Chasing Home

Title:  Chasing Home
Author:  Terri
Rating:  PG-13
Archive:  WRFA, Dolphin Haven, Peep Hut  and wherever Heather's 'Firefly' alights ;)
Disclaimer:  I don't own them.  Not even Hank.  Poo.
Feedback:  Please?  Pretty please?  Good, bad, and ugly welcome.
Summary:  Sequel/companion piece to Heather's Firefly.  How does Logan react when Marie's the one who's gone?
Comments:  First of all  darn you, Heather, darn you to heck!  You unleashed a mighty bunny with this one.  Second of all  much thanks to Heather for letting me run with this bunny and for writing such a superb story in Firefly.  It really got me right in the heart, and I wanted to make it all better for Marie.  That didn't exactly happen here, and I'm sure you're all shocked that my original intentions for this bunny went awry ;)  Lastly...I liked writing Pissy'Ro  you may see more of her from me down the road :)


"Where is she?"  

"Ah, you're back.  Lovely."

"Where's Marie?" 

"She is not here."

"Yeah, I can see that.  Where is she?"

"How long has it been, Logan?  Four weeks?  Five?  No, no, it has been six."

"Look, I know you got a bug up your ass 'bout me goin' off, but that's personal between me and Marie.  Do you mind tellin' me just where the hell she is?"

"She is out."

"Dammit, 'Ro  "

"She is not something that exists for your convenience, Logan.  She is her own person with her own life.  It should not surprise you so that she is out attending to it in your absence." 

"What're you talkin' 'bout, her life?"

"You know, her life, that thing that she usually makes revolve around you despite your inability to give her anything remotely resembling the same courtesy."

"If you're not gonna tell me where she went, just say it, 'Ro.  I'll get it outta someone.  I know she's not at the store or somethin'.  She woulda been back by now.  Plus, she took some of her stuff.  Where'd she go?"

"Perhaps if she wished for you to know she would have left a note, or instructed one of us to tell you.  Perhaps we would do so if we were so inclined."

"Are you sayin' she lit outta here and didn't want me to know where she was goin'?"

"*Sigh*.  No.  Logan, sit down."

"I ain't sittin'.  Fuck that.  Tell me where she is right now.  You know somethin'  I can smell it on ya."

"She went back home."

"Dammit, I toldya, she's not at our house, she  "

"Her ancestral home, Logan, Mississippi.  Her mother has passed away.  The funeral is tomorrow.  She and Hank left two nights ago."

"her mom's dead?"


"And she took Hank to the funeral?"

"Do not give me that tone, *Wolverine* .  You were not here.  She was not inclined to interrupt your  whatever it is that you find more important than her.  She took the news very hard, and, well, in her state, Scott and I insisted that someone accompany her on the trip down.  We both volunteered.  She selected Hank."

"I'm outta here."

"Logan  if I were you, I would not follow her to Mississippi.  She is dealing with enough trauma and stress as it is.  Wait for her to return.  She should be back in a few days.  Let her have some time for herself, in the same way she so often indulges you.  Logan, if I were you, I would not follow her."

"Yeah, well, you ain't me, 'Ro.  Later."

"I still do not quite understand, I admit, but I do admire your ability to love Logan so wholly, and without reservation."  I do not 'get it,' no, but if I were honest with myself I would admit that I envied it.  I doubt that, should I ever find a true love one day, I would ever leave them for any length of time voluntarily.  I have been too long deprived of such affections.  I could not imagine abandoning them for any reason, let alone one as seemingly trite as 'needing one's space.'

"He loves me the same way.  I know he does.  It's just."


"It's hard sometimes.  Even if I wouldn't trade him for anything, even if I'd never want to change him, even if I know, really *know,* how much he loves me, sometimes it just doesn't make it any easier."

"You miss him."

"Terribly.  Every second.  But I know he needs to be gone." 

