After-Eighteen:  A Sort of Homecoming

Title:  Alter-Eighteen:  A Sort of Homecoming  Author:  Terri E-mail:  xgrrl26@yahoo.com Rating:  NC-17 Disclaimer:  I don't own any of them except Sam.  And I'm keeping him - he's a cutie.  :) Archive:  WRFA, Dolphin Haven, Peep Hut - anyone else, please ask and I'll happily provide :) Feedback:  Please?  Pretty please?  Good, bad, and ugly welcome. Summary:  Sequel to Alter-Eighteen:  A Sort of Homecoming, which can be found at the Peep Hut if you haven't read it :)  Logan and Marie find themselves back at the mansion after their cabin life is interrupted, and they find out that that's not such a bad thing. Comments:  This one has been in the works for a while, and whew, am I ever glad that it's finally finished ;)  A couple of things - the AE that this was based on turned out to be one of the most controversial fics I've written.  There were a wide variety of interpretations of it, and it generated many a flame back in its day ;)  But the idea I was going for was - how much would you give to someone you loved and how far would you go on faith without knowing the 'why' of what your lover needed?  So, if you had problems with the original story, I'll warn you now - Don't Read This One.  Although I think (hope) this one is less generally objectionable, I've found that I'm a very poor judge of what gets people's goat, so if you didn't like reading the previous one, for the love of all that is holy, Stop Here.  This sequel explores similar themes around what love is, and how to deal with someone in Logan's situation, and therefore, there's an excellent chance that you may not like it any better than you did the first one.   Ahem, there.  Consider yourself warned and read at your own risk ;)  Have I forgotten anything?  Oh yes, you must be this tall to ride, please keep your hands inside the fic, and do not feed the big blue doctor twinkies.  Void where prohibited.  No parking on the shoulder.  IN residents must pay 5% fic tax in the form of peeps.  I think that should cover it, on with the fic ;) ------------------------------------------------------- They'd been living at the cabin for almost a year when it happened.  Logan had made steady progress, Marie thought, and even if he still was hostile to strangers on the rare occasions they made their way into town, he was much more relaxed and normal with her than he had been at first.  He'd even managed a gruff 'I love you' in the past few weeks, which Marie thought was very promising.  It had been a quiet day, which wasn't unusual.  Marie had spent most of it cooking, making various breads and dishes for the week ahead.  She liked to do all her cooking over the weekend, leaving the week to devote to helping Logan cut wood, hunt, or explore the mountainside.  Logan was sound asleep when they burst through the front door, leaving Marie to face them alone in the kitchen.  She knew right away who they were - they all bore the trademark shaved head and over- muscled build of FOH recruits.  They weren't subtle, as government doctors or even the Brotherhood might've been.  They'd probably heard the rumors that there were a couple of muties living on the mountain, despoiling their otherwise 'pure human' mountain community.   She yelled out a warning to Logan, but her scream was quickly cut short by one of the cadre of six that had crashed through her door.  He grabbed her around the throat, whispered something about teaching her a lesson about shacking up with mutie freaks, and threw her to the couch, with a kick to her side for good measure.  She would've fought back, except she knocked her head very hard on the side table as she went down, grimacing at hearing the sound of her own skull crack loudly as she did.  Everything seemed suddenly fuzzy and she fought to hold on to consciousness. She drifted in and out, seeing and hearing only flashes every few seconds or so - the man moving to be on top of her, grinning a gap-toothed smile, the scent of his sweat and cheap cologne, the sound of fighting coming from their bedroom, the feeling of warm, sticky wetness trickling through her scalp and down the side of her cheek.  She fought harder to stay conscious, but the pain and fogginess in her head were severe.  Think, Marie, she instructed herself, think.  Only one thought came to her - Logan. She wasn't very worried about him - if she was correct and they were FOH, they wouldn't be armed with the drugs the government had access to, and Logan, especially an enraged Logan, was more than a match for five of them even if they were armed.  In fact, she thought, they probably wouldn't know what, exactly, Logan's powers were, and may not have come very well armed at all.  They may not even know he's a mutant for sure, he might've just gotten tarred with that label because he acts so strangely in town.  No, she wasn't worried much about Logan's ability to best the men, she was worrying about how this would affect him afterward.  She didn't want him to lose the progress he had made, but this attack wouldn't make it any easier to help him return to normal. "Look at me, ya mutie lovin' whore."  Marie's attention returned to the man now atop her.  Judging from the way he was stripping off his leather gloves and unbuttoning his pants, he certainly didn't know what her powers were.  Her blood-stained head shifted and she made a lopsided smile at the thought of the surprise he was about to get. "What're you smilin' about, bitch?  I'm gonna - "  Marie watched as the man abruptly stopped speaking and looked down at his chest.  Marie followed his eyes down, wondering along the way why she couldn't feel the pull if he'd hit bare skin somewhere.  When her eyes reached the surreal sight of the business end of three metal knives jutting out of the front of his chest, she gasped a little before realizing it was Logan - they were Logan's claws.  Her eyes drifted shut and back open, this time seeing the man torn in half, the top part flying off to her left and the bottom part to her right.  A frantic, blood and gore soaked Logan appeared behind the departing body parts.  Marie smiled a little at him before everything went black. When she awoke, she felt much better, that was the first thing that registered.  Then, an incredibly strong, unpleasant mix of odors hit her.  Blood, death, urine and feces seemed to be in the mix.  It smelled so strong that Marie thought at first she must be surrounded by it, immersed in it.  But as she slowly sat up and tried to clear her head, she only saw blood spattering the cabin.  After looking around for a few seconds, she saw the bodies of two of the FOH attackers in the living room and began to remember what had happened.  "Logan?" She smelled for him - wondering even as she did it why that was her initial reaction, and soon found him, collapsed on the floor directly behind her, the one place not within her line of vision upon waking.  "Oh, God¼"  She shook him a little, and getting no response, bent to check his heart beat and breathing.  Finding both to be even and regular, she calmed a bit.  Whatever had happened, he was healing.  He was going to be OK.  Wait a minute, what *had* happened to him?  He'd been winning against all the FOH, and - Suddenly, the answer dropped into her head - he'd touched her.  He'd seen her head injury and touched her.  The bits of him now rumbling to the surface in her head confirmed it.  "Oh, Logan¼.."  She knelt beside him again, stroking his blood-soaked hair.   "You shouldn't have done that."  She wasn't as upset as she might've been - he *was* healing, and she knew well how protective he was of her - but a few tears leaked out nonetheless.  Before she could think about what to do next, her half-broken door swung open.  Marie tensed for a fight, but the swinging, battered oak panels revealed a tall man in black leather wearing glasses - Scott, her brain finally supplied.  "Good God," he whispered, stepping into the cabin.  "I - I thought we could make it in time, but....." His eyes found the severed torso of the man who'd attacked Marie.  "Good God," he repeated. "Scott - help him.  He - he touched me."  At that, Jean appeared over Scott's shoulder.  Before she knew it, Marie let out a soft growl.  She smiled apologetically at Jean, who frowned back at her.  The doctor was soon kneeling at Logan's side, checking his pulse and breathing.  "He'll be OK," Jean pronounced.  "Rogue, what the hell happened here?" "FOH, I think.  Idiots."  Scott knelt to examine part of one of the corpses, and began rifling though the denim jacket worn by the now-headless torso, in search of identification.  "I must've hit my head when that one pushed me down, and Logan touched me to heal it.  Jean, I think he hung on a really long time.  I - I still have his powers." "What?" "I can smell you," Marie illuminated.  "And I'd be willing to bet that my arms itch so much because there are claws in them.  I've still got his powers." Jean frowned again at that, as Scott finally located a wallet for the man.  "Rogue, if you have his powers, still, they could be a permanent addition.  You could've killed him, Rogue, don't you understand that?"  Scott gingerly placed the wallet back in the man's jacket and turned to Jean with a grimace on his face as she continued her explanation.  "You got lucky - he's recovering - but taking that much from him could've easily killed him.  And now you might be stuck with his powers permanently."  "Oh my," Marie sighed.  They all were silent for several long moments, each trying to absorb the situation.  When Jean seemed about to say something more, Scott interrupted in a gentle tone, "Get your things together, Rogue.  You shouldn't stay here, not now.  We've got the blackbird, we can take you back to the mansion.  We'll - we'll take care of the bodies."  Rogue nodded grimly, and set about gathering their things.  Logan woke in a familiar-yet-not room to the sound of breathing and the smell of Marie.  That was an immense relief, and her face looming into his line of vision as he lay prone was even better.  "Hey.  Are you feeling OK?"  Logan nodded gruffly, then grabbed her and wrapped both arms tightly around her, securing her to him.  "It's OK.  Everything's OK," she soothed as she returned his embrace. "I hafta keep you with me.  I hafta have you close.  I hafta keep you safe."  Marie nodded, and Logan brusquely pushed her head back with both hands.  "I hafta fix you.  You got hurt and I hafta fix you."  He drew her face toward his, an iron grip holding her head.  Marie panicked a little, and chastised herself for not anticipating this reaction.  "No, Logan, no, don't!"  But before the words reached him, he'd touched her forehead to his.  He grimaced as he held her in place, forcing the skin-to-skin contact, but the pain and pull he was bracing against didn't come.  Nothing did.  Absolutely nothing.  No pull, no pain, nothing.  Marie blinked once, then twice, and Logan let out a frustrated growl. "I hafta fix you!" he insisted, pressing his forehead to hers more tightly. "Nothing's happening," Marie whispered, awestruck.  "Oh my God!  My skin, it's not hurting you."  Seeing Logan's growing frustration at the situation, she found his eyes.  "Logan, you're touching me - you're touching me and you're OK.  It's not hurting you." "Gotta fix you," he repeated, pressing his cheek to hers this time and still holding her tightly to him.  "Mmph!"  The grunt of frustration as he seemingly willed her skin to work nearly made Marie laugh, but she could hear and feel Logan's heart pounding.  She knew she had to reassure him before a full-fledged panic set in.  "It's OK, it's OK, I'm all fixed.  You fixed me when you touched me before.  Oh, Logan, I think you must've held on too long - you - you gave me your powers and now - now I think you can touch me.  You can touch me."  Her lips spread into a smile and he seemed to be registering some of what she said, or at least that her demeanor wasn't one of pain or stress.  "It's OK, Logan, I'm OK." "I hafta keep you close to me.  You belong to me." "That's right," Marie affirmed, feeling him relax just a little.  "I'm OK and I'm going to stay close to you.  I love you."  His hazel eyes flared at that and his hands slid down her back, coming to rest at her buttocks and pressing her hips into his.  The knowledge that they could touch now, without barriers, reasserted itself in Marie's mind and brought along with it several vivid possible applications of that knowledge.  Before she knew it, she'd made a little wiggle of her hips against his, and she felt him grow hard in response.  "I love you, Logan."  He was obviously confused, not quite assimilating the change yet, but he also was equally as obviously moved by her words.  "Say it again.  Say it some more." "I love you."  It came out in a compliant whisper and was followed by a kiss - her bare lips on his.  "I love you so much."  Another kiss punctuated her declaration and this time, Logan hungrily opened his mouth to hers and delved inside with his tongue, eliciting a small moan from her.  Marie moaned into his mouth and encouraged him to keep going.  But at that point, he broke the kiss and rearranged her on the bed.  "Love you," Marie mumbled again before finding herself on her back, beneath Logan.  He loomed above her, gazing intently at her.  He'd definitely liked the touching and the kisses without a cloth barrier between them.  But something was nagging at the back of his mind.  It was this room - he remembered this room.  He'd been in it before, with Marie.  In fact, now that he thought about it, it was the room they'd first been together in when he'd come back for her.  Memories of his roughness with her that night came rushing back as everything clicked into place.  He frowned deeply, and forced himself to calm a bit. That night was never far from his thoughts, and he didn't want to repeat his mistake, no matter how much his body and the animal parts of him screamed to take his suddenly-touchable mate hard, and now.  He couldn't make the same horrible mistake twice.  He couldn't do that to Marie again.  Taking another deep breath, he tried to reach back in his mind for how he'd wanted it to be for her, how he'd spent long hours wishing it had been.  "Logan?"  She'd noticed his trepidation, his hesitation, and her scent said that she was worried.  Logan changed his frown to an almost-smile to reassure her.  "You OK?" He nodded.  It was frustrating, at times like this, times when he couldn't summon the words he wanted.  He wanted to tell her he loved her, very much, and that this - them touching - could be a new beginning for them, a chance to redo that awful first time and make it like he'd wanted it to be, to make it like she deserved.  But, as usual, only some of the words would come from his scarred mind.  "I hafta keep you close.  You belong to me.  I'm gonna - I'm gonna make you mine, Marie.  The right way this time." "Logan?" "I hafta make you mine."  Marie nodded and her eyes became soft with acceptance and love.  Paradoxically, it made Logan want to scream - she didn't need that, he wanted to tell her, she didn't need to be forgiving and accepting because it was going to be different this time.  It was going to be good for her, and the only thing he wanted her to be was pleasured, and loved.  He huffed, realizing that all that would never come out right, and he finally gave up on the words in favor of a gentle kiss.  His lips pressed to hers very lightly once, then again.  Marie kissed back harder, confused, but Logan shushed her a little and kept on kissing her very gently.  He spent more time than ever before doing this, and eventually, Marie's body relaxed in his arms and she gave herself over to his pace.    The pace of things wasn't exactly easy on Logan either.  His body was on fire for her, but he was determined to go slow, to make this last, to cherish her instead of defiling her this time.  Maybe, he thought, just maybe, if he was lucky, this would be the time she remembered more.  He continued kissing her, stroking her hair and face as he did, trying to convey his care and tenderness.  When they finally parted, and Marie began unbuttoning her clothes, still holding his gaze.  He swallowed hard, then followed her lead and undressed them both.  Logan knew that now was the time to say something - now, when she was looking at him so solemnly.  He had to try with the words, he had to at least try.  Marie deserved that, deserved whatever nice words he could muster even if they wouldn't be enough.  "You're the only one for me.  You're beautiful, Marie, really beautiful.  And special.  I hafta keep you close.  I need you with me.  I'm gonna - I'm gonna take care of you now, make it right for before.  I'm so sorry about that.  I just gotta - I'm gonna take care of you now." She didn't respond, but she seemed to get his meaning.  She always managed to understand what he was saying even when his words didn't quite communicate it.  Soft hands framed his face, and she pulled him to her for a tender but sensual kiss.  "Go ahead, sugar.  Take care of me." He dropped his head to her neck, licking and kissing and relishing in the hum of her pulse, so close to the skin there.  Slowly, his lips made their way to her breasts, breasts that always seemed so full and inviting to him.  Marie was always responsive when he touched her there, and he loved drawing her pleasure to the surface.  Like always, he wanted to give her the things she liked when they were together, only he wanted to do it slower, gentler, better this time.  His moist, hot tongue flicked out, teasing her nipple.  Marie squirmed and moaned, and for the first time, Logan let out a real smile.  He soon suckled at her breasts in earnest, paying attention to each in turn, while his hands roamed the rest of her warm, willing body, leaving trails of pleasure wherever they went.   Making sure to canvas every inch of her with his mouth, palms, and tongue, Logan slowly worked his way south, gently parting her legs then settling himself comfortably between them.  He'd always loved having her this way - he loved the overwhelming taste and scent of her desire, desire that was astonishing to him still.  She was always thick, almost creamy, and he liked to think that it was because she so loved his ministrations.  He would've been right - Marie delighted in having him pleasure her this way, and this time was no exception.  As the slick, strong muscle that was his tongue moved slowly over her, she uninhibitedly began moaning and writhing.  "Oh, yes, sugar, please....ooohhhh....."  He lapped at her until he felt her draw close, until he felt every muscle in her hips and legs tense.  He continued to pleasure her, increasing the pressure and speed with which his mouth worked its magic on her body.  She was soon grunting and moaning unintelligible things, a sign that her climax was imminent.  The demands of Logan's body were becoming increasingly urgent, nearly unbearable, so as soon as he felt Marie spasm and arch with the force of her orgasm, he wasted no time in moving to enter her.  He did so in one smooth movement, eased along by the ample evidence of her satisfaction.  For a moment, he luxuriated in the feel of finally, *finally* being bare and inside her, but soon he got a hold on his surging emotions and focused once again on making this time better for Marie.  A thought entered his mind - he knew she liked it when he kissed her as they made love, and he hadn't done that their other time together, not at all.  In fact, he'd bitten her, and hard enough to draw blood.  Frowning a little at the memory as he sought to correct it, he nuzzled against her face until he found her lips and engaged them in a sensual kiss.  Marie welcomed him with her mouth and with her body and he soon picked up a steady rhythm.  Marie rocked with him and he nearly lost control, but managed to barely hang on.  Gently stilling her motions and restraining the urge to lose himself in her, to just let go, he continued his even pace, and focusing on prolonging her pleasure, on bringing her to completion again.  Marie seemed to sense his need and his struggle.  For her part, she seemed to want his passion, his pleasure more than she wanted her own.  He felt her tiny hands slide from his back to his buttocks as she urged him deeper inside her.  "Unnnh!"  Logan felt himself teetering on the edge, and Marie began whispering in his ear, urging him to give in and relinquish the fight.  "Love you, Logan, so much.  It's so good with you, sugar.  Just let go.  I need you, I love you, please Logan, just let go." "Unnhhhh!!"  He heeded her whispered words and began moving more frantically, deeper and harder.  "Grrrr!" Marie splayed her legs wider and began rocking with him again, seeking her own release.  They both tumbled into completion within seconds of each other, with Logan thrusting sharply upward and forward at the end, raising her hips off the bed and filling every last centimeter of her with himself.  As he relented, Marie collapsed back into the bed, her body dissolving into languid ease with the aftermath of her second intense climax.  There were no words that would come to either of them as they lay entangled together on the bed.  What they'd just given each other was too profound for words, and any diluted communication of the emotions would only seem somehow an insult.  Logan rolled to his back, taking Marie with him and holding himself inside her.  He cradled her in his arms, rocking her gently a bit before burrowing them in to a comfortable spot and closing his eyes in satisfaction and exhaustion. As was usual after sex, she simply let him rest, this time cherishing their continued connection, the feel of his warm flesh, and the gush of thick, sticky wetness inside her.  They were entirely new sensations, ones Marie hadn't ever thought she'd feel in quite this way.  It brought tears to her eyes, and she trembled a little, in awe of the gifts given her.  Logan's arms instinctively squeezed her tighter, and she shifted so that her ear was over his heart.  Listening to his strong, reassuring heartbeat, Marie finally let herself drift off as well, feeling more content, more whole than she could ever remember being.  