren't
returned might help her move on.
came to her room, he didn't knock, just opened the door and paused at the
sight of her sitting on the bed. She smiled, and crossed the room to
hug him in welcome. He hugged her back tightly, and she relished in
the touch, in the contact that she'd been deprived of since he'd been gone.
She almost up and told him she loved him right then, but she restrained herself,
barely, and let him go a little.
letting go, though, and in fact, he started kissing her. Just on the
side of her head at first, protected by her hair, then her turtleneck-covered
neck and shoulder. His hands stayed fixed at her waist, keeping her
torso flush against his. "Logan?"
He just kept kissing her, now interspersing little nips and gentle bites with
the kisses. She let him, and gave some serious consideration to whether
she was hallucinating this whole thing. He finally broke from her,
kicked the door shut behind him, and walked her over to the bed. "Sit
down a second."
going on?" She was thoroughly confused. Even some of her best
fantasies of him coming back didn't go this well, and the universe's failure
to conform to her most pessimistic expectations-it was usually so obliging
in that regard-was throwing her off.
back to get you. We're going to Canada. I've been fighting for
the past few months, so there's some money to get us started. We'll
get married as soon as we cross the border and we'll find a place to settle."
That was a much more complete, much more precise explanation than she'd been
expecting. And it contained completely different content as well.
Checking again for evidence of a dream or some kind of altered mental state,
she paused and tried to process the situation. "We're getting married?"
She was hoping for a little more clarification than that, and she looked at
him questioningly. "Look, I got a plan. That's the plan."
Again, that was less than helpful, so she gave him the same look. "Don't
tell Chuck about the plan. He won't like it if he figures it out."
She was still not making any progress in understanding what was going on.
"Look, Marie, that's the plan. You said-you said you were done with
school and that you weren't gonna join up with the team. You said it
was just 'OK' here. You said you'd be eighteen on the twenty-sixth
and that you missed me."
we're getting married?" Her brain just kept sticking on that point.
do it, OK? We'll-"
Maybe some more direct questions would help clarify the plan.
"I did some
thinkin' and decided this is what we should do." Her look told him
she needed more explanation along those lines, and he heaved a sigh and decided
to give it to her. He'd hoped she'd just kind of go along, agree to
the plan, and that he wouldn't have to open himself up too much. She'd
been good at that so far-not asking him to give a lot of outward assurances,
not a lot of emotional declarations. Well, he reflected, this was a
big thing, and I sorta just sprang it on her. A little explanation
wasn't unreasonable. "You and me, we're like a thing. We-we're
better together than separate, and that's not gonna change. So let's
get together, and you know, do that."
enough, she was beginning to get it. "Oh. OK. But I still-I'm
not quite getting the married thing."
the honorable thing. If I'm gonna be-you know-then that's the honorable
thing, to get married."
don't want to, you know, before we get married?"
say that." She started a little at his abrupt tone. "I, uh, I
just mean that, well, we can do that any time. The sooner the better
but more or less whenever you're ready is good. Today would be good.
You know, now."
I figured out how to turn it off, if you want."
a smile, and he began to feel that she was finally on board with the plan.
"OK, OK, let's get married."
what are you-"
"I can save
him, I can save him, just let me-Jean, just let me-"
touch him! He's been out too long to - Rogue, no!"
"I can save
him, I can!"
beautiful, Marie is. There's no words to do it justice, no way to explain
it that covers it all. Just beautiful. I knew I'd come back to
find her even more amazingly perfect, but seein' her now just blows me away.
Beautiful and perfect. That's her, all over.
you're back!" Aw, runnin' to me, huggin' me to her so tight.
"I missed you so much!"
kid." I'm just gonna play it cool for a little while, see what she wants
to do. I know she's in love with me, Jeannie said so, but I don't know
if she's ready to do all the stuff I wanna. After all, I could only
stay away for a year, and she's still young.
"Oh, I just
can't believe you came back!"
I'd be back for you." Pullin' back to look at me a little and those
brown eyes are so big and so warm that I just dunno if I can wait for her
to be ready, I just dunno if-
you'd be back for the tags. And here they are." Holdin' 'em up
outta her shirt-musta worn 'em every day since I've been gone. She
knows. She knows she's mine.