"I am sure that he will return soon."  Hmm.  Just a shrug.  Oh, dear.  She  she cannot be worried that he will not return in time for 

"As long as it's before April 28th."  Oh dear.  "Ready?"

"Do not worry about me.  I am here to support you.  I know reading the eulogy and getting through this day will not be easy."

"Thanks, Hank.  You're a good friend."  I only wish there was more that I could do than stand by her side throughout this day.  Indeed, not for the first time in my life, I heartily wish that I were less conspicuous.  I know well her family's feelings toward mutants, and having a large one of the blue-furred variety will only send more prejudiced and rude remarks Marie's way today, the day on which she is perhaps least able to deal with them.  I suppose that I should count myself fortunate that the more understanding members of her family predominate on her mother's side.  Her father's side has nearly entirely boycotted the affair.  All the more reason for Marie to have my support on this difficult day, I suppose.  "OK.  I'm ready." 

Fuckin' highways.  Fulla nothin' but truckers and tourists and you'd think that by this time, people would be done with their damn vacations.  It's October already. 

Not too much longer anyhow.  Just a coupla hundred more miles.  Wish Marie woulda left a number or somethin', some way to get in touch with her, so she'd know I was on the way.  All 'Ro had  or maybe all she'd give me  was the name of the funeral home and the cemetery.  Long as I get there before they put her in the ground, I still got a chance of catchin' Marie.

Hank  why'd she bring Hank, that's what I don't get.  That's what I don't like.  She coulda brought 'Ro  she said herself that she volunteered.  I guess Jeannie mighta hadta stay at the mansion, bein' the doc and all, but Marie coulda easily brought Jubes or Kitty if she didn't want 'Ro.  They never do nothin'.  They hadta be available.  But no, she picked Hank. 

Not like I got anythin' against the guy.  I don't.  Just that  well, he's a guy.  And I know Marie would never, ever in a million years cheat, but why'd she pick Hank for this?  He's a big, obvious mutant  just about as big and obvious as they come  and the deep south ain't exactly a hotbed of mutant rights enlightenment, if ya know what I mean.  I know how her family is  hell, they kicked her out.  So why bring Hank, who's only gonna get the family all riled up?  Not to mention that she'd better hope none of the local Klan gets wind of this.  Christ, that could get real ugly, real fast. 

No, I don't get what she was thinkin' there  maybe she was too overcome with grief or somethin' to be thinkin' straight.  I know she liked her mom, even after everythin'.  I know she'll miss her.  Shit, I wish she woulda just called me, you know?  She coulda used the big round room, got Chuck or Jeannie to dial me up, and I woulda been home, lickety-split.  Marie, she's good 'bout not botherin' me when I'm on the road, she knows what I'm like and what I need, but she shoulda known that for this, she coulda called.  I woulda come home.  I woulda.

"I know you're probably wondering what to think about everything I've told you.  I know some parts, you'd be happy about, mama.  I know most of it  well, you wouldn't approve.  I like to think that you loved me, you know, despite everything and that wherever you are, you'd want me to be happy."

"And Logan does make me happy, mama, really happy.  He's probably not who you had in mind for me  you always used to talk about me being a minister's wife, and nobody will ever mistake him for a holy man.  But, mama, I love him so much, so much more than I ever thought it was in me to love anybody.  I wonder sometimes, you know, if you loved daddy like that, if that's why you stayed with him.  Maybe that was why you never put up a fight when he kicked me out, I don't know.   I don't know if it's right to love someone like that, to love them so much that you'd give up part of yourself just to have them.  My friends, the people I live with  most of them think I'm getting a raw deal with Logan, that he hurts me when he leaves and that I don't deserve that.  I don't know about all that.  I just know that I love him with everything I've got, and mama, I don't want to give that love up, no matter what."