Logan awoke to the very pleasant feeling of being surrounded by a naked Marie.  Somewhere along the way, she'd eased him out of her body, but they were still pressed as closely as two people could be.  More importantly to Logan, she was smelling not only very satisfied physically but also very happy emotionally.  He only hoped it was enough, that the tenderness he'd given her would be enough to push back some of what must be her horrible memories of their first time together.  Oh, Marie always said not to worry, that she understood about that time, but in his heart, Logan knew that it would always be with her in some way, that it would always be a scar, an abomination on their relationship.  He cursed his swiss-cheese mind for not permitting him more eloquence on the subject.  He would've liked to talk with her, really talk with her, about how she felt about it.  Her reassurances were appreciated, to be sure, but he longed to hear more than that from her, to have her yell at him or cry to him or something, anything that would help her exorcise the emotional burden she must be carrying.  The object of his concern shifted in his arms and blinked open sleepy eyes to look up at him.  "Good morning." "Mornin'.  You sleep good?"  What he really wanted to say was - Marie, I love you; Marie, I wanted to give you my whole heart and soul last night; Marie, please forgive me for not making it like this before, please forgive me for not being the same as I was when you first met me; Marie, please take whatever you need from me, please just let me give to you.  He huffed, stubbornly willing his brain to cooperate a little better.  "You OK from last night?" "Very OK.  And I've never slept so well in my life."  She shifted a little more, propping herself up and smiling at him.  "I really like waking up with you like this, touching all over." "I hafta have you close to me."  She nodded, and began stroking his chest.  "You're the only one." "You're the only one for me too," Marie purred.  "And the way you touched me last night was amazing."  She paused, seemingly taking a moment to read his expression.  "It was like a beautiful dream, you know?  Like one of the best dreams.  It was just perfect, Logan, just perfect.  No one but you could ever touch me like that."  He knew she meant that more than literally and his gaze became serious.  "You took care of me, sugar, just like you always do.  I really love you." "Say it again."  He wasn't sure why he couldn't say it back to her, couldn't make the words come from his mouth.  He thought that maybe they'd done it to him, maybe they hadn't wanted him to know things like love or trust or happiness ever again.  The joke turned out to be on them - Marie had already made that impossible; from the very day she'd met him, he'd been flooded with all those good things - but he nonetheless couldn't yet make his brain and mouth cooperate to make what he felt come out in words.  Judging by her soft look and gentle caresses, though, she understood somehow that he felt it even if he couldn't say it.  Logan was obscenely grateful for that.  "I love you."  To her, the words came easily, and Logan was grateful for that too.  Every time she said them, he felt almost normal again, almost whole.  He knew it was as close as he was ever likely to come.   "I love you." "Gotta......gotta.....mph."  Marie smiled gently as he struggled to get what he wanted out.  She could tell it was important.  "Gotta take care of you.  Wanna be strong for you, good.  Especially now." "You are," Marie whispered, with more than a little emotion.  "You're my protector, my hero, my lover, my best friend.  You're the only one who's ever taken care of me, Logan, the only one.  You're the only one for me."  The last of it came out with conviction and was deliberately put in language she hoped he'd understand, but Logan huffed again in frustration.  "No," he said slowly.  "I'm not right," he ground out, producing the words from sheer will alone.  "I know that.  But I wanna be really good to you now." "You are," Marie reaffirmed.  "You're just right for me, Logan.  You're just right for me and none of the other things matter.  I need you with me, and I need you to take care of me, and you do.  You *do*."  Logan huffed again, but seemed disinclined to try any further discussion.  Marie kissed him, then rubbed noses with him, then kissed him again.  "I love you, Logan, and you're absolutely, perfectly right for me.  We're not - neither one of us is right for a lot of people, but we're right for each other.  You promised me on the train that you'd take care of me and you've kept that promise in spades.  You've kept it in big ways and little ones.  You've kept it every day of your life.  You came back from - from - "  She was starting to choke up now, starting to be overridden with emotion.  "- from the worst kind of hell, and you did it for me.  Logan, nothing in this whole world, nothing at all, could ever mean more to me than that.  Nothing."  Marie dropped her head to his once more, but this time only pressed her forehead to his.  "I - I'm sorry, I'm not saying it right.  But Logan, please believe me when I say you are taking care of me, you are good to me and strong." "OK," he whispered, more than a little awed by her heartfelt declarations.  He wanted to believe it - or, rather, he wanted to believe that she believed those things.  Even if he knew them not to be objectively true, his heart yearned to believe that Marie really did think that way.  "I'm gonna take care of you.  I hafta keep you close."  She nodded, and cuddled her body to his, curling around him and burying her face in his shoulder.  He cradled her close and rocked her a little, letting himself forget all the bad things for a moment.  He simply held her close and rocked her, and made the rest of the world, his past, and his fears recede behind her warmth and softness.  Their peace lasted for only a few moments before a knock on the door and the distinctive smell of something medical heralded Jean's arrival.  "Rogue?  Logan?  Are you two up yet?" They both grimaced at the interruption, but Rogue called out.  "We're up.  We're both fine.  I'll be down later." "The Professor would like to talk with both of you as soon as you're feeling up to it."  Rogue's nose twitched.  The scent Jean was giving off had changed slightly.  Logan seemed to pick up on it too, scrunching up his sensitive nose.  "Just let us know." "OK."  Logan pulled her back down to the bed.  "She smelled a little weird.  Or was that just my imagination?" "Mad.  She's mad 'bout somethin'."  Logan had an idea of what - he remembered how angry everyone had been the last time they'd been here because he didn't like sharing Marie with them.  He'd be willing to bet it was something similar this time.  They just didn't understand - she had to stay here, close to him.  He couldn't risk having her out of his sight, not for too long.  He couldn't risk her coming to harm or getting in trouble.  Look what had happened when he parted from her yesterday - they were in their own home, she was only a room away, but he wasn't right with her when she'd needed him, and she had gotten hurt.  He wasn't about to risk that again, especially not now.  "You hafta stay close to me, real close." "I will, sugar.  But we'll have to talk to the Professor sometime soon.  He probably wants to know - well, what we're going to do now."  He felt her arms wind around him and he could tell she was a little worried.  He didn't understand why, though - what they were going to do now was clear.  They were going to go back home.  Maybe she was nervous about telling him that.  "I'll say it to him - I'll say, we're goin' back home."  That brought her face up to look at him, and her expression put a new worry into his mind.  "We are goin' back home, right?" Marie smiled softly and seemed to search for the right words for a moment.  "That's an option.  We could go back home, but I'd be a little worried after the attack.  Those people, they were from town and I don't think we'd be welcome there anymore.  Even the people who don't buy into the prejudices of the FOH, well, I don't think they'd take too well to the deaths or disappearances of their neighbors.  Actually, I don't know what the Professor did about the situation - maybe - maybe he smoothed it all over somehow, I don't know.  I just - I don't want to take the risk of any more attacks." Logan didn't quite get everything she'd said, but he knew he definitely didn't want to risk any more attacks either.  That was the primary thing, keeping Marie safe.  But he yearned to go back home.  He'd felt OK there - safe, comfortable.  It was very important that they have those things. Marie seemed to be reading his discomfort.  "You know, there are other options.  For one, we could sell the land and buy a new lot or a new house somewhere else.  That might not be a bad idea."  Logan perked up at that suggestion, definitely.  "I can ask the Professor if he'd help us do that, help us sell the land and find a new spot for us to live." "I like that one." "Me too.  I'm sure - I'm almost sure the Professor is going to ask us to stay here.  I know you probably wouldn't like that one, huh?"  Logan shook his head in response.  "Me either.  I think we're better off on our own.  There's just too many people at the mansion, too much always going on.  I'd like to find somewhere really out of the way, somewhere remote, somewhere with almost no people.  Well, no people besides you and me." "And the baby."  That stopped Marie in her tracks.  She blinked at him a few times before finding her voice.  "Baby?" "Yeah." "Um, Logan - what baby?"  He could smell her fear rising along with her confusion.  Honestly, he didn't understand why she would be confused.  She should know better than he did.  Maybe he'd said it wrong.  "The baby we made last night, the one growin' inside you.  I hafta keep you close, Marie." "How - how do you know we - last night - " It suddenly clicked into place for Logan.  She hadn't known that Jean's scent meant mad and so she might not know that her own scent had changed.  It was very subtle, really - her body was only just beginning to change to accommodate the new life inside it - and her nose wasn't as practiced or as sensitive as his.  "I smell it.  You're the only one, Marie.  You belong to me.  The baby - the baby belongs to me too."  The last part came out in a halting, uncertain tone, as though he were trying out a new mantra.  When he saw her expression shift and smelled the worry bleed out of her scent, he repeated it.  "The baby belongs to me too." "Are you sure there's a baby in there?" Logan slid a hand between their entwined bodies and ran it over her stomach, then anchored it between her legs.  "Uh-huh.  I smell it." "So soon?" "Uh-huh.  I hafta keep you close, Marie."  She fell back onto his body, sinking into his arms.  Now she smelled happy and surprised and nervous all at once.  "Oh my God, a baby.  I - I didn't even think.  