'em baby, I want you to have 'em. And I came back for you."
glad you did. You know," The way she's blushin' right now, that's
so cute. "I was hoping you would. I-I love you, Logan."
baby, I love you too."
Rogue! Come back!"
go, Scott-she's-I think she may have actually helped Logan. He came
back there for a second. Her touch-somehow it healed him, got his powers
working again. I think when she touched Sabretooth, it must've-if she
can get to him again and - "
going to trade her life for his. It almost-she passed out! She's
not-she's hurt. She can't fight Sabretooth now. Rogue, come back,
that's an order!"
gone. She's gone."
surprised to see her sleeping. She slept like an angel. Well,
when his nightmares or her own weren't haunting her. He wasn't even
surprised to see her sleeping in his old bed. Smelling her close had
always comforted him, and he imagined that it wasn't any different for her.
And he'd only been gone two weeks-his scent probably still lingered quite
a bit. He was surprised, though, at the depth and intensity of desire
the sight of her sleeping stirred within him.
in next to her, under the blankets. She was warm, so warm, and her own
scent hit him hard. He wanted to hold her to him, to wrap himself completely
around her, protecting her from terrors both real and imagined. He
acted on that impulse, and she woke a little.
Go back to sleep, kid."
"Am I dreaming?"
She burrowed into him, wanting him close whether it was a dream or not.
I'm here. It's real."
leave me again, Logan. I need you so much."
can't-you're-Rogue, don't -"
or I'll fuckin' move ya."
sounded just like Sabretooth. That-"
fuck up. I gotta-I gotta touch him or he won't make it. Move!"
know or don't care?"
I can't be pickin' up whoever comes along. Not even if they are gorgeous
and probably real sweet too. Uh-uh. No way. Not even if
they smell really, really good.
didn't." That's true. Absolutely true. She didn't.
She just didn't. But still-she could've. She could've and she
could've gotten hurt doin' it - fuck, fuck, I'm gonna pull over. I
can't leave her out here. Maybe-maybe she won't mind me too much.
Maybe she won't mind if I like her, if I help her.
Breathless and beautiful, runnin' to catch up and hoppin' in, just like that.
Even though she's seen the claws. Even though she knows what I am.
She don't care, or-or it's OK with her. God, I want her. Bad.
"But I-I should tell you something. I'm-I'm a mutant too. No
one can touch my skin. It's-it hurts people when they do."
Put your seat belt on, kid." I can touch her without touchin' her skin.
I can do that easy enough. Now, it's just-
kiss you first." Leanin' over, kissin' real gentle on my mutton chops.
Damn glad I got facial hair at the moment, I'll tell ya that. "Thank
you for taking care of me."
She's holdin' me while she's kissin' on me and she's showin' no signs of lettin'
go. I'll just put my hands on her waist, just guide her over to be
on top of me. She's-she's comin', straddlin' my lap and leanin' in
a little closer.
me you will. Promise me you'll take care of me." Still kissin',
and at the moment, I can't think of anythin' I'd rather promise.
I promise. And I'll never, ever leave you, no matter what. Not ever.
Not at all."
you. Thank you so much. And I promise-" That's it, keep
kissin' me, keep touchin' me. Don't stop, don't ever stop. "-I
promise to always love you. Just you. Only you. I promise
to always love you and belong to you."
you're mine." Gotta touch her, gotta get some of these clothes off
right. I'm yours. Always, always yours."
you, Jean? She-you knew she was unstable - she killed Sabretooth,
for God's sake!"
saved Logan-he's-she somehow passed along Sabretooth's healing factor through
her skin. She saved him, Scott. I think-he's healing, and I think
he'll be OK."
did you know I've always loved you? I mean, from the minute we met-always."
knew that." He did, and it pleased him to no end. He wasn't shy
about showing her that. "C'mere." He kissed her deeply, tasting
her and drawing little moans and sighs of pleasure from her. He loved
this-making her feel pleasure, making her enjoy being with him. He
was the only one who could safely touch her, but he never let that fact ease
his desire to make sure those touches were pleasing to her.
from him a little reluctantly. He knew she was about to ask the same
question she always did before they made love. He always gave a variation
of the very same answer, but she still asked. It was OK-he didn't mind
telling her. He didn't mind at all. "Do you-do you love me too?"