"Hank, you met him today, at the funeral, he's the only one who doesn't fret me over Logan.  I don't think he really understands the whole thing any better than anyone else, or any better than I do.  But Hank, he's the kind of friend that just supports you, you know?  I needed that now, especially since Logan couldn't be here to meet you, you know, before they put you in the ground.  I needed that.  I needed to just have some support.  I couldn't have taken all the sad looks and concerned speeches, not now.  Besides, your favorite color was always blue"

"I know the family still isn't too wild about me being a mutie.  Marrying one, living with mutants, bringing one here  I'm sure that hasn't helped to change their mind.  But I was still your daughter.  I'm still part of this family, whether they like it or not.  I want to have something, mama, something to hold on to, something normal.  And I'm not going to give up being a part of the family, even if they don't want me in it.  At least not at the big times  I don't have to come to Christmas dinner, I don't have to be at Uncle Joe's annual barbeque, but when something big happens to the family, I'll be damned if I'm going to stay away.  They're my kin, like you used to say.  There's nobody else in the world who's my kin, so I'm stuck with them, just like they're stuck with me."

"Some of them haven't been too bad.  Cousin Mae was very nice to Hank, and all the kids really got a kick out of him.  Uncle Tim was nice, Aunt Billie too.  I'm sure you would've been polite to Hank, you know, now that Dad's gone.  I bet you would've even been real nice to me too."

"I don't know why you never called, never phoned, never wrote.  I would've liked that.  I understood why you didn't, while dad was still around.  I know he would've  well, we both know what he would've been like if he ever found out.  But for two years he's been gone, and you still..I guess maybe we shouldn't talk about that, huh?  You never did like talking about the hard things."

"I guess the long and the short of it is, mama, that I'll miss you.  And that I loved you, a lot, even though I know you didn't love me best.  I wasn't the one you loved best in your whole life, and I guess you're not that in my life either.  But I still did love you.  And I'll miss you.  Goodbye, mama."

Talk 'bout the nick of fuckin' time  there they are, comin' over the hill.  I just barely caught 'em before they left the cemetery.  Well, at least I caught 'em.  Gotta put this thing in park and get my ass out.

"Marie!  Marie!"

"Logan?"  Yeah, darlin'.  Everythin's OK now, I'm here.  "What are you doing here?  How  didn't Storm tell you that  "

"She told me that your mom died, and that you went down south.  I'm sorry, Marie."

"Thanks."  She musta been cryin' up a storm.  Wonder if one of her family or some asshole was mean to her. 

"You OK?"

"I'll be fine."  Gotta hold her.  Gotta touch her.  Right now. 

"Logan."  Right  Hank.  "It is good to see you." 

"Yeah.  Thanks for, uh, goin' with Marie.  I'll take it from here, all right?"

"We were just headed back to the hotel to pack up and start the drive back.    I shall be happy to drive the Jeep back, Marie, if you would like to take some time here with Logan to  to visit with family."  Damn nice of Hank to 

"No.  It's  it's done.  She's buried.  We should  we should go."  Lookin' up at me.  She looks sad and happy all at once.  Well, that makes sense  sad 'bout her mom, but happy 'bout seein' me, I guess.  "Maybe I can take turns driving with both of you  it's too much to drive alone, Hank, and I'm the one who dragged you down here."

"No, it will be fine, I assure you."

"I'd feel better if we switched off.  OK, Logan?"  Whatever.  Somethin's  somethin's different 'bout her.  Her scent or her body  I dunno.  Somethin's definitely up with her.  "Logan?"

"What's wrong?"


"What's wrong with you?  Somethin' wrong?"

"Hmmm"  That ain't an answer, darlin'.  "Hank, can we meet you back at the hotel.  I should talk to Logan."

"Certainly.  Take your time."  Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Bye, Hank.

"Marie  "

"I'm so glad to see you.  Welcome home."  She always says that when I get back.  But we ain't exactly home now.  Still, Marie  she's my home, so I guess that counts. 

"Wish you woulda called me."  Nothin', no reply to that, just a smile.  "I woulda come back."