We could touch and it was so all of a sudden and I was so worried that I'd lost you or hurt you and I - "  She stopped, and looked up to him.  "We made a baby.  We're going to have a baby." "Uh-huh.  You belong to me.  The baby too."  He gave her an intimate stroke with the hand still nestled between her legs.  She shuddered, and pressed herself to him a little more tightly, but she also gave him a very serious look.  "Logan, this is - this is a big responsibility.  It's a baby, our baby, and it's going to be a lot of hard work and - and - " "I'll take care of you.  I promise."  Tears formed in her eyes at his simple words.  As overwhelmed as she felt at the moment, as so-very-not-ready-for-motherhood as she felt, she believed in and trusted those words wholeheartedly.  Logan promised.  Logan would make it all OK.  "OK."  She opened to him a little, and he caressed her intimately again.  "Logan, can we make love now?  We can - the Professor can wait a little while longer.  I just really - I really feel like I want to right now."  He nodded, and kissed her, once again instructing himself to be gentle with her, to make it good for her and the baby. "Oh, my,"  Xavier summarized as he leaned across the desk a little.  Marie had trusted him enough to tell him about the baby, and about their desire for a new home.  Xavier was still trying to process the information.  "I was hoping you'd help us find a place, Professor.  I know you've done a lot for us already, but we could really use your help here."  Marie looked to Logan, who nodded.  He hadn't really wanted to tell anyone anything about anything, and especially not about the baby, but Marie said she trusted this guy, and she'd said that before, Logan had trusted the Professor too.  She'd pointed out that he trusted the Professor so much that he left Marie in his care while he was gone.  That was enough to convince Logan.  He just hoped she was right to tell the Professor all this, that they could still trust him. "I-I shall try to assist you, and I have a suggestion.  Please think about it seriously, especially given your - your possible pregnancy."  Marie nodded and leaned forward, hanging on his words.  "On the far edge of my property, about two hundred acres or so from here, there is a small hunting lodge.  It is bordered by a county forest preserve where my property ends.  It is remote, in it's own way, and may be a better option than returning to an isolated spot in the mountains.  I could instruct the teachers and students to keep clear of the lodge, and you would be assured of quite a bit of privacy while still being serviceably close to the school and to medical assistance."  Logan let out a low growl at that.  The very idea of doctors anywhere near Marie, let alone a pregnant Marie, did not sit well with him at all.  "Logan," the Professor began gently, "Marie will need obstetrical care.  It is best for the baby, necessary for its health and well being." "No doctors," Logan insisted.  Marie seemed caught, not sure how to respond.  "No doctors for Marie," Logan repeated. "Perhaps - perhaps you would consider someone who is not - not the typical sort of doctor but someone with some medical training.  There is a former student of mine who has earned his M.D. but who does not practice medicine.  He concentrates his work on research, but he may be persuaded to immerse himself in obstetrics temporarily and he does owe me a favor or two.  Hmmm," Charles mused, "I have been seeking a way to entice him to return to the mansion, and this may work out well for all involved." Logan looked to Marie.  He really hadn't registered most of what the Professor had said.  Something about a doctor who's not really a doctor - it still sounded bad to Logan.  Marie, sensing his unease, took his hand in hers.  "Maybe we could meet him?  Logan and I could meet him and then we'll see."  Her eyes darted to his.  "We should talk it over a little, about staying in the lodge and meeting this guy.  Can we - can we have some time to talk it over?"  "Of course," the Professor soothed, already wheeling himself out from behind his desk.  "I shall gather some information for you on Hank, the former student I mentioned.  You should know that he is a mutant, like yourselves, and that he is somewhat unusual in appearance.  He is covered in thick blue fur and has enhanced senses, along with some unusual features - claws and fangs are the most prominent."  Marie simply nodded.  "In fact, now that I think about it, his fur would not react with your skin, taking that potential issue off the table."  Marie nodded again, and smiled a little.  The Professor smiled back, pleased that she was seriously considering his offer.  "Well, I'll leave you to it.  Please, take as long as you need to discuss it."  "Thank you," Marie said with heartfelt emotion.  "Thank you so much."  "You are quite welcome.  Please let me know when you are ready - just call out to me with your mind."  With that, he departed.  Marie turned to face Logan squarely and squeezed his hand.  "What do you think?" "No doctors for you, Marie.  I hafta keep you safe."  "This guy doesn't sound like a regular doctor at all, and he's a mutant.  I don't think he'd hurt other mutants.  I think - I think maybe we should meet him if he's willing to come here, to do this.  We should meet him and you can look him over and see what you think." "I dunno......" "If you don't like him, then we won't do it, OK?"  Logan did feel a little bolstered by that.  It would be his decision, and he could say no if he needed to.  "OK."  Marie smiled and leaned over for a quick kiss to his cheek.  "Thank you.  I know you'll protect me no matter what, and I know you'll be able to tell if this is a good guy or not.  I really trust you, Logan."  He tried to smile at the compliment.  "What do you think about staying at the lodge?" "Good.  That's good - if it's like he says, with nothin' around.  I hafta have you close, Marie, I hafta keep you safe." "I think the lodge might be a good idea too.  It's a lot closer to civilization than we were thinking, but it sounds isolated and the Professor could make sure no one bothers us.  I think it's a good idea.  We could give the land, the old house, to him in exchange for living there.  What do you think?" "Yeah."  That would make it a fair trade.  Logan didn't like accepting help and liked charity even less.  "You belong to me, Marie.  The baby too." "And you belong to us," she whispered, hugging him.  "Let's tell the Professor what we decided." Henry Philip McCoy arrived back in Westchester on a sunny Tuesday morning.  He'd been intrigued by the Professor's proposal, and even more so by the variety of medical conundrums he'd have the chance to explore - Rogue's unique mutation, her absorption of Logan's powers, and Logan's mental state all captured his curiosity.  He gave his former employer two weeks notice and started packing immediately after speaking with the Professor.  Now, after settling himself in at the mansion, he was heading out to the lodge to meet his prospective patients.  The Professor had cautioned him that Logan may react with hostility, and to downplay Hank's own medical background and functions.  He'd also cautioned Hank that Rogue would follow Logan's wishes in this matter - if he couldn't win Logan over, he could not hope to approach Rogue to overturn Logan's decision.  Hank found it odd - most women would favor the health and well-being of their own child over the unfounded, irrational fears of a partner.  He found himself curious about that as well.  Bracing himself for the usual initial reaction to his looks - gaping mouth, horrified eyes, audible gasp of terror, yadda, yadda - he knocked.  "Hello." A pretty, brown-haired woman greeted him with a smile.  "I'm Rogue.  You must be Hank."  Hank just stood there in shock at her non-reaction to him.  He didn't even reach out to take the hand she was extending in welcome.  She noticed that after a moment, and added, "Or, um, Dr. McCoy?" "Oh - ah, yes."  Hank finally reached out and shook her gloved hand.  "And please, call me Hank.  Dr. McCoy is far too formal.  I was, ah, simply a little taken aback at first.  My appearance usually garners a different reaction." "Oh.  I wasn't staring, was I?" Rogue blushed and Hank found it quite interesting.  Just then, a gruff, burly man appeared behind her shoulder.  Hank could've sworn he heard a growl.  That must be Logan, he thought. "No, no, not at all.  May I come in?" "Of course."  Rogue ushered him into their small living room.  The lodge was essentially a one-room building - they'd put their bed in the far corner, and grouped two sofas and a chair into a small living room arrangement.  Hank settled in the large chair as Rogue led Logan to a sofa.  Logan never took his eyes off of Hank.  "Thanks for coming." "I am quite indebted to Professor Xavier and I very much welcomed this opportunity to return to Westchester."  Rogue nodded, then looked to Logan.  They both had the distinctive appearance of getting ready to launch upon a planned course of conversation.  "So," Logan began.  "You're a doctor?" "Ah, well, I have my M.D., but I do not typically practice medicine.  I am looking forward to immersing myself in obstetrics." "Whaddya do, then?" "Most of my day is spent reading and performing research."  Hank recalled the Professor's advice to leave out any mention of 'labs' or 'experiments'.  "My last project was a study of the effects of ultraviolet light on plants with a mutagenic DNA strand." "Hmm."  Logan leaned back in at that and glanced at Marie.  She nodded almost imperceptibly, and leaned forward.  "As the Professor told you, I'm expecting.  I'm very happy about the baby, and I want to make sure it gets the best care possible. However, normally, I wouldn't really consider seeing a doctor for - well, personal reasons.  But the Professor really had a lot of confidence in you, so we're interested in talking with you about providing care for me and the baby.  If you're thinking of doing that, then there are a few things I should tell you.  I'm sure the Professor explained about my skin."  Hank nodded.  "Even though your fur shouldn't react with it, I'd want you to be very careful of it." "Of course." "I'd also want Logan to always be with me for - for whatever we needed to do."  Logan nodded vigorously at that.  "It's important to both of us that he's always with me."  He put his arm around Marie to punctuate her statement.  "Understandable.  I am comfortable with that."  Actually, the Professor had prepared him for that response.  "I'd need to see you here, in our home, and we'd need to bring whatever equipment you'd need here."  "That could be done.  I'm assuming that you would also like to deliver at home?" "Yes," Marie said, leaning back a bit and looking to Logan.  He took her cue. "I don't like other people around Rogue."  Hank simply nodded, not really knowing how to respond.  "She belongs to me, and the baby too."  Hank was taken aback by the plain possession in his tone, but Rogue was beaming a very soft, affectionate smile back at him.  "You're not ever gonna get a chance to hurt either one of 'em." "I assure you, that could not be farther from my intentions." "Hmph."  Logan gave him an obvious once-over, and a sniff.  "OK."  Rogue's whole body seemed to relax and she melted into Logan's side.  "So what do we do first?" she asked, smiling.  "Well," Hank temporized, needing a moment to recover from the oddness of Logan's words and reactions.  "I would like to start you on taking prenatal vitamins, if you are not doing so already." "Um, Jean gave me some.  I, uh, should probably let you know that Jean and I haven't been getting along very well lately."  Hank thought he heard another growl emanating from Logan at that.  "She's a little upset that she's not going to be my doctor, but - but Logan and I both decided that we didn't want to do that." "She smells bad," Logan put in.  "And Rogue don't trust her.  I hafta keep Rogue safe."  "She's taken it kind of hard that I left with Logan and she's been very upset about - about me hurting Logan.  He, ah, touched me and I have his powers permanently now.  It hurt him a lot and - "  A sudden sob cut her off.  Logan drew her more closely into his embrace.  "I hadta fix you," he whispered to her.  "You didn't hurt me."  Marie sniffled a bit, then kissed him quickly.  "Sorry," she said to them both.  "I've been getting a little emotional lately." "Hormonal fluctuations," Hank interjected.  "Altogether common for a pregnant woman."  After receiving a nod and an encouraging look from Rogue, he picked up where he'd left off.  "I would like to do an ultrasound in a few weeks, just to be sure that the baby is developing properly.  Regular ultrasounds, and checks of your vital signs are the bare minimum that will be necessary as we go along.  We can discuss other measures as they arise.  Are you feeling well?" "Very well," Rogue answered, recovering a bit.  "She smells good," Logan added.  "I hafta keep her close." "Ah, yes," Hank replied.  "Off to a good start, then.  Well, I look forward to working with you both.  Do you have any more questions of me?"  They exchanged a look, and then Rogue shook her head.  "Very well, then.  I shall be at the mansion should you need me, and I shall be in touch again in a few days.  It was a pleasure to meet you both."  Rogue rose, then Logan, and they both extended a hand to Hank.  He shook both, noting Logan's strong grip and unblinking stare as he did so.  As he headed for the door, his mind was spinning with questions and ideas - he was sure that they would prove an interesting pair and a challenge.  Rogue waved goodbye as he headed back, and Hank smiled at her in retreat.  "That went well," Marie ventured as she closed the door. "You belong to me," Logan pronounced.  "Always," Marie agreed.  Logan frowned a bit and crossed the room to hold her in his arms.  She went willingly, and he could smell relief all over her.  She'd really wanted this guy to help take care of her and the baby.  When they talked, before Hank came, she'd made sure to tell Logan that he was the most important one taking care of her, that she trusted him to do so, but that they might need someone who knows medical things if something goes wrong.  As much as he didn't like the idea of anyone else near her, he knew she was right.  He felt minutely better about it all after meeting Hank.  He smelled OK, and Logan didn't smell a lie when Hank had said he didn't want to hurt Marie and the baby.  Logan would still watch him closely, be very vigilant for any sign of trouble, but he felt OK enough to try letting this guy help Marie.  "He seemed nice.  I think it's going to be OK." "I hafta keep you safe." "You will, sugar, I know you will, no matter what."  She pulled back from him, and looked at him adoringly.  "I really love you, Logan.  I love you so much." "Say it again.  Wait - hmph."  Marie held him and stroked his shoulders a little as she waited for him to gather his thoughts.  He wanted to say that he loved her too, like always, and this time he was more determined than ever to get it out.  He knew what the blue guy probably thought of him - that he was all messed up, and that Marie shouldn't be with him.  That was what everybody around here thought of him, he was sure.  He wanted to tell Marie he loved her, to give her something to hold on to, something to prove she *should* be with him, that he *was* getting better.  He tried to make his mind cooperate for several long moments while she waited patiently.  He tried with everything in him to make it come out right, but what he spoke was, "You belong to me.  The baby too.  I hafta have you close."  His shoulders dropped in frustration, and he backed away from Marie.  "I - I don't - I can't - hmph." "It's OK."  "No, it's not!" he growled, taking a few more steps back with an angry look on his face.  "It won't come out right!"  Marie frowned a little, then slowly closed the distance between them and took his hands in hers.  He stilled and calmed a bit, but he was still frowning. "Sorry," he murmured.  He hadn't meant to yell, or to get mad, but it was just so frustrating.  He wanted to tell her so many things, nice things, beautiful things, but only a pale shadow of what he meant would come out. "It's all right."  She simply massaged the large hands she held in her tiny ones for a few moments.  "You know, I know that you want to say things that won't come out sometimes.  I want you to know that the things you do are a lot more important than the things you say, at least to me.  Even if the right words don't come out, you always do the right things.  I want you to know that." "Marie....." "And I think that one day, the right things will come out, the words will say what you want them to.  I know that'll happen one day.  You're getting better, a lot better, I can see that." "Yeah?" "Yeah."  She moved into his embrace, and he readily circled her with his arms.  "Sorry 'bout that."  "It's OK."  "It's not," Logan argued, looking into her big, warm eyes.  "Marie, you're - you're the only one.  And I wanna be good to you." "You are, sugar, you're really good to me." "Better.  I wanna be better."  He harrumphed in frustration again.  He just wasn't getting it out right at all now.  "Can I ask you for something, sugar?"  He nodded as Marie pressed her body to his.  "Would you take me to bed now and show me how you feel?  I'd really like that, if you'd like to too." "Yeah," Logan sighed.  Marie always knew how to make things right between them, how to make things better even if he didn't.  The words wouldn't come, but his gentle caresses and kisses would.  He couldn't give her what was in his mind, but he could give her his body.  That would have to be enough, at least for now.  He kissed her tenderly, and began guiding them to the bed.  "I must admit, even with your words of caution, I was not fully prepared to find Logan so - so - " "Off?" the Professor ventured.  Hank nodded.  "Yes, off.  There has obviously been some kind of damage, but I cannot make an educated guess as to whether it is physical in nature, or psychological, without an examination."  Hank continued scribbling notes on his visit with the couple in their file.  He wanted to record every thought, every impression.  "It is not physical - his mutation is a healing factor.  His recent transfer of power to Rogue and fairly speedy recovery proves that those powers are still in working order.  I believe it is psychological." "And therapy has not been successful?"  When the Professor didn't immediately answer, Hank lifted his eyes from his notes.  "You have tried therapy with him, haven't you?" "No," Xavier admitted.  "He is......he is a man not given to securing assistance from others.  And he is intensely private.  I doubt that he has even shared with Rogue the details of his - his capture and torment.  Insisting on therapy would only break what fragile trust he has in me, and frankly, unless he would be willing to divulge the details of what he has suffered, I have no idea what kind of therapeutic approach would be beneficial."  Hank nodded a bit at that.  "It is a difficult situation, indeed." "What about Rogue?  What about therapy for her?" "I have offered," the Professor said, "but she declined, citing the private nature of their relationship.  I believe she is actually handling the demands of caring for Logan quite well, given the circumstances.  I admit, I was disappointed to hear of her pregnancy, though.  Adding a child to her existing emotional burdens was not a wise choice.  However, I realize that that ship has sailed, as it were.  We cannot reverse her pregnancy.  We must deal with the situation as it is now." "Well, she seems to be healthy, and, if she has inherited Logan's powers as you say, she should have few problems.  The ultrasound will tell us more, of course, but she seems to be doing well.  The stress of caring for her - ah, are they married?" "No."  The Professor's nose crinkled at that.  "Ah.  The stress of caring for her lover coupled with the pregnancy may overwhelm her.  I could attempt broaching the subject with her or with Logan." "I would wait.  Get to know them both," Xavier urged.  "If you can gain their trust, they may speak with you, or be open to suggestion." "Hmmm."  Hank turned his attention back to his notes.  "I shall follow your advice.  You have not led me astray thus far." "Good luck, Hank," Xavier said as he wheeled himself toward the door.  "And good night."  With a distracted nod, Hank wished him a good night as well and went back to the file.  "And that," Hank pronounced as he took the ultrasound picture from the machine, "is your son." "Son?" Logan queried as he took the photo from Hank.  It wasn't their first ultrasound, but it was the first time the child's gender could be determined.  "It's a boy?" "Indeed it is."  Tears formed in Marie's eyes and Logan just stared at the picture.  Hank stammered.  "You, ah, said that you wished to know the sex, did you not?" "Yes," Marie answered, the tears breaking loose.  "It's amazing - he's our son.  Wow." "Is he OK?" Logan asked, finally tearing his eyes from the picture and giving it over to Marie.  "Everything looks normal," Hank assured.  "Both Rogue and the baby are doing well."  "Hmph."  Logan looked down at Rogue, and brushed a few of the tears away.  "It's a boy."  Marie nodded and gave him a watery smile.  "We're gonna have a son." "I was hoping for a boy," she whispered.  Suddenly, Logan tensed and his face crimped in consternation.  "What?" "Is it - is he - mph."  He paused to collect his thoughts.  Marie grabbed for his hand and held it, and both she and Hank waited him out.  "Is he messed up?  In the head, like me - is he messed up?"  The words had taken a lot of effort, that much was obvious.  Unfortunately, Hank could only gape at the man.  He'd been meticulously careful about earning their trust, about not doing even the slightest thing to put them off.  Honestly, he'd done so in hopes of becoming close enough to Rogue to gain her confidence, so that he could suggest some form of therapy or stress management program.  