Marie, more than anything, more than my own life. Yes."
you all right?"
you tell me what day it is? Do you know where you are? I'm Jean,
do you remember - "
in the ICU. Logan-"
get excited. You're not-you're still healing. Just rest."
take me to her. You gotta take me to her now."
nothing you can do. We're just hoping-well, we're hoping she'll heal."
hell happened, goddammit?"
Sabretooth after Magneto-after he attacked you. She killed him and she
somehow passed some of his healing power to you through her skin. There
wasn't-she was injured gravely and she's healing now, but slowly. I
think his healing factor has migrated to her permanently, but it's been severely
shoulda never left. I gotta get to her."
open your eyes, huh?" Is that-it has to be Logan. No one else
calls me 'kid.' "Come on, quit scarin' the shit outta me, OK?"
Why does my throat hurt so much? Dammit, I'm supposed to be healing.
If there's one good thing about Sabretooth crashing my reunion with Logan,
it's getting the healing thing. I killed him, I have his powers, so
I should be healing. Thank God I learned how to keep out their personalities-well,
mostly. After those first few minutes, I got most of him out.
I feel a little more growly than usual, but I'm mostly me. Well, me
ya feel?" Speaking of Logan - he looks horrible. He's-he's been
gone eighteen months, and I guess I should expect him to look different or
act different, but he just looks awful.
huh, kid?" Good, at least he's joking. At least he's not totally pissed
that he came back to find me on the team. And in the middle of a battle
with Sabretooth and Magneto and Mystique and half the Brotherhood.
A battle that he jumped right into and almost got himself killed in and-"Look,
we gotta talk."
as you're feelin' better, we're gonna get the hell outta here, all right?
I shoulda never-I shoulda never left, and especially not for so long."
O-OK. Guess that short answer and sad eyes means he didn't find anything
Maybe if I reach out and-whoa! He's squeezing my hand pretty tight.
And he's wearing gloves-oh, that's right-he doesn't know. He just got
back and with all the commotion, no one must've told him. "Um, Logan.
I-I learned to control it. My skin. You don't need the gloves.
I-uh-Logan?" He looks just-just wild and I could swear he's about to
kiss me or something. Which wouldn't be at all bad, except that he
can't possibly be as totally, head-over-heels in love with me as I am with
him. And-is he? He's climbing in bed with me, on top of me-and-whoa!
He is kissing me! I-I-I-that's just-that's just incredible. That's
me, Marie. We've-we're gonna get outta here and I swear to God I'll
take care of you and love you and keep you safe, baby, all right?"
All I can do is nod-I wonder if this is some kind of frighteningly good dream.
I'd say it had to be, except that kiss felt pretty damn real to me. Wait.
Did he say he loved me? Something must be off, something must be off
Yeah." Oh-oh. Now he looks like he's not so sure about doing
what he just did. "I-uh, I didn't mean to go all nuts there, I-"
it. And, uh, yeah. Let's-let's get out of here. Let's-all
that stuff sounded pretty good to me." He's smiling-actually smiling!
"Especially, you know, the love part. That would be pretty good."
you love me too, Marie." Oh God, if I knew getting almost killed would
make him this open, I'd have done it before.
me." I know why he's asking that-he thinks it's too good to be true
me to." God, this is so good, so right, so perfect. "I love you
a lot." He's easing down a little, bringing his body closer but keeping
his weight off me. "But Logan-what-what brought all this on?"
dreamin' about us when I was out. In every one, every single one, we
wound up together. I can take a hint, darlin'." He just can't
keep from touching me, kissing me. Little kisses, gentle touches.
"Did you dream 'bout anythin' while I was waitin' for ya to wake up?"
I dreamt that he came home and I kind of just attacked him as soon as he
walked in the door. Actually, that one was pretty x-rated. "Um,
just, you know, about you, uh, generally." He knows I'm hiding something,
and he can probably guess what.
up to showin' me any of it? You know, generally."
rest a little. Let me rest and then I'll show you."
God, I love
how he just spoons around me, just staying so close and holding me so right.
"All right, then. You sleep. You sleep and get some rest."
And dream. After all, I didn't get to do *everything* I wanted in that
x-rated dream, right?