"I know."

"Why didn't ya call?"

"I didn't want to.  I know you need to be away."

"But, Marie  "

"I have to tell you something, OK?  I want you to sit down.  Here  let's just sit down on the ground, OK?"

"What's wrong?"  She's bein' fuck-all too coy about answerin' that question and she should know how crazy that makes me. 

"I think you would've liked my family.  They're not  they're not all a bunch of mutant-hating loonies, you know.  We're actually a pretty good family.  We have a good history  brave officers in the War Between the States, inventors, artists, musicians.  There's a lot of good there to go along with the bad." 

"You wish I woulda been here to meet 'em, huh?"

"I wish you could've met my mom.  She was  she was actually a lot like me in some ways."

"Then I woulda loved her."  Looks so sad now.  God, she's gonna cry, right now.  "Darlin', you know I love you.  I love you more than anythin', more than my own life.  It's not  I don't hafta leave 'cause of you  it's not to get away from you, it's just somethin' I need, for me.  It's just somethin' in me, somethin' I hafta let out every now and then.  You're in my heart every minute of every day, whether I'm with ya or not, Marie.  I'll never stop lovin' you, no matter what.  I just  I hafta go sometimes.  I thought you knew that, darlin'.  I thought you understood, but if  "

"I do understand, Logan.  I do."  Well, OK, but then why all the sad and all the tearin' up?

"But you still smell worried."

"I just  I'm not sure how I'm going to make our baby understand all that."

"Oh, darlin', if we ever have kids, we can  "  Shit.  *Shit.*  Not 'if,' Logan you dumbass.  It's now.  That's what she's tryin' to tell you.  It's now.  We're havin' a kid now.  That's why she smells different, that's why she's lookin' at me like that, with those big bright eyes and that little almost-smile.  "You're pregnant?"  Noddin'.  "Really?"  More noddin'.  "You OK?"

"I'm fine."

"How long?"  Just a smile.  Well, that was another dumb question.  I know how long  since when I left or shortly before.  "Oh, darlin'.."  Gotta hold her.  We've been wantin' this for so long. 

"I'm due at the end of April."

"Oh, Mariedarlin', you're gonna have my baby."  Noddin' against my chest and now she's finally huggin' me back.  "We're gonna have a little baby.  Ours."

"Mmm-hmmm.  Ours."

"That's why  that's  you don't want me to go off anymore.   That's why, huh?"

"No."  Lookin' me straight in the eye for this.  "It's not that I don't want you to go off anymore, it's really not.  I'd never ask you not to go, or make you feel like you couldn't or like I'd be mad if you did.  Never.  But, Logan  I know what it's like when you're not the most important thing in your parents' lives.  I just  we have to find a way to make our baby understand about you going away.  I don't want her to feel like it's because of her or that you don't love her and I don't know how to  to do that.  I'm scared.  I want to make things better for her than it was for me."

Aw, darlin'.  My Marie.  "So it's a girl, is it?"

"I don't know.  I'm just guessing.  But, Logan  "

"I know, darlin'.  I know.  We'll  we'll figure it out.  I will.  It's on me.   But you  you don't hafta worry 'cause that little baby  that little girl is gonna be so loved, Marie, so loved.  It's a part of you, of us, and I could never do anythin' but love it, darlin'.  I'm gonna take care of it and give it whatever it needs.  I promise."  There.  There we go, she just slumped right against me.  That's what she needed to hear.  I know my wife.  And I know how to take care of her, no matter what people think.  'Ro, Scooter, probably even Hank  they don't really know how we are, what really goes on between us.  I can take care of my wife, and our child is gonna get nothin' but love.  It's gonna be well cared for, I swear it.  Who cares what everybody else thinks anyway?  I got Marie.  She understands me and I'm gonna be sure that I understand her too, that I give her what she needs.  "C'mon, darlin', let's get goin', huh?  I wanna head back home."

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