He'd never expected Logan to be the one to reach out to him; in fact, he'd thought Logan incapable of that kind of trust in anyone but Rogue.  "I do not believe so," Hank finally responded, in a quiet tone.  "Unless you have suffered, ah, lasting damage of some sort on the genetic level, he should be normal."  "But I'm not normal," Logan argued, earnestly.  More tears fell from Marie's eyes, but not out of joy this time.  "Sugar - " "Logan," Hank interrupted gently, both sensing an opening and wanting to reassure Logan.  "It is my understanding that you have suffered extraordinary mental and physical trauma, but I believe that your healing power has repaired any physical damage, even on the most elemental level, prior to conception."  He simply blinked back at Hank.  Hank tried again.  "I do not believe that the kind of difficulty you find yourself having is transmittable to the child." "Logan's just fine," Marie put in, grabbing his hand tightly.  "He's OK." "No, I ain't," he whispered, turning a kind gaze to Marie.  "We gotta know if - if the kid is like me." "I do not believe he will be," Hank said, his eyes finding the floor, a little abashed now by Logan's naked concern for his son.  "But he will be most fortunate to have such caring parents."  He didn't see Marie's grateful smile.  "As of now, absolutely everything appears normal.  You should have a fine son." "Thank you," Marie said between the tears.  Hank nodded, and Logan slowly let go of her hand.  "Perhaps you would like to clean up while I put the equipment away?"  The cold goo on her stomach wasn't especially comfortable, and by now, both men knew that well.  Hank also wanted to give Logan an opportunity to continue to speak with him alone.  Logan helped Marie off of the makeshift examination table (their kitchen table padded by several blankets) and onto her feet.  She kissed his cheek before waddling off to the bathroom. When she closed the door, Logan stayed Hank's activity by catching hold of his arm.  Hank was heartened by that, and he prepared himself to reach out to Logan in a less literal way.  "Are you sure the baby's OK?" "Yes," Hank reassured.  "He should be just fine." "I hafta keep him close.  I hafta keep him safe." "I am certain that you shall," Hank said kindly.  "I know what I'm like," Logan continued in a softer tone.  "I know I'm not right.  I'm - I'm getting better, I think, but I'm still not right."  He paused, hesitated, obviously thinking something over.  When he spoke again, it was in a solemn and nervous tone.  "I try to get things out, but they don't come out right." Hank's heart was pounding.  This was a monumental step forward, Logan confiding in him like this.  He knew he had to react casually, not make a big deal of it, but he was very eager to give a helpful response.  "Is there ever a time when you feel that things are coming out right?" Logan thought about it for a few moments.  "Yeah.  If it's not important.  Sometimes those times it comes out right." "Sometimes," Hank said as he made to continue putting away the equipment, affecting nonchalance, "when one is trying the hardest to do something, it creates a block of sorts.  Sometimes, the harder one tries, the more difficult it is.  Perhaps if you can distract yourself from thinking about the importance of it, it may be easier."  Before Logan could say anything in response, Marie emerged from the bathroom and slowly waddled to Logan's side.  It was clear that she now held his full attention.  "Thank you so much, Hank," she said, her tears cleared away and her even tone restored.  "We'll see you in two weeks?" "Yes.  And, please feel free to call me if you need anything, absolutely anything, or if either of you have any questions in the mean time."  He glanced at Logan while he said it as much as he dared.  "I shall see you soon."  As they lay in bed that night, Logan thought about Hank's words.  He was comfortable, relaxed.  They'd made love, and now he was holding her - these moments were some of the best of his whole life, some of the happiest and easiest.  He tried not to think about what he wanted to say, not to tense up, to act as though he'd be asking Marie if she was sleepy yet or what she wanted to do tomorrow.  Taking a deep breath, he coaxed the words to the surface.  "You're everythin' to me, Marie."  As soon as the words were out, he tensed and his heart began thumping like crazy.  She lifted her head from where it had been cradled in his arms to look at his face in clear surprise.  "You're everything to me too, Logan." He smiled apologetically, clearly wanting to say more, but unable to.  The tension had already set in.  "I hafta keep you close to me." "I really like being close to you, and I like it when you say things like that, like how much I mean to you."  Her eyes clouded with tears, and he felt her hands begin to caress his chest.  "I really like that." "Marie, I - I - hmph."  "It's OK," she soothed.  "I'm going to remember that one for a long time."  She laid her head back down but didn't stop her caresses.  "I'm sorry, sugar, I don't mean to get all emotional.  I just - sometimes I wish......." "That I was normal," Logan supplied with equal measures of obvious effort and self- loathing.  "No," Marie replied urgently.  "You're perfect, Logan, absolutely perfect.  You're just perfect for me and our baby, I really mean that."  His expression was one of plain disbelief edged with frustration.  "Sugar, I just - sometimes I wish that I handled everything better, you know?  I get emotional, I don't always know what the right thing to do is, I make you think bad things about yourself sometimes, like now, when I say the wrong things.  I just wish that I was better at everything." "Marie," Logan began, clearly taken aback, and too surprised to tense up, "you do everythin' just right.  You - you - mph.  Dammit."  Before Marie could get anything out, he willed himself to relax again, to put the critical importance of his next words out of his mind.  "Talk to me like that some more.  You can tell me things."  That wasn't quite right, but it was close.  He did want her to tell him things like that.  He had no idea she'd been thinking those things, and they were so unbelievably far from the truth that he knew he had to correct them.  "OK," she began uncertainly.  "I'm not making you upset, though, am I?  Because I don't want - " "No.  More."  That was all he could force out, but, judging by her expression, it might have been enough.  "I - I've been thinking about this baby a lot, you know.  I'm a little bit scared - it's a big responsibility, and I don't know if I'll be a good mom.  You know what they always say about having kids young - it's not supposed to be a good thing.  But then I think - well, I've got Logan.  I'm not in this all alone.  And I feel better when I think that, but it's still - it's an awesome responsibility.  Not to mention that I love him so much that I can hardly believe it, and he's not even born yet.  That's a really good thing, but that's kind of scary too.  It's so overwhelming.  I've only ever felt that much for you, you know."  Her eyes locked on his for a moment.  "I love you so much, so incredibly much.  I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost you.  I don't like to - to even think about my life without you in it.  I worry sometimes, a lot actually, that I'm not giving you enough, not giving you what you need.  I - I try really hard, Logan, I do.  I want you to know that.  Even if I mess up a lot, I want you to know that in my head, I'm always trying and hoping to give you everything you need." "Me too," he whispered, with more than a little wetness in his eyes.  "I'm rambling, huh?  I'm sorry." "No, no."  Logan squeezed her gently.  "More, OK?" Marie didn't speak for a moment, she just resumed her caresses.  Logan let her have time.  "Sometimes I think about everything you've been through and I just want to cry.  I never wanted you to be hurt like that.  I - I wish so much that I could change that for you, that I could take all that hurt away.  I know you don't want to talk about it, and I understand that.  But I know it was beyond - beyond horrible, and I wish I could be more of a comfort to you, that I could take all that hurt away or make it all better somehow.  You are always the one healing me, and I wish so badly that for once, just once, I could heal you."  She dissolved into soft sobs, and her hands stilled.  Logan could smell her sadness strongly, and he tried again to make himself calm, to make it possible for the words to come out.  "You fix everythin'.  You make everythin' good.  You're the only one, Marie.  The only one - hmph."  She only cried more at that, and Logan couldn't make any more words come.  All he could do was hold her tighter, and he did.  After she calmed a bit, he caressed her face with the utmost tenderness and affection.  She seemed to understand that the time for words was over, and so did he.  He leaned toward her, capturing her lips in a kiss, and preparing to show her things instead of tell her them.  For the next few weeks, Hank monitored Marie and the baby, sneaking in a few words with Logan each time Marie went to clean up.  Hank was deliriously happy with the progress Logan was making.  He'd shared that trying to relax had worked, and Hank suggested trying that more.  He'd also shared some concerns that, as Logan put it, "Marie's worried."  Hank assured the father-to-be that concern about parenting and delivery were very common, and suggested that he simply reassure her.  More and more, Logan seemed to be seeking Hank's advice, and that was a monumental breakthrough.  Today, however, he found himself alone with Marie for a change.  Logan had ordered/requested that Hank stay with her while he went outside to chop wood for a few moments.  It was a cold December day, and Logan didn't want Marie to have to come out in the elements with him.  Hank happily agreed, chalking up another huge step forward.  Trusting him to watch over Marie - there wasn't anything Hank could think of that would prove that he'd finally earned Logan's confidence more than that.  "Can I get you something?  Tea?"  Marie always offered refreshments to Hank when he came over.  He occasionally indulged; Marie was a wonderful cook, he'd found.  Sadly, though, she hadn't baked any new cookies or pies for his sweet tooth today. "Allow me."  Hank gestured for Marie to sit as he strolled into the kitchen.  She smiled in gratitude, and he returned her grin.  Being in the final trimester of one's pregnancy did not make for skipping about the cabin with ease, Hank knew.  "Do you take sugar or cream?" "Black," Marie replied.  "Thanks, Hank." "You are quite welcome."  He set about preparing the tea for them, mentally searching for how to open a conversation with Marie.  In some ways, Logan was much easier - he'd grab Hank by the arm and blurt out whatever was on his mind.  Marie could avoid substantive discussion indefinitely - she was very good at making polite small talk.  However, her expression told Hank that this time she might have something on her mind.  Before he could come up with a suitable approach, she spoke. "Can I ask you a question?  Not - not about the baby." "Of course," Hank kept both his tone and the tray carrying their tea evenly balanced as he returned to the living room.  "You're a doctor - is there anything I can do to, you know, help Logan get better?  Anything in particular?"  Her big eyes looked very nervous and Hank tried for his best reassuring smile.  "I believe you are already helping him a great deal.  Love and acceptance are the best possible medicine in situations like these, and you have given him a constant wealth of both.  Your acquiescence to his need to have you near to him at all times is building his security as well.  However, if you would like some more specific suggestions, I would try parting from him for brief periods of time and encouraging him to allow you out of his sight.  Leaving you in my company for a few moments is a good start - build upon that.  I'd also suggest encouraging him to discuss the traumatic events he suffered.  I know that he is extremely reluctant to do so, but he may at some point be willing to discuss his feelings about those events, even if he cannot discuss the specific facts surrounding them.  Support and validate whatever those feelings may be."  She was listening intently, and unconsciously stroking her swollen stomach with one hand.  Hank gently asked, "Do you have concerns about Logan's function as a parent?" "No."  Her response was without hesitation.  "I know he'll love and protect this baby.  I just worry that I'm not enough, you know?  That I won't be enough for them both, that I won't be able to give them both everything they need.  I know it sounds silly, but I feel like - what if there's not enough of me in there?" "I have no worries on that account.  I know there is plenty of love in your heart, and that is the most important thing they will need from you.  But I know that being a new parent can be overwhelming at times, and any relationship can be emotionally taxing, even one as close as the one you have with Logan.  Please know that I am here to support you, as is the Professor.  You may always talk with us or ask us for any manner of assistance." "Thanks," she sighed, getting a little weepy.  "It's nice to know there's some backup there in case - in case I get a little overwhelmed."  She sunk back into the chair, signaling the end of the serious conversation.  Hank sipped his tea and nodded.  "Have you thought of any names yet?"  "None we can agree on."  Marie arched and eyebrow and shared an impish smile with Hank over the rim of her tea cup.  "For some reason, Logan thinks 'Reginald' is too wimpy." "Oh my," Hank chuckled.  "Hank thinks soon, right?"  "Mmm-hmm."  Marie was in her last month of the pregnancy now, and lying in bed with Logan, surrounded by him at her back and propped up with pillows nearly everywhere else was one of the few comfortable spots she had left.  "He's sticking with the 20th for the due date.  I'm kind of hoping he comes a little sooner.  It would be nice to have a Valentine's Day baby.  He'd be the perfect Valentine's present." "We still needta pick a name." "Hmmm.." "Not Reginald," Logan teased, making Marie's ample body shake with giggles.  The teasing was new - just in the past week or so, in fact.  Marie hadn't realized how much she'd missed it until he started doing it again.  "I still think he should have his daddy's name." "No, darlin'." Logan had been fairly vehement on that subject.  He didn't want a boy to carry his name - he was convinced it would be bad luck.  He gave her a squeeze and a gentle kiss on the back of her head.  "You pick.  But somethin' else." "OK," Marie relented.  "What about Sam?  I had a grandpa Samuel that I liked a lot.  We could name him Samuel Henry Charles.  I'd really like to honor Hank and the Professor, you know, for everything they've done for us, but to be honest, I just don't like Henry or Charles enough for a first name.  Samuel Henry Charles.  Or maybe Samuel Charles Henry?" "I like the first one.  Strong name.  Better than Reginald."  Marie favored him with another giggle, then let out an unmistakably serious sigh.  "I hope he grows up to be just like you, Logan - strong and brave and good.  If he turns out half as good as you, I'll be so happy." Words deserted Logan entirely at that despite his recent progress.  She meant what she'd said, he could tell.  It was such a profound acceptance of him, that it silenced him altogether.  It was something he'd never expected, something he knew she meant as a kindness, but something that he could tell was also the bone-deep truth of how she felt about him.  Despite everything, she felt like that about him.  It absolutely floored him.  He could only hug her, squeeze her a bit, and plant fervent but soft kisses on her neck.  Marie enjoyed his attentions for a few moments before speaking again.  "I love you, Logan, with all my heart, and I always will.  I'm so glad you're getting better.  I just knew you would.  You're so strong.  I wouldn't ever want to have babies with anyone but you, you know.  You're going to be the best dad.  I know you'll love him and that you'd lay down your life to protect him." "I will," Logan bit out in a solemn tone.  "I'm gonna keep you both safe.  I'm gonna keep you both close." "Good," Marie purred, feeling sleep begin to claim her.  "Rub my belly a little?" Logan complied, flooded with warmth and love for both Marie and his son.  He found himself looking forward to something for the first time in a long time, for the first time since coming back for Marie.  He couldn't wait to welcome his son into the world, and he understood in his heart that it was in large part because of what the child meant to and for Marie - she'd loved Logan through all this and was now going to give him a son, a child that would be the living, breathing proof of her love.  The parts of him that were scorched by the trauma he'd suffered, the parts that were thankfully beginning to finally recede, welcomed that proof as much as the rest of him.  In his primal mind, this child was a solidification of his bond with his mate, tangible evidence of his claim on her.  Logan knew he still needed that.  He tried to hang on to those good feelings as sleep came for him too, and he kept a protective hand on Marie's stomach as he drifted off.    "Look at him, Logan, isn't he just perfect?"  It had been a long labor - thirty hours - but Marie finally had her son in her arms.  Hank and Logan had helped to situate her in the bed, and when Hank handed her the baby, she burst into tears.  Finally calming, she motioned Logan over to inspect their new son.  "Perfect, just like his momma," Logan agreed. Hank had pronounced both mother and child healthy, giving both parents a huge measure of relief.  Marie was healing quickly, thanks to Logan's transferred powers.  It took a long time, but the results were well worth it, Logan reflected as he gazed at his son.  "Oh, Logan.....I'm just so relieved that - that everything's OK."  "I'm gonna take care of you.  I'm gonna take care of you both," he soothed as he scooted into their bed beside her.  Somehow, he hadn't been prepared for the baby to be quite so *small* - Hank had said that his size was normal, healthy, but he seemed impossibly tiny and vulnerable to Logan.  He'd held his son while Hank cut the umbilical cord, but he'd been extremely nervous about doing so.  What if he dropped him or hurt him somehow?  He felt much more comfortable with his son in Marie's capable arms.  "If you're all settled in, I shall take my leave," Hank announced, stealing a their attention away from their son for a moment.  "If you need me, do not hesitate to call." "Hank," Logan called gruffly.  "Thanks."  Hank nodded, knowing there was a wealth of meaning behind the simple word.  Marie smiled her thanks as well, still a little spent from the delivery.  "You are most welcome.  And thank you - I shall be very proud to have this child carry my name."  He'd nearly cried when Marie told him this would be Samuel *Henry* Charles, and he suspected that the Professor would do the same upon hearing the news.  He gave the happy family a final grin before departing.  "You did good, Marie," Logan reassured her.  "Real good." She smiled and fought back another round of joyful tears at his words.  "I'm - I'm going to try to feed him."  Logan helped her maneuver out of the hospital gown, so that her breasts were exposed.  Now that Hank was gone, there was no need for modesty.  She guided Sam's head to her and brushed his lips with her nipple.  After a few tries, he latched on.  Marie winced at first, but then relaxed.  Logan simply watched them in fascination, occasionally stroking his son's dark hair.  Marie caught the gesture and whispered, "He takes after you.  Look at all that hair he's got already." "He's mostly you," Logan said solemnly.  "You can tell he's not - he's not messed up like me.  He smells like you, mostly." "I think he's the perfect mix of both of us."  Those tears that had threatened fell now.  Logan looked into her eyes, and cupped her face in one hand, his thumb brushing the tears away.  "I'm gonna take care of you, both of you.  I know I say that a lot.  I know - I know I'm not right." "Logan - " "Shh, darlin'.  Lemme talk, OK?"  Marie swallowed and nodded.  That was the first 'Darlin'' in a while, and she felt her heart fill with emotion at hearing it.  But she knew she had to keep it together, that Logan needed to get this out.  "I'm not right but I'm gettin' better, and I'm gonna be able to help you with our son.  I know you've been carryin' a lot, but now I'm gonna help you.  I will, Marie."  He paused, took several deep breaths, and tried to channel some semblance of calm so that he could get the right words out.  He had been getting better, and he'd gotten a lot better at this.  He reminded himself of that to bolster his confidence, and continued in a confiding, grave tone.  "They had me a long time.  They did this to me.  I didn't mean to be this way.  If I was thinkin' right, I woulda - woulda never come back, never put all this on you." "No, don't say that," Marie countered, stricken.  "I wanted you to come back.  God, Logan, I don't know - I don't know how I could ever - "  The last few words squeaked and her sobs won out.  Now, ironically, she was the one who couldn't get the right words out.  Logan shushed her a bit, and completed the role reversal by filling in with his own words. "I know you love me.  I feel it.  All the time.  I do, Marie.  But this, me bein' like this is takin' a lot from you.  I know that too.  And that's not right, that's not - that's not love, takin' from you like that.  I wanna be good, strong for you, but I know I'm not.  Not yet.  Marie, I'm gonna take care of you and I'm gonna get better.  They messed me all up, but we - we're gonna be OK.  I'm gonna fix it.  Maybe - maybe I'll never be right, but I can be better.  I want that Marie, and not just 'cause of you.  I wanna be better for our son, for Sam.  I don't wanna have him have a - a messed up dad." "He doesn't," she choked out through the tears.  "He has you.  You're not messed up, you're not - the people who did this to you, those people are messed up.  The people who would judge you harshly for going through what you did - they're messed up.  Not you." "Marie - " "Please, Logan, please just don't think that.  Please.  I'm not doing it right, not saying or doing the right things if you think that and - please, I just - " "Oh, darlin'," Logan interrupted, immediately remorseful for causing her distress.  It seemed that his words still didn't quite get the job done as he'd intended.  "You do all the right things.  I dunno how I ever woulda made it if you hadn't.  I needed you so much.  Still do."  He felt himself tense up, finally, and he sighed in frustration.  Sam seemed to sense his parents' swirling emotions - he detached from Marie's breast and began to cry.  Logan finally let go of her so that she could soothe him.  She murmured nonsensical words to him, held him in her arms, and rubbed her cheek against his.  Sam calmed quickly, as soon as his too-big-for-the-rest-of-him hazel eyes seemed to focus on Marie's face.  She smiled, and he let out a responding gurgle.  Giving him a few more moments of play, she soon tucked him back down, offering her breast again.  Sam latched on again, and at last, Marie's gaze found Logan's.  "You do all the right things," he repeated in a gentle tone.  "Look at you now, with him.  You knew just what to do."  That got him a small smile.  "You do all the right things, Marie.  Even when they hurt you to do, you do 'em." "You've never hurt me," she countered, trying to keep steady, keep the tears back.  "That's not true."  It came out in the saddest imaginable whisper.  "I hurt you bad, that first night.  I know we don't talk 'bout it, but I know I hurt ya a lot.  I'm so sorry." "It's OK, Logan - I - it's OK.  I understand it, I do, and it's OK." "Marie - " "Logan," she countered with an urgency and firmness he hadn't heard before.  "Love isn't - love isn't an easy thing.  You said that love wasn't you taking from me, but love isn't just me taking from you, either.  It's give and take.  That night was a gift, my gift to you.  I know in my heart that you'd never want to hurt me.  I know in my heart why you needed me like that.  Logan, all you've ever done is give to me - you've given me your powers, more than once - you've given me your life, literally.  Every day you give me love - love like I never thought I'd have.  It's OK for me to give to you too.  I need to. And I need you to stop worrying about that.  I've loved you every minute of every day that I've known you.  All I want to do is give to you, and take in the love you have for me.  Sometimes things happen and one of us needs to give a lot, more than it could possibly ever be fair to ask of anyone.  But love isn't fair.  It isn't a contract.  It's passion, it's your whole heart and soul, and you give what is needed - not only what's fair, not even only what you can afford.  Believe me when I say that I understand that, Logan.  Believe me when I tell you that I know what love really is." He had tears in his own eyes now, and could only manage a quiet reply.  "I believe you."  Marie grimaced at his visible abashedness.  She'd gone and done it again, she thought, she'd done the wrong thing, she'd shut him up just when he was beginning to talk, to really talk to her.  "I'm sorry.  I - I didn't mean to - to argue.  I'm sorry."  Sam chose that moment to signal that he was full, and she eased him from her breast, cradling him to her bare shoulder.  Logan was breathing hard, and deeply, and his gaze was fixed on the floor, away from her.  She fought back the tears and tried to fix some of the damage she'd done.  "Logan, please say something." His head snapped up, and he had a fiercely determined expression on his face, but his eyes were full of soft emotion.  "I know what love is too.  Because of you.  I.  Love.  You."  A grunt and a heaving sigh followed the gritted-out words.  Marie could only stare at him in awe.  He regrouped, and in a more controlled tone, he said it again.  "I love you." Her whole body shook with a hitching sob, and she flailed out a hand to him.  He grabbed onto it as though he were holding on for dear life, and he used it to pull Marie and his son into his embrace.  Marie cried in earnest on his shoulder, and he put a hand on his son.  "I love you too," she cried out.  "I know, darlin'.  I hafta keep you close.  'Cause I love you, Marie.  I love you so much."  She was overtaken with tears, and Logan gently pried Sam from her before he was tempted to join in the crying.  "You too," he whispered as though it were a benediction, looking into Sam's eyes, eyes that were the exact same shade of burnished hazel as his own.  "Both of ya."  He finally breathed easy again, and refocused on holding them close.  He'd meant what he'd said.  He did know what love was, and he was going to be sure that Marie and Sam both knew it, felt it from him too.  "So, my little namesake, what would you like to play with today, hmmm?  Would you like the rattle or perhaps the stuffed bear?"  Hank held one in each hand and Sam gurgled, then reached out for the bear.  "Ah, wise choice."  Hank happily handed it over, then continued his one-month checkup of Sam.  Both of his parents loomed nearby, along with the Professor, who'd also come along to see his namesake for the first time.  "He appears to be very robust," Charles commented.  "Such a happy child, too." "He has a good mom," Logan chimed in.  Marie could still tell that this was making him nervous - too many people, and he wasn't as at ease with the Professor as he was with Hank - but she was proud that very little of it showed through.  "Indeed."  Charles was casting her an approving look, and now seemed like a good moment for Logan to say what he'd planned, to get out what he'd rehearsed with Marie.  "You know, I wanna thank you, both of you, for everythin' you've done for us and are still doin'.  I know it's been a lot and I appreciate it."  Charles looked positively taken aback, but Hank showed only mild surprise.  Now came the harder part.  "It's an honor to name my first born son after both of ya.  You're good guys."  Marie had to hold back the laughter as she watched Xavier's mouth drop open.  Seeing both men staring back at him, Logan decided to conclude with, "That's it." "Ah, yes, well - " "You are welcome," Hank supplied as the Professor stammered.  "And this young man is just fine.  He is growing well and everything looks perfect."  Sam was busy mouthing the stuffed bear, but he looked up a bit when Hank spoke.  "That's right, you are doing very well.  And we should be getting back.  I must check up on Jubilation.  I still am at a loss for how, exactly, she managed to sprain that ankle during a simple trip to the mall" "Something about trampling other shoppers on her way to the clearance aisle," Charles commented dryly.  "Thank you for having us.  I hope to see you all again soon." "Come back any time," Marie offered, as she took her child from Hank's arms. "Call first," Logan amended, utterly serious.  Hank and Charles exchanged a furtive smile.  "We shall.  Let's go, Hank, your other patients await."  With an exaggerated eye-roll indicating just how much he was *not* looking forward to his encounter with Jubilee , Hank turned to follow Xavier out of the lodge and back to the mansion.  Logan visibly relaxed as soon as the door shut behind them.  "I think they were really touched."  Marie looked down at Sam.  "And I think your grandpa Charles really liked you."  "Hey," Logan whispered, putting an arm around Marie.  "You think he's gonna take a nap now?" "Mmm-hmm, in a few minutes.  Do you have plans?"  Her tone of voice said that she certainly hoped that he did.  Sam's feeding schedule had cut into their love life considerably.  They'd decided to try to steal a few moments together when Sam went down for his long afternoon nap each day.  "Yeah, I do, darlin'," he purred in her ear.  Flirting was new - Marie definitely liked the return of flirting.  "My plan is to put ya in bed and make love to ya.  You wanna?" "Oh, I definitely want to."  Giving thanks once again for his healing power's magic, she nipped a quick kiss from him.  "I always want to." "That's a gift, a good one," Logan whispered, nuzzling her a bit.  "Thanks, Marie," he said simply.  "My pleasure," she returned, doing a little flirting of her own as she glanced down to find that Sam's hold grip on the bear was easing and that his eyes were blinking open and shut.  "I think we can put him down now."  Both parents carefully stole over to Sam's crib and Marie lay him down in it.  "There."  Logan immediately embraced her and they shared a sensual kiss. "Can I ask ya for somethin', darlin'?" "Anything," she sighed, still a bit hazy from the kissing.  "Marry me."  Apparently, Charles and Hank weren't the only ones Logan had had a little surprise planned for today.  When she didn't answer right away, he added, "I'm gettin' better, and I think it's a good time.  I think - I think I really understand what that kinda thing means now.  And I think Sam's parents should be hitched.  Dontcha think so?" "Yes.  Yes, I do."  Logan didn't think he'd ever seen a smile quite like the one that lit her face now.  "Let's get married."  "Yeah."  He produced a brilliant smile of his own.  "Let's do it real soon.  But lemme take you to bed now, darlin'."  Without waiting for a response, he picked her up, and carried her to the bed.  He'd already planned it out in his head.  It would be soft and tender, very good for Marie.  He'd hold her very close when they were done, and he'd tell her all about how much she meant to him, how much he loved her.  Now that he could do that, now that he could make the words come out right, he wanted to do it as often as possible.  He would tell her those things, and then he would make love to her all over again.  He'd meant what he'd said - the fact that she so unfailingly welcomed him into her body and heart was a gift, a big one.  It was one he cherished, probably more than he could ever say, even now that the words did come.  He had to show her with his actions, with his body and soul.  Gazing down at his soon-to-be-wife laid out on the bed before him, he put aside everything else - his past, getting better now, his worries for the future - and focused on Marie.  After all, she was his.  She belonged to him.  He had to have her close.  Those things hadn't changed, even if he rarely recited them now.  They were the only words that his wounded mind would permit him for so long, that he doubted they'd ever desert him completely.  But now, he had other words, other feelings to share with Marie.  He gave her a reverent kiss as he lay down beside her, and said the most important ones, the ones that had eluded him for so long.  "Love you." "I love you too, sugar.  Let me show you how much."  With that, he began cherishing her, vowing to do so always, vowing to give as much to her as she'd